SRS Friendship gone down

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by registeredPORK, Oct 23, 2007.

  1. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

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    I'm frustrated with a really good friend of mine, M. Ever since she's been in a "real" relationship (her 'first' relationship was when she was like, 11, so that really doesn't count >.>), I've been on constant ignore.

    Not only that, the situation only gets worse. Her current BF is a room mate of mine. She hangs around a lot at the house but at the same time, she's in his room constantly and only ever makes a friendly gesture here and there--like we don't know each other.

    I've tried bringing it up to her but every time the situation turns into awkwardness because it'll be "I need to go to work" or "We're leaving now" and etc. He doesn't drive, has no care, and only has his permit while she has a car and license.

    Anyway-- her and I have been best friends since High School, and I love her to death but her attitude towards me is just getting me really frustrated. Did I mention that this all happened right after she lost her little cherry to him?

    I mean, before then, we would talk about it, and I would give her advice about how to approach the conversation with him but afterwards, it just went down hill.

    ... I dunno ... just makes me so frustrated.

    [[ and I fucking hate it when they slam their bedroom door. why the fuck would you do that when you can just silently close it? :ugh: ]]
     
  2. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    Unfortunately there's no easy solution to this. I used to be that girl that ignored her best friend when I got my first real bf (though I did not lose my cherry to him) and honestly, I just had to finally realize it myself. My relationship to the guy only lasted a month and only afterward did I really see what I did to my friendships. I don't know why I guess some girls just tend to make their bf their one and only priority. I'm sorry this is happening to you, but the only thing I can really advise is that you sit her down and tell her what's bothering you. If she cant understand respect you then maybe it's time to get a new friend.
     
  3. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    . KA saves the day again
     
  4. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I'm a guy and one of my most of my guy friends ignore the rest of us when they get g/fs. It's part of the deal and it's been repeated over and over again though out my life.....hell I've prolly even done it to them but I don't think so. :)

    So when I'm missing my friends, I call them up and just invite them to dinner or lunch or something else like shooting guns at the range or whatever. If they are busy I say well I haven't seen you in forever and was just wanting to hang out....when is a good time for you? You'd be amazed at how many times this works. No major drama just hey....let's go to dinner or something.

    If you are wanting more of their time or want to go back to pre-b/f days where you did everything together, that prolly won't happen till they become single again and BAM, you're the best thing that's ever happened to them.lol....unless you have a new SO by then.

    Focus on yourself and not on fixing your friend. Take care of you and try to express your sadness in a non-guilty sort of way and be happy when you have time together. Before you know it, you'll prolly be married with kids and too busy to hang out. :)
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Its normal, people become older ,they start relationships and friendships are been put on a hold, the best thing you can do is just lay low and meet other people while this is happening, maby on the long run she's coming back but don't count on it. Also it should be possible to complain to them about the door slamming, and to complain about the lack of attention, so that at least they know there is a problem.
     
  6. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

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    I've called her to see if she wants to hang out, and she usually responds with a "I'm busy. I'm hanging out with him and some of his friends" and when I do offer an open invitation to her, she usually says she's busy or has plans already.


    The only time I ever get to talk to her is when she's being a total jerk to my S.O. and although its done through a calm and mannerly way, it seems to be just so awkward that that's the only time we get to talk.

    *sigh*

    I guess I'll let her be. I know that once her relationship falls through maybe she'll realize that she's been ignoring me. But I'll hope that she'll figure that out sooner rather then later.
     
  7. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    So raise your standards for what you require in a friend. You say you will wait around for her to break up and come back to you...

    Why would you do this? It just shows you're fine with being blown off and ignored all the time.

    Stop riding this roller coaster. Go find friends who are consistent.

    Also, sounds like you are a teensy bit jealous.
     
  8. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

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    The only thing that I could ever be envious of is that her bf is grabbing more time with her and that she's been contradicting all the things that she said. Then again, I have the right to feel that way.

    I'm not saying I'm going to wait around and sulk until they break up, all I'm saying is that once they do break up, I know she's going to come to me and talk to me about it like she never missed a beat in our friendship.

    Meh. I guess it's time for a change of scenes.
     
  9. daaarn

    daaarn New Member

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    i've seen this happen with a lot of my female friends. they'll just throw themselves into the relationship at the cost of everything else. yeah, sometimes it does bother me when they blow me off, but i've learned to deal with it. i mean, if they're happy, then far be it for me to force her hand (unless the guy's an absolute douche). i just find something else to do with someone else. as for your situation, just accept it and dont try to go out of your way to do anything for her, that way you won't feel [as] bad if she doesn't reciprocate.
     
  10. natestl

    natestl I queef flies.

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    A few of my friends are like that. They obviously don't feel the same way about you. Just don't bother with them. Seriously. You can try to call and make plans but they are too busy or won't answer. Don't revolve your life around them.

    A good friend of mine got a gf. He never answers his phone or calls me back. He called me a few months ago asking if I would be in his wedding. I realize I mean a lot to him but his life is his gal. Don't worry about it.

    She will realize it sooner or later. Maybe never. But don't worry your life around her.
     
  11. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

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    :werd:

    Just got an invite to go to a concert with a friend on sunday, woot!

    I guess you guys are right. I'll try not pissing on about it. ^.^
     
  12. pretty_n_ink

    pretty_n_ink New Member

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    Personally, I believe that your gal pal is being a bit selfish right now and that's understandable because she is in the "new" part of the relationship and she lost her cherry to this guy. It sucks but that's what happens sometimes; she may not even realize that she is making you feel alienated.

    You could ask her out to lunch/dinner/drinks/whatever for a girls only time so the two of you can catch up. You might want to let her know how you feel. If she is a true friend she will take your feelings into consideration and make some room in her life for you as well.

    In my experience guys tend to be in and out of your life; friendships are there forever. If she continues to ignore you its time to move on. She'll come around when the "honeymoon" part of the relationship is over anyway.
     
  13. pretty_n_ink

    pretty_n_ink New Member

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    Oh, I forgot to address something.

    Don't ask, just tell them to stop slamming the fucking door. It's just childish and disrespectful.
     

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