Friends with benefits...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by creep, Jan 22, 2005.

  1. creep

    creep Guest

    A while ago, I tried the whole friends with benefits, and I thought it was kinda cool at the time, because there wasn't much you didn't have to do, and so I thought "this is cool, I'll get to do all the plus sides of a relationship, while not experiencing the negative stuff (fights, jealousy, etc)" so I tried that for maybe a month and a half, and I don't know what it was -- I guess I wasn't ready for it, you know -- more less my head was saying I was ready for it, but I felt a little too rushed into things.

    So we eventually parted and I lost a good friend to it, had we not went for friends with benefits, I may have had a really cool friend to hang out with -- but now I don't, and she hates me. So I think I want to stay away from friends with benefits, that never worked out in the way I wanted, and I also found out there were more steps to it, but I never got to put those into exercise.

    So basically friends with benefits screwed (no pun) me out of a good friend and left me with a unstable entrance to relationships. I think if I were offered a girlfriend or friends with benefits, I think I would choose a girlfriend.
     
  2. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    I think age has alot to do with comin to that conclusion. Years back I did the whole friends with benefits business but there comes a time where no matter how much 'fun' you're havin, you just feel alone at the end of the day. And the same as you, I found that these guys I was chillin with, and enjoyed bein around...I would lose that friendship in the end. Sometimes, when the timin is right, you have to keep others as either friends or lovers, no betweens. Follow what you're feelin with the next girl you meet. Dont go into it with any kind of mind set, just go with the flow.
     
  3. mkevaldz

    mkevaldz New Member

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    Hate to sound like the bad guy, but FWB didn' screw you out of anything, you screwed yourself. Not fully checking into the mental aspect of something like that is a bad thing. Let me guess here, you started to get feelings, but didn't want to show them, maybe hoping she would come along, which she didn't, then, you started to show little signs of jealousy, possibly getting really quiet around her, when she'd ask what's wrong, you'd say nothing. little fights started to happen then, you might have confessed your feelings to her, which angerd her because she realized you went into something without being ready for it, and you were showing the jealous insecure side to her, which is why you parted...

    anyways, lesson learned, don't sulk in it, let this experience be a stepping stone emotionally for you, learn from your mistakes, and use it in future relationships to be a better partner. good luck
     
  4. KelKel

    KelKel New Member

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    my current boyfriend and I started out like that we were fwb for 4 months and we've been together for a year and are as happy as ever.
     
  5. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :werd:

    something usually happens... it sucks that in your case you two couldn't be friends afterwards. i've had a few fwb's in my days, and i lost a good friend to it too. :( it was very hard at first, especially since we were together all the time.

    too each their own... :) life is full of learning experiences. add this to your book of knowledge in hopes that you won't ever have to experience it again.
     
  6. creep

    creep Guest

    Well I did get feelings and I thought she would too at the time...

    But what's weird is, normally friends with benefits is where you go over to see someone to get physical contact -- but we did things that would almost be considered boyfriend and girlfriend -- and to her, she said we were just seeing each other, we weren't in a relationship or anything like that.

    So I guess I let myself down, because I tried not to get connected, but when you're kissing someone, you have to feel something.
     
  7. mkevaldz

    mkevaldz New Member

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    don't be hard on yourself man...FWB isn't something everyone can handle...There's no harm in giving it a try, good news is you weren't torn into pieces by it, it's only a flesh wound and it'll heal soon enough. You will take this experience and use it in the future, making you a stronger person and better person to be in a relationship with.
     
  8. cuz

    cuz Guest

    i had that for a while, friends with benifits, but i got sick of that, i wanted a real relationship and now i have one and im not looking back!
     
  9. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    ;) lol... my situation, too. my "fwb" used to stay at my place on weekday and weekend nights, and we used to go out with friends together. minus the hours spent at work, you could pretty much find us together. at the end of our "thing," before we stopped talking, his friends would call me to find out where he was, and 99.9% of the time we were together...

    :sad2: i wish we were still friends, but his other half won't let that happen.
     
  10. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Well, maybe later in life would be better for you.

    Don't blame the FWB setup, there's nothing wrong with it.
    That's like someone getting dumped or burned by their girlfriend, and proclaiming the boyfriend/girlfriend structure is fundamentally wrong, despite the fact that plenty of people are very happily enjoying it.

    But, I do agree, FWB needs to be handled carefully and with understanding and skill. There is potential for problems, even disaster and if it's unfamiliar territory to you, proceed carefully. But just because its new, is no reason not to go there...
     
  11. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I'd say you two were in a relationship-in-denial.

    His other half probably quite rightly interprets you as a former girlfriend. That's what you were, essentially, even though you guys didn't label yourselves that.

    The deep emotional intimacy you guys shared is the giveaway clue. FWB is physical intimacy, but less emotional intimacy. Those are the real ties that bind.
     
  12. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    It's really hard to maintain a FWB. I think J is right you either have to be friends or lovers. It's natural for emotions to develop and it happens faster than you think
     
  13. CBurgerjr

    CBurgerjr League leading 49 HR in 1986.

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    The FWB thing hardly ever has a happy ending. Either one of the 2 starts to get feelings for the other...It will happen..........And if the other isn't in to it...you'll just end up alone...wishing you'd never done it...I know first hand...I feel oyu.
     
  14. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    oh, i definitely concur... about the "relationship" issue. we were definitely closer than i had ever been with another fwb.

    i don't know what to think about his other half (now wife, mind you ;)). she was known for hating girls because a few of her friends stole her men or potential men... something of the sort. do i disagree with the way that she handled things? yes... i wouldn't EVER tell a man i was dating who he could and could not hang out with. i wouldn't expect him to stay with me if i did and vice versa. not to mention, i helped her through some hard times (accidental death of her previous fiance) and was there for her even though we weren't such good friends.

    :dunno: i'm over it now... it's in the past... i've learned many things from the experience, though there's just one thing that still infuriates me: why do other girls inevitably view me as a threat? :hs: ... i guess that's something i'll have to live with, though i don't like it.
     
  15. johan

    johan Active Member

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    View you as a threat huh?
    Probably cus you come off as cool, laid-back, accepting, fun and pretty mature. It smacks of superiority.

    Note that I'm not suggesting you're not in some way...I think you are. And that might bug lesser girls who have to compete against you (even if only in their own minds).

    And neither am I suggesting that you have a big ego because of it. I don't think you do -- which probably irks them even more. Can't win can ya Tams.
     
  16. punkerjim

    punkerjim Guest

    i know what you mean... it sounds good at first, then it gets bad... apparently women get crazy after you fuck them... i guess they have "feelings"

    I ended up marrying my fuck buddy 2 years ago....
     
  17. reservoirs

    reservoirs New Member

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    Just curious but how does one typically initiate a friends with benefits relationship? Do you just straight out say "Well I'm not interested in dating you but it'd be cool if we fucked" and it's all good? I'm sure there must be a little awkwardness in bringing it up.
     
  18. BlMMERGUY

    BlMMERGUY New Member

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    could it be that your friend with benifits got jealous at one point? that seems to be a reoccuring theme. was there another guy she went off with? or did you go off with some other girl? if so there is your problem no one wants to be chosen over. you didnt date her for some reason or another probably wasnt hot enough in this case. whatever man brush the dirt off your shoulders and next time you run into her, just make it seem like you're doing really well with your life and she'll feel like the one who lost out
     
  19. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    well, it just depends...

    one of the guys i was with for a few months wasn't necessarily a friend of mine. we never hung out except for the nights that i'd go over to his place. i wouldn't call it "fwb." it was more like just a fuck buddy relationship. i didn't know any of his friends, and he didn't know any of mine... you know, that sorta deal.

    another guy i've been very good friends with for a very long time. we went on a double date waaay back when (we're talking years), and we weren't interested in each other at all...whatsoever. i had just gotten out of a relationship, and i really wasn't looking for anything at the moment, but i wanted to keep him as a friend. one night we questioned the idea of being a little more than friends. we were both horny, and we figured that messing around a little bit wouldn't hurt anything. (our "fwb" relationship was a little different than most though, because we didn't have vaginal sex.) ;) there's much more to "us" than that, but i'll leave it at that.

    guy number three i met when i first moved to orlando, florida. we'd been talking online for a few months before i moved down. we met a week after i got here, and though i knew he wanted an exclusive relationship, i wasn't ready to begin dating someone right away, but that doesn't mean i wasn't attracted to him. i was more concerned with getting to know people and making my new surroundings my home. we brought the idea up and had a fwb relationship for almost 4 months.

    there are few examples :o...
     

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