Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Wonderboy, May 28, 2008.
Why is it so hard to make friends?
You have to put yourself out there so you can start friendships.
A key factor that many people with little to no friends forget is they have to initiate. This may be a bad example, but in a way it's like getting a job -- they aren't going to come to you, if you don't go to them first and show interest in them.
Initiate, initiate, initiate. It is vital.
What have you done to try and make friends?
Join a sports team, go rock climbing, join a class of some sort (dancing, martial arts, language class, writing class), join a club (chess, D&D, film whatever), go to the library or the gym. Get involved in something you enjoy and interact with the people there, once you've interacted a couple of times suggest meeting up outside the activity/class/club/team. Invite people from work out with you for a drink, a bite to eat, to see a sports event, whatever.
Making friends seems a lot harder than it actually is, I know this from experience, but you're the one who will have to initiate.
i'm always calling people... i actually have quite a bit of friends... but i always have to call them up and see if they wanna hang out... I initiate all the time... I'm funny and social... but people don't seem to call me back... By "friends" in the first post, i meant like people who you get close with, like close friends that you always do stuff with, hang out with... But people i am friends with is usually just callin them and hangin out once in a while. And if anything better than hangin out, then i have to plan it all the time... I don't understand it.. It's kinda hard to explain
i do, i do, i do... The problems is my-so-called friends never initiate it.. and i feel like a sucker calling them all the time to see if they wanna hangout
In truth, I have friends like that, where I was the one to always initiate. My two best buddies LOVE, I mean fucking eat-shit-sleep videogames. It's ruined my relationship with them. I'm out there trying to live and they're absorbed in WoW, or GTA, or CoD, or Halo or whatever other shite is out.
I took the same attitude as I do with women, I am the prize. They are missing out when they don't hang with me.
yea i am trying to do that... There is this couple i hang out with, they are really chill, we get high, play 360 or whatever.. We lived in the same dorm last year, hung out with them like every 2-3 days. This year we used to hang out like once a week or 2. Then i realized i was calling them all the time, felt like a sucker, and said fuck'em and didn't call 'em for like 3-4 weeks now.. And haven't heard anything from 'em
wanna hang out with me lol
btw hows the canada crew thread going, i didn't bother to buy a sub
In my experience, most groups of friends have an "initator" or "planner" - the one person that does the calling, picking a spot, time, etc. I'm that person for one group of my friends, but not for some others. Its not that the other people dont want to plan/call, they just dont or arent wired that way. Most of the time the others appreciate when the "planner" takes the time to organize and gets people together, but they just dont take the initative them selves for some reason...
Maybe you need to be that person? Sometimes it sucks to have to do all the "work" but in the end its worth it b/c you get to hang out with your friends and they have fun too.
I try to initiate, but they don't want to initiate with me.
give an example
Making and maintaining friends is a full time job. The people I meet and come across become more of an acquaintance to me than anything deeper.
It was much easier when I was younger. Everyone was generally on the same paths (i.e. getting through school, too young to drink publicly, worked at the same jobs, etc.). When I worked with a few people, their friends came to the place chatting with them and such and met them through my coworkers; getting into a more professional atmosphere of jobs, I find myself adamantly keeping the professional and personal life separate.
But the answer to your question is the most obvious one: You've got to put yourself out there in social situations. Obviously you would want to get involved with activities that pertain to your interests so that those interactions are much easier; I've seen people force themselves to do things they otherwise would never do voluntarily in order to get closer to people and they struggled more than they succeed.
haha you are poor... jk
the thread is goin good
yeah it is tough too but they make their plans too, but usually they don't invite me (or they don't think of inviting me) unless i call 'em and ask them what's up and they would be like goin to blah blah and then ask me if i wanna come... ju know what i'm sayin
I got the same problem. I've been thinking it is because my friends think I am boring to hang out with so I have been trying to be more outgoing. Hasn't really worked yet, but I'm not sure why they don't think of me when they are doing things. I always suggest to them we should go do something and they agree but never let me know when they are available.
I understand; perhaps you may have to put yourself more out there in a way that would make them think, "Hey, this is a pretty fun person. I would enjoy their company more." If that includes forcing yourself on occasion to come up to them initially, then so be it. If you're still hitting walls with them, then it's an obvious sign to disregard them since your time and energy would be better spent going after other things/people.
yep same here.. that's what i was thinking too...
If you don't create self interest in people they won't like you meaning, if there is nothing in you for them, what is the point of them hanging with you.
Then again, you don't want to make it more superficial then it already is.
It's because they're insecure and think that their friends won't join them if they call.
I think the problem is that most people are just plain fucking stupid. Sorry to be blunt, but I have no problems meeting people, talking to people and genuinely showing interest in people. But the people I meet are all dead ends. I realize that they are people too, but they live such dull and boring lives. I want to meet people with energy, people with ambitious goals in life and people who I can truly relate to. This is the biggest problem for me.
Every so often I meet a great friend and I can sense it. I tend to seek out these type of friendships and basically ignore most others.
BTW, I have like one good friend
You have to take a careful look at the situation. You gotta think of anything that you might be doing that makes them turned away from you. Maybe by calling all the time you make them feel like you are needy or something. You just gotta look at bad quality's about yourself and change. And sometimes it might not be a completely obvious flaw about yourself, it could be something little, you just gotta look out for it.
Than you should try meeting people in new places.
You indeed have quite the ego there. I am sorry to be so blunt but indeed the truth smacks you like a board in the face. These people who you envision as lively and interesting only are appealing to you. Others may view them as crude people. Others sharp.
The point is, it's subjective. And quite clearly the potential to make friends is there, however quite clearly you are being picky.
In fact, I would even go to say that you're all done with you're "friends" when that interesting thing goes away. The world doesn't treat people like that kindly. You may be a sensual person, driven by sensations and other dopamine driven behavior, but always remember that the world doesn't really give two shits.
True friends will hold hands and walk into the quicksand together.