SRS Friendship after breakup?!?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by uklipse, Oct 17, 2005.

  1. uklipse

    uklipse New Member

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    My ex now of almost 2 years broke up with me because she didn't feel our relationship was moving forward any more. This was 3 weeks after I moved 500 miles with her so she could be closer to her friends and family. She broke up with me w/o even trying to talk it out, but that is another issue.

    We were friends before we started dating and she told me she wanted to be friends afterwards. After awhile I became ok with the breakup. I have tried calling her but she never wants to call me back or just call me period. She responds via email. We had a very clean yet very emotional breakup. I still want to be her friend because I do care about her and want to know how she is doing and what going on in her life. But I don't feel the same thing coming from her. What should I do: keep trying, give it more time or forget about her completely and hope she rots in hell.

    Has anyone had any success at remaining friends with an ex after breaking up like this?
     
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You can remain friends, it'll never be as close as before (obviously) and a lot depends on whether you can truly distance yourself. Even the steeliest person would have trouble seeing a former love passionately greet their new lover.

    Unless you truly didn't care anymore, but you...clearly still do.

    In your case, if you want to remain friends, that benefits mostly her.
    It would be more toward your benefit if you gained some distance from her.
    Call her occasionally, see her occasionally, but try to put some distance there.

    Keep in mind your judgement is clouded on this. You moved 500 miles (a big step) without really truly understanding or seeing where her heart lay. And you got a huge surprise not even 3 weeks later? Yikes...

    So my recommendation to you is to take care of yourself first, and see her less.
     
  3. uklipse

    uklipse New Member

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    I forgot to clarify that after she broke up with me I did move back home, once again against my wishes because living in Chicago was my idea in the first place. The best part is she had these feelings a month before we moved and did not tell me. So, everyone keeps telling me she is a bitch and f*** her but I still care for her and I know she does care for me to a certain degree. She is also knows me better than anyone else even my closest guy friends, so I just enjoy talking to her and don't want to lose that as well.
     
  4. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    She doesn't care for you that much that she couldn't at least tell you about this before hand. So yeah, your friends are right and you need to understand that. In fact, you should be furious that she did that to you, but instead you are acting like a little puppy dog that just got scolded.

    BTW, she is probably dating someone else right now which is part of the reason that she isn't answering or returning your calls. Of course she won't-nor anyone in her family-tell you this, but I bet she is, no matter how much you don't think so. And if by some chance she isn't dating somone, she's going out looking for men.

    You should not remain friends with her. I know you are attached to her, but it's over. Any friendship you maintain with her is only going to make things harder for yourself in the long haul. Plus, what are you planning on telling a new girl you start dating when she finds you still try to keep in touch with an ex that doesn't care to return your calls? Sheesh...
     
  5. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    it is not possible to go back. period. i wish it were, but its not

    edit: also, it is readily apparent she does not care about you, nor does she want friendship. Many times people will use the 'I still want to be friends' line as a misguided and foolhardy attempt to soften the blow. Rarely do they mean it, never does it actually work.
     
  6. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    :werd:

    You still want more, so you can't be friends. Besides, what kind of friend is she? Does she come over, hang out, work on the car with you? No? Well, that's what friends do. Do you ever think about kissing her or having sex with her? Yes? Well, that's NOT what friends do.

    Rule of break-ups: No contact!

    Drop her, you're supplicating yourself to her and it's ugly. Move on, find a new woman.
     
  7. Nightshade

    Nightshade New Member

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    friendship after breakup??

    simple answer: move on!! pardon the cliche, but plenty more fish in the sea!!

    do you need more brain power than that??
     
  8. page

    page New Member

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    Its damn near impossible to be friends immediately after a breakup- give it at least six months- if not a year to start just your basic chit-chat.
     
  9. page

    page New Member

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    :eek3: I didn't know she cheated :(
     
  10. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    best thing to do is get the police to escort you in to get your stuff, that way you have very credible witnesses about what went down while you did that
     
  11. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Sheesh. The girl always takes after the mother.
    Protect yourself. Save copies of the incriminating email. If they do try and get a lawyer involved, the lawyer would quickly tell them they have NOTHING.

    Guess what? SHE's the one who was cheating. She forfeits. Yup.
    The mother's threat is an empty one. Oh it might be credible in her own mind, but that would only be if she's uneducated and rather simple. In reality, it means nothing.

    So keep your calm. Gather some evidence. Talk to a lawyer briefly for some advice if you need to.

    Otherwise, collect your things and be on your merry way. Your life is about to improve a thousandfold. Refuse to engage these childish brats in their little game. Be above that.
     
  12. isaac86hatch

    isaac86hatch This thread sucks

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    Ya know I am in the same situation some what. My girl and I of 3 years broke up about 5-6 months ago and we are just getting to the point where we can hang out with each other and not be tottaly consumed or infatuated about each other. At first when we would hang out we both were able to be together for about an hour of so before we either started fucking again or started fighting again. Like I said it has been awhile now and we have both gone out and slept with someone else, or two and have gone out on dates and what not, and that has really helped us distance each other emotionally. At first it was hard for me to get over the fact that she is gonna sleep with someone and or wind up in a relationship with a new guy, and likewise for her. However if you TRUELY want a friendship with her then you MUST accept the fact that no matter what she says like: "I'm not looking for a relationship right now...dont worry" that in reality she prolly IS looking for one, or at least a fling or one night stand. What really helped me was just realizing that fact..she is gonna date and she is gonna be with another man...get over it. Now the ball came back into my court. I stressed her being with someone else and it really bummed me out for a few weeks, untill I started school again and became more active in other things and started meeting girls here and there and actually taking some out and sleeping with a few of them also. After we had both gone out and done our "getting over someone ritual" we were both able to come back to a level where we did not want each other sexually or emotionally cause we knew we did not HAVE to depend on each other for out needs. I will always be convinced that the only reason most of us try to hold on so hard is because we think we wont find another relationship or find sex anywhere else...but we always will and as soon as you realize that and put your self out there you will be okay.

    Back the the real question though..can you be friends. That all depends on you. Can you treat her like a REAL friend? Can you not call her for days to hang out like a real friend. Would you be happy for them if they found someone they liked..like a real friend. Would you help them with thier homework, or work on thier car or go to lunch with them and NOT expect a kiss or sex for it..like a real friend. At the end of the night can you let them go home without want to go with them..like a real friend.

    Honestly what I do...is just pretend I am her gay friend that is there for emotional support and friendship and not SEX. Because even most Guy/Girl freindships have sexual tension and you need to not have that in your mind. Cause if she still wanted to have sex with you and you wanted to have sex with her...you would not have broken up..right?


    Just my .02
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2005

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