SRS Friends with benefits...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Kortiz-DZ, Sep 11, 2006.

  1. Kortiz-DZ

    Kortiz-DZ Resident Nigerian Lipper OT Supporter

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    How do you jokers deal with this scenario?

    I know a girl...fell in love with her at one point...before too long I was heartbroken.

    Year and a half later and we are talking again. My head is on a different level about her now. I do not want to be with her, but enjoy spending time with her. It seems to be the same with her. In the last week I've spent a lot of time with her.

    She isn't into me and I'm not into her on more than a friend level, but we treat each other physically...as if we were together as a couple.

    When she stays over, we cuddle and hold each other. It's led to further physical enjoyment as well. The kicker is she's still a "virgin" as in she hasn't had the dick in her pussy/ass. But she's done everything else...and done that a lot.

    What the fuck is wrong with this scenario? I feel like I can't talk to other girls because of it. The problem, though, is that I enjoy what happens between me and her.

    I should cut her off and seek what I really want in a woman rather than a bj/hj every once and awhile. It's always an empty feeling too when she leaves. *shrug* go with the flow I guess...she'll cave into sex at some point...I know it.
     
  2. Original

    Original OT Supporter

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    Doesn't sound so much like FWB if you're having empty feelings after she leaves, or any feelings at all. Maybe you're yearning for something more inside, even though you may not be ready for something yet.

    You need to figure out what you really want from her :hsd:
     
  3. Kortiz-DZ

    Kortiz-DZ Resident Nigerian Lipper OT Supporter

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    I'm not allowing myself to like her more than just friends. In my head, she is not worthy of what I have to offer. She DID cheat on me. She DID not appreciate what I was back then.

    I've gotten over the hurt...and know what she is to me. A friend...and we end up getting physical every time we get together. I've forgiven, but I will never forget...but ultimately I still care for her....confusing as fuck i know....

    The empty feeling is how I feel when I know that I can't be with her...but remembering what it was like before it ended last time.

    What I like about the situation is that I know her. I know her inside and out. What makes it easy to just "go with the flow" is that I don't want to have to work to get to know another woman. It seems the last few women I've tried to date had no personality...were not what I wanted from a woman physically...or the timing was just not right.

    What I guess it boils down to is the fact that she is here right now and I know she is willing physically. I initiate it just as much as she does...and enjoy the fuck out of it.

    Where other women are coming out of the woodworks...I hold back. Everyone is always telling me that "you don't have a ring on your finger...so who cares." But I've never been able to date around without feeling guilty about it. I'd never want it to be that way for me if I was interested in a woman and they were doing that to me.

    I dunno wtf to think...does this shit even make sense?
     
  4. Los

    Los Active Member

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    Personally, I'd stay away from friends with benefits. Eventually someone gets attached.

    You're likely getting an empty feeling because you do desire something more, not necessarily with her, but with someone. You do want to find "her" and enjoy a life with someone you love.

    :dunno:

    It can work many ways.
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

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    It doesn't seem like YOU would be able to sustain a FWB.

    Well, like any male, your lower half says go for it, but from your own self-description, it doesn't sound like you're emotionally able to sustain something like that.

    And lest you think this is a knock against you, it isn't. You're probably a pretty decent and caring human being (deep down). That's most of the "problem" right there.
     
  6. Peanuts

    Peanuts New Member

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    I'm in a very similar scenario and have been for the last few months. Its annoying, like, I want to start a serious relationship but at the same time, the thought of delegating so much of my free time to somebody really depresses me. I haven't found the right person I guess because it would take 'the right person' for me to come around and realise that I DO want to spend huge amounts of time with her. There's a FWB for me but I don't want anything more from her.

    Some of my friends are in serious relationships, and I hardly ever see them anymore. Its like 'hey you wanna come for a drink?' 'Nah mate I'm seeing my girlfriend' all the goddamn time. I think that also makes it worse for me because I really value my friends and I'd rather see them on a Saturday night than any girl. There's only a few of us left and we have all sworn that no matter what we're not going to abandon each other like the others have.

    I'm hoping the great people on this forum will help and I'll be watching this thread quite intently :)
     
  7. Kortiz-DZ

    Kortiz-DZ Resident Nigerian Lipper OT Supporter

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    How the fuck can I be friends with this chick when deep down I want to rub uglies with her?

    The shitty thing is deep down I know I could fall for this one again...and I already know that it would end the very same way it did before. She's a whore when it is all said and done. As bad as it sounds, I can't trust her with anything.

    I guess the only way is to end the friendship all together. I don't hang out with her friends and she doesn't hang out with me friends...so there are no buffer zones. When I'm with her...it's just me and her. There is nobody else to keep the distance between me and her when we are together.

    I've got to keep my head straight. This shit is getting really fucking old.
     
  8. SovietRussia

    SovietRussia What? You pooped in the refrigerator? OT Supporter

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    makes sense to me.

    i was in a FWB thing, and i started getting too attached. we still persued other people, but i didnt like hearing about it, and i didnt really want anyone else. id say get out while you can. i think the appeal is just that its easier to just stick with this girl, because you dont have to put any effort into getting to know her.

    you gotta do what makes you feel good. so go with your heart. :hsd:
     
  9. McFly

    McFly New Member

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    Well I could bore you all with the same classic FWB story but it happened to me last year. And now I think I have lost one of the coolest girls ever because of it. She wanted something more serious and I wasn't ready for that for many of the same reasons others have posted above.

    So we agreed to end it before we got hurt. But... we started hanging out again, and things got better this time (at least in my eyes) I was really falling for her. Then she started seeing someone else. They hit it off I guess and she pretty much said "I can't talk to you anymore". This was a girl I thought was one of my closest friends. I was crushed and this all went down in Feb. She is now getting married to this guy. I still have bad thoughts on how this all turned out and would have done some major things differently.

    DO NOT drag out the FWB thing. Make sure both of you know what you want and where things are going. DO NOT ASSUME. I know it's hard to give up the BJ/HJ but there are girls out there that will give you what you want and have a REAL relationship.

    Hope this helps, if more questions fire them out to everyone.
     
  10. Kortiz-DZ

    Kortiz-DZ Resident Nigerian Lipper OT Supporter

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    I guess I've got to put a stop to her staying the night.

    Whether I've got what it takes to put my foot down remains to be seen.
     
  11. Los

    Los Active Member

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    You might stumble a bit but I'm sure you'll be able to do it.
     
  12. iceburgslim

    iceburgslim Guest

    Not everyone is into casual sex.
     
  13. Crush

    Crush Epidural hematoma up in this bitch

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    sounds like she's got you whipped.
     
  14. Kortiz-DZ

    Kortiz-DZ Resident Nigerian Lipper OT Supporter

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    Casual sex is for one night stands...

    Not for people that have a history together...

    And to be quite honest, I don't believe she has me whipped. I just don't think I have what it takes to handle the situation without getting attached. And this probably goes for any situation involving myself and a girl in constant physical attention. And this situation is entensified because of the history I have with this girl.

    Casual sex with a friend....I couldn't take....and in that sense you are correct...but you see, freud just let me know what I believe casual sex is and what isn't casual sex...ultimately I'll get attached (because in the back of my mind...i don't think of it as casual sex.)

    and there you have it....

    btw I haven't talked to her since saturday night...if that means anything to you jokers.

    also, I could definitely take a one night stand....in fact some random chick coming over would probably be right up my alley right now. I need some pussy.....from a girl I don't know and will never get to know.
     
  15. iceburgslim

    iceburgslim Guest

    Why do you keep calling us jokers? Do you really wanna hurt us? Do you really wanna make us cry?
     
  16. Kortiz-DZ

    Kortiz-DZ Resident Nigerian Lipper OT Supporter

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    I call people jokers/hoss/crackajack...

    Think of it more as a term of endearment than an insult, will ya?
     
  17. Vixxen

    Vixxen New Member

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    .
     
  18. Kortiz-DZ

    Kortiz-DZ Resident Nigerian Lipper OT Supporter

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    drunk dials ftl

    i called her last night at 3...of course she didn't answer but i wasn't so stupid to leave a message.
     
  19. Vixxen

    Vixxen New Member

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    makes sense to me.

    question: when the benefits end does the friendship go with it?
     
  20. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    :rofl:

    Hoss crackajack
     
  21. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    it seems like you are hurt and want her to make it up to you somehow but sex isn't doing it for you. you need to have that emotional connection as well or else it's just no fun. you probably wouldn't think twice about her if you had another girl around. i think you're just simply addicted to her.
     
  22. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Usually. The typical ending is that one of the two develops real feelings.

    You can't really help it because let's face it, sex is a very intimate thing.

    If not at first, it will become so, and therefore entraps one or both people, catching them off-guard with deeper feelings they believed themselves not to have.

    Typically this is the girl.

    Although, more and more these days, the guy surprises himself by finding that he genuinely cares for this girl. Sometimes he doesn't find this out until the girl stops seeing him because she's found a real boyfriend.

    Its then that the old story of "didn't know what he had....until it was gone" repeats itself...




    the other very common scenario is that they get into it because the guy wants some, and the girl thinks she can win him over with sex...

    They proceed to have sex, but eventually it dawns on the girl that she won't ever win him over, leading her to feel very used (even though she did it to herself).

    She then breaks it off with the guy and that's the end of that.
     
  23. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    if it were FWB, you wouldnt feel guilty about dating other women
     
  24. Kortiz-DZ

    Kortiz-DZ Resident Nigerian Lipper OT Supporter

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    Right....and I explained that with this...

     
  25. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    my bad, hadnt read the rest ofthe thread when i posted that :o
     

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