Friends after a relationship?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by DTR rex, Jul 19, 2007.

  1. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Yeah, yeah, I know..... BAD BAD BAD idea.

    But I am just curious how many of you have been successful in maintaining a friendship with your ex? I know a few people that have done it, but most say it is really hard to work out.

    As a quick background, me and my ex were friends for a few months before getting together and then we dated for ~ 6 years. We were both kinda unsure what we wanted, and she ended it which kinda destroyed me a bit.
    We have a really great connection and we can both benefit from a friendship I think, but I am not sure how practical this is.
    We have been broken up ~ 2 months and see each other once a week or so to hang out. At first it was REALLY hard, but it has gotten progressively easier... but still not "easy.
    We are still close with one another, but our lives are moving in different directions and she has become a different person which makes it all kinda wierd.

    I wasn't going to do the friends thing, but we had a couple talks and agreed that if we both worked hard we could both benefit since we were together so long as a couple. At one point in the beginning I was going to end the friendship because it was hard on me, but the next day she got really sick and it was ME that saved her life... literally. She likely would have died if I was not there when she called.
    I took that as a sign from God that maybe we should still try to maintain contact in one anothers lives.

    I know a couple people that successfully maintained friendships for years after their breakup. Each person says it is really hard, but sometimes worth it in the end to keep that person in your life... but in a different way.
     
  2. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    I've kept friendships with a few exes. It has to be something both people want IMO or it won't ever happen. But as for it being worth it in the end... I don't think it really matters one way or the other, unless you have mutual friends.
     
  3. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    I dated this girl back in High School, we broke up, some where during senior year of High School and Freshmen Year of college we became really good friends. Then another year later we slept together :o, but we are still good friends. Mostly talking on AIM, but a good phone call a few times a month.
     
  4. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Both people have to want it.

    I've only done it once, and only with my least-serious relationship. We talk daily online at work.

    With the hardcore 1-2+ year omg-we-might-get-married relationships, there's no way it could really happen.
     
  5. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Yes, we both want it. The first few weeks of the breakup were pretty rough, but then after I had some time to calm down and clear my head we had a few talks and decided we were both still really important to one another and it would be a good idea to remain friends since we both still "love" one another and care for the other person..... But the whole dating thing is just a not a mutual feeling.
     
  6. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Yikes. Yeah, we were together for 6 years, lol! Def. a long-term relationship with expectations of marriage and "be together forever" type of stuff.

    She has already moved on for the most part, and I am "getting there". I hope that once I am nearly over her or over her all together we can truly be friends. We have hung out a few times since and it has been nice. Sometimes feelings reappear and its hard, other times it is not hard. I hope with time it will be easier for us both.

    Also, yes we do have mutual friends. Since we dated so long, obviously we were going to hang with the same people. She has made a lot of new friends since, but nonetheless we share mutual friends and more importantly her brother is a VERY good friend of mine.... I chill with him about 3X a week.

    I guess just wait and see how it works out? I have always believed that "nothing in life worth having comes easy" and if this friendship is going to be special we will both have to work hard. I am just afraid I want it more than she does, even though she tells me being friends is a "must".
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I've said it before and I'll say it again. I am friends with a lot of my ex's. Even the one's that were special to me. And I mean good friends with some of them. This is because of two things:
    *We were lucky enough to have mutual break-ups
    *I was smart enough (if it as a hard/bad break-up) to wait a long sufficient amount of time to get over them, or let them get over me
     
  8. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    I have kept friendships with every single one of exes

    I've never really had a problem, we've always broken up mutually or broken up on good terms
     
  9. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    I've managed to remain friends with one ex, and I keep in contact (an email or myspace message every few weeks) with two others. The only way I could be friends with the first one was taking a long separation after the break up. We didn't talk for a year or so after things went sour and started fresh after the distance. We're great friends now and don't really think of each other as exs anymore. The other two I just randomly message back and forth with to stay informed about their lives. We basically only tell each other big news and family stuff.

    Sportsjunkie, I've spent a lot of time up in Rockville since one of the exs I'm talking about was from there. Fun place, good crabs.
     
  10. Out of that entire thing I got . . .






























































    Good crabs? :rofl:
     
  11. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    Haha as I was typing that I was wondering why kind of jokes people would make...but yeah, Rockville MD has really good blue crabs.
     
  12. All I got from that one this time is . . .




































































































    the crabs are blue. :rofl:
     
  13. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    :mamoru2:
     
  14. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    IamtheBeast- I haven't decided to buy a sub yet so I can't PM you back...

    Care to email or myspace message?
     
  15. Kalypso

    Kalypso New Member

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    picard.jpg
     
  16. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Our breakup was not mutual. It was one of those things where we decided to "take a break" for a couple weeks which was mutual and then when we started talking again I wanted the relationship back, and she didn't. I was super-pissed and depressed for a while so I tried to stay away from her.

    About a month passed with us hardly seeing each other and now we hang out ~ once a week... We go to church together, and sometime meet up at Starbucks for coffee and catchup, or see a movie, etc..

    Like I said, I am still not completely over her and she knows this; and she is not over me yet and I know this.... but I am MUCH MUCH better off now with all of this than I was a month ago. OUR hope is that with time we can be absolute best friends since we still mean so much to one another and still kinda "soul-mates" (but not in a romantic way, lol).

    I am thinking maybe if we continue the once a week thing, maybe in another 3-6 months we can both be ok enough to hang out more often without any tension.
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2007
  17. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    been friends with my ex for the last 3 years
    . don't think of her as my ex anymore either. but i was never emotionally involved with her so it was trivial for me to stay friends without being hurt by it. not so much for her.

    however she has improved and we truly are friends now.
     
  18. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Our breakup was not due to incompatability so much. We were together a long time and our relationship became more of a friendship than anything and I just kinda pushed her away. In the end, she left me and THEN I realized all I had done wrong.... but it was too late.

    As far as bad memories there is not really any of that. We were best friends... soul-mates when we were going out. We have been through everything with each other. She was there for me when my mom and grandfather had cancer and was like part of the family.... I was there for her when her family was going through some real rough times too.
    Our relationship kinda ended prematurely, and there is not much bad-blood between us at all.

    We are still VERY VERY important to one another and still love one another. Which is why it seems stupid for us to walk away from this and forget about each other when we already have so much invested.
    She didn't cheat on me, I didn't cheat on her, there was no name calling, etc.... We still get along great, but I am just not totally over her yet, and she is not over me yet.
    (yeah I know, then why did we break up? Because she got scared) but that's another story :rofl:
     
  19. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Good to hear.

    I am really surprised by this thread. I expected a slew of people coming in here telling me I am stupid, but it is good to hear that others have made it work because even after the relationship is gone, there is still a strong connection between the people.
    In time, I don't want to think of her as my EX, but rather my best friend.
     
  20. Ark

    Ark New Member

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    I think its quite possible as everyone here has already said. It may have been mentioned already but the friendship hinges on a few things. How badly the breakup was and how long you waited for trying for a friendship are just a few. Even if the person looks like they took the break up well there still can be feelings they are dealing with.

    My ex and I are still friends but it was a rocky start because I took the breakup well but a week later she was telling me about her new boyfriend and how she was moving out with him and new job prospects. I was happy for her but even though I wasn't bothered by us breaking up too badly (I saw it coming 2 weeks in advance) it still hurt and it felt like she was doing that on purpose. I still talk to her through instant messages and she says she "misses me and everything" (not sure what that means) but I don't know if I'm in the spot where I can go hang out with her just yet. So take your time with it.
     
  21. Keesh

    Keesh New Member

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    Friendship after a relationship is very possible. It is very hard to have one directly after though. It works much better when both people have gotten over each other and moved on.
     
  22. giapia

    giapia Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you re

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    out of my 5 or 6 relationships i've maintained excellent friendships with two. in fact, those two are apart of my closest circle of friends. i'm always ok with being friends after but if the other party doesn't then there's not much you can do when they cut off contact :hs:
     
  23. DavMX

    DavMX New Member

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    Thats what im doing at the moment.... Not returning calls or texts... :hs:
     
  24. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    1) Yes, that was basically it. When she was ready, I was not. When I was, she was not, lol... Kinda strange how it worked out.
    We hung out yesterday and she even told me "isn't strange how the last year of our relationship was rocky, but now that we have broken up we have both kinda realized stuff and changed and now we are more perfect for each other than ever..... we hav the best connection anyone could ever hope for".
    I wanted to yell at her and say "then why are we not dating again!" but I knew that would cause complications and I just said "oh well, when the time is right, if it ever is..... we will both know it".

    2) I know what you're saying about the memories. Sometimes it is hard because when I see her I think about all the great times we had together, how perfect we are for each other, and why it was so stupid we broke up when we did. Even though we dated for years, now that we are friends, we are like those 2 friends you see hanging out and everyone says to themselves "they are perfect for one another, why the hell don't they just date".
    See, we are still great together... both her and I agree we are a perfect match..... She just got really scared, and now is afraid of getting back together because she is afraid of getting hurt. Kinda suck, but I feel for her.

    Anyways, I guess I will have to just learn that those memories are good things... They are me remembering a great part of my life that I wouldn't trade for anything... Sure it hurts sometimes, but it can also be amazing to remember the times we shared.

    3) This will be the BIGGEST challenge... As I am sure you are aware since you saved that point for last, lol. It was one thing coming to terms with the breakup... which was hard, and still kinda is, but I am pretty ok now. However, the thought of her being with another guy does bother me. She gave me her V-card and were together for years... no one else has touched her and the thought of another guy holdling her, another guy loving her, etc... bugs the shit out of me.
    But I guess I kinda have to expect it to.

    There is already a guy she has a crush on and spends a decent amount of time with. She says nothing is developing, but all the signs are there that a relationship has solid potential to develop with them. If that happens it will suck big-time, but I am not sure if I am willing to lose her friendship because I cannot keep my own jealousy in control.
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2007
  25. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    Good to hear.

    Yeah, we both want it. I know I want it, and I tell her... and I know she wants it (probably more than I want it, even though she ended the relationship).

    We did take a few weeks apart after the breakup to cool off, and now we hang out ~ once a week. We hope that soon/eventually we can/will be ABSOLUTE BEST FRIENDS and hang out very often.

    I think this can work... The only thing that could destroy it at this point would be her getting another boyfriends and jealousy getting the best of me.... But I guess that will be one of the biggest tests of my life of how strong I can be.
     

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