SRS Friends? & Economy

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by PuppyCat, Nov 30, 2005.

  1. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    It seems lately, that having friends all comes down to economics.
    It is bumming me out big time.
    This is just a smidge of how my so-called friends are:

    I am in the NICU (aka: “The Factory”) after my surgery, I don’t look very good. A friend comes into see me and says “You look like shit.” Can you lend me $100?

    I am in a private room at the hospital. I am majorly messed up from those nice needles in my rear fender, attached to all kinds of monitors, I can only see out of one eye, and I am profoundly depressed.
    Aha! Some friends come to visit. They bring me flowers, balloons and my favorite, chocolate covered cherries. 4 out of 5 go out for a smoke. #5 stays with me, bends over the bed, and asks “Hey, I know this isn’t a good time, but I am short on my rent, could you lend me some money?” I says “I don’t have any money with me.” He says “Well, do you have your back card or a credit card with you?” I says “no” and he leaves and my friends do not come back from having their cigarette.

    I am at home, in bed, with Connie the Nurse from Hades looking after me. (Actually, she’s okies and a nice woman). A friend comes by. He sits on the bed with me, we banter. He then asks “Can you call such and such a person and ask them if they will hire me on Project X?” Now making a phone call is no big deal, I realize that. The fact that I have just gotten out of the hospital, am a loony tune from meds, cannot open my mouth wide (my mandible seized or something) and at best, I am not making any sense, forced me to say “No, sorry.” I am not going to call Mr. X for you, you call him instead and state your case.” My friend, turned all huffy and left.

    Next day, another friend shows up. She asks to borrow a) some clothes (she has a hot date); a pair of shoes; my pearls (gift from my Grandparents 20 years ago); and my car.
    I asks : “My car?” She says “Well, it’s obvious you aren’t going to use it for awhile.” I say “NO” to all things. My friend then begs. Sure I have loaned her things in the past, never my car, I know she drinks a lot. My pearls are one of my most cherished possessions. The shoes are new I even have not worn them. She pleads. I say “No, sorry.” She looks at me and says the operation has made me mean, starts crying and making a fuss, Nurse Connie sees I am upset and asks her to leave—that I require my rest.

    I have had a lot of time to think about all of this. Scads of time. I have discussed it with someone I trust while sitting on the red bench.

    I don’t think real friends would ask so much of me all of the time, especially considering my present condition. I feel like “The Bank of PuppyCat”. This has all made me very sad.

    Do other people have friends like this? Are they friends? Or are they friends as long as I can subsidize them in some manner, be it with money, possessions or influence? Case in point, I have not heard from any of the above people I have said “No” to.

    I am very sad (and perhaps a bit hurt and angry) by this.

    :sadwavey:
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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  3. uptown josh

    uptown josh Active Member

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    why are these people your friends? Just cut your ties with them you obviously don't need em
     
  4. V!

    V! New Member

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    I wouldn't be friends with them after that

    I never understand how people can work up the nerve to ask questions like this during that time.
     
  5. Tweekend

    Tweekend New Member

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    Very lame of them. I hate dealing with people like this and at the earliest signs I ignore them at all costs
     
  6. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    I feel like I'm considered brother moneybags lately. I know a little of what it's like for you. The whole medical thing really has to suck. I dunno, they all sound about worthless.
     
  7. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    There's a difference between helping out someone when they have need, and helping someone out when they have want. Your so-called friends aren't acting like friends - they just want you to bankroll them when they've extended themselves too far on things they don't need.

    Ask yourself: Would they do the same for you? Have they promptly repaid loans from you before? If you had nothing to your name would they still hang out with you? If the answer to any of these is "no", then don't do it. Your money is exactly that: YOURS. Just for kicks, ask to see credit and debit statements the next time someone asks you for a loan. If they're spending money on useless shit (and I guarantee that they are), point that out to them and tell them to have a nice day. The banks don't lend money to people with a history of poor money-management skills, so why should you?

    There are better people out there and just like finding a mate, you don't have to settle for less. I'd rather have two friends I would trust my life with than twenty I wouldn't.
     
  8. johan

    johan Active Member

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    If these accounts are accurate, these are NOT friends of yours. Acquaintances, at best, and even then, not acquaintances I'd bother to keep around.

    If I were in hospital with all sorts of tubes sticking in, and some "friend" showed up for a token visit and then asked to borrow money....well, I guess it depends on the person.

    Merely the act of asking to borrow money alone isn't that bad....if the rest of their conduct is ok. Meaning, I can imagine if my very best buddy was in dire dire straits, I'd help out.

    But from the way you describe it, you seem to be feeling used, taken advantage of. That these people offer you little by way of genuine friendship, you know, mutual interest, respect, caring, support.

    If this is so...why? Wither "friendship"?
     
  9. LisaR

    LisaR Awaiting Approval

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    I can't believe someone would ask you for money while you're in the hospital!
     
  10. V!

    V! New Member

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    You'd be surprised what people do these days...
     
  11. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    I'm not sure saying so makes you feel any better Puppycat, but I agree that these do not sound like friends at all. Should it make you depressed? ....perhaps. But consider this the opportunity to see the true faces of people. This may potentially save you years of grief from them.

    Like Johan says, treat them as acquaintences, *at best*. Or cut them out of your life entirely.
     
  12. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Thank you all for the advice...and thank you Toasty for the smile.
     
  13. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    :ugh: If I had a friend in your shoes, asking them to borrow things or money would be the last thing I would bring up in a conversation. I would be more worried about his/her recovey and how soon we would be hanging out together doing things again.

    I would erase these people from your life asap.

    Good luck in your recovery. If you don't mind my asking, are you seriously ill or were you in some kind of accident? :hs:

    :hug:
     
  14. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Good luck in your recovery. If you don't mind my asking, are you seriously ill or were you in some kind of accident? :hs:

    :hug:[/quote]

    Thank you for the hug.

    Brain surgery. :eek3:
     
  15. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    :eek5: Wow, sorry to hear. More prayers for a speedy recovery :)


    :hug: (the more the better)
     

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