SRS Friend's mom is about to pass away, how can I help?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by copperhead035, Jan 11, 2007.

  1. copperhead035

    copperhead035 New Member

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    Well, the news came pretty quickly. She's been an RN for something like 18 years, and knew something was wrong but decided to put it off until after the holidays. Turns out she had a large tumor in her chest. Had surgery to remove it today, and the doctors won't know for a couple days at best what exactly it was, but it sounds bad.

    Now, I'm very close to this family. I became friends with the two brothers, who are now 21 and 23, and their parents took me in as one of their own. Right now I'm the only person outside the family that knows what is going on. The younger of the two brothers said he was told that she has anywhere from 2 months to a year to live, but at this point who knows. Today was the first time that I saw the older of the two cry, in the 3 years that I've known him.

    Normally I'm fairly good at giving at advice, but have always been bad at giving it to myself, and right now I'm simply at a loss for words, as I've never experienced the death of someone close to me. I know I need to be there for them, and I am, but is there anything else I can do or say to help them out?

    If we're lucky, it will be nothing and she'll live for another 10 years, but right now everyone is expecting the worst :(
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    In times of great despair, you might sometimes be confronted with a situation that you have no control over. If someone is going to pass away for sure, then it wouldn't matter how high or how low you jump its going to happen anyway. You are there for them. No one is expecting more nor can you do anything about the situation. Your not a medical expert, and even if you where you'd be to closely involved. I think you have to understand that showing compassion,sympathy and just standing by their sides and supporting them is the only decent thing you can do in a situation like this.
     
  3. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    As someone that's lost many people close to me, I can assure you that simply being there is enough. You can't take away the pain your freinds are and will experience...however, you can assure them (with your actions of just being close and helping out when needed) that you are there for them. Opportunities will present themselves, you don't need to go looking for them.

    Just be open to helping whereever you can. If they need to go make funeral arrangements, ask if they'd like you to go with them....offer to drive. If they have to pick out cemetary plots....also ask if they want you to go. They may say no but at least they know you are willing to help. And don't get offended if they resist you efforts to help....every family is different and deals with these issues differently.

    If she passes away, a common helpful thing to do is bring the family food....like turkey or ham. So they don't have to concern themselves with dinner. And just jump in and do the dishes for them whenever you see they need to be done.

    These things seem very little but they can really mean a lot when someone is in grief.

    Also, it's normal for them to tell the same stories (about the loved one) over and over....it helps with healing. Smiling and being patient with them while they do this can be an enormous benefit.

    Your friends emotions may swing wildly from one minute to the next. One minute they are laughing and carrying on like nothing is wrong, the next second they are bawling uncontrollably. That's part of the grief process and it's ok to simply give hugs and say you're sorry. There really is no perfect way to help....just be kind, patient and open to the process.

    Good luck and God Bless.
     
  4. whatever

    whatever OT Supporter

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    Actions speak louder then words.
     
  5. copperhead035

    copperhead035 New Member

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    Thanks for the advice guys
     
  6. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Science has a very poor chance of curing cancer.

    Want to try something absoloutely radical... if they are desperate enough to try anything, and I MEAN ANYTHING...

    http://www.gnosticteachings.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=2054

    Now posting that on OT and expecting you to even try it is like trying to shoot a deer with a pot shot in the dark a mile away. But I tried :)
     

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