Friend turned FWB issue, has my head spinning..help please? :HSD:

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by xiphos, May 8, 2008.

  1. xiphos

    xiphos i r smart

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    Bare with me I know you don't want to read all of this shit but whatever ... to really get your guys' honest opinion you'll probably have to get all the details. But please take this seriously, I'm afraid this might be my "the one that got away". :hsd:

    First a little background:
    I met this girl my Freshman year of college. I just finished my Junior year this May. Over the course of the first two years me and her became pretty close friends and flirted with each other quite frequently (she would always drop sexual innuendos, watched porn together late one night, would take shots out off her stomach, she would cuddle up with me on the couch if we ended up passing out at the same place we'd party at, etc.) but nothing ever really came out of it those first two years, we just stayed incredibly good friends but it was only a ticking time bomb before we had a sexual eruption. The night before I left campus to head home for the summer after finishing my Sophomore year, we partied and got drunk, I knew she wanted to hook up but she had to leave for a convention at like 2am so we didn't get to where we should have.

    Over the course of that summer (between Sophomore and Junior year). We chatted over the internet (she was working at her home town and I was in Chicago doing an internship) on almost a daily basis, and we really started talking about hooking up. She would share her fantasies with me and kept saying we should hook up. She stated that the last thing she wanted at the time was a relationship but a FWB arrangement would be ideal.

    The first week back on campus after summer break I stop over at her house and the first time I walk in she's sitting on the couch next to this prematurely balding PacSun douche. As soon as she notices me walking into the room she stands up really quick as to not have me notice her sitting next to him. I come to find out that the guy is actually her boyfriend that she picked up at her work over the past summer (wtf, she said she wasn't looking for a relationship?). Turns out her boyfriend lives pretty far away and only comes to town every one or two weeks. Fast forward a week and I'm over at the house she lives at partying & drinking (a couple mutual friends of ours live there also). Well one thing led to another and we end up fucking that night.


    Here comes the good part:
    Over the next weeks the flirting became non-stop, she would text me telling me I looked hot, what she wants to do to me, etc. At this point I find out that he and her boyfriend are in an open relationship. We continue hooking up on a regular basis on the low, and we both started developing feelings toward each other (cuddling afterwards, falling asleep laying on-top of me while I was still inside her, started calling me baby boy during sex, telling me its all for me etc.). A month or two later she switches her Facebook status from "open relationship" to "relationship", and I find out her boyfriend is moving close and will be around more often. She tells me the sex is awesome and wants to continue hooking up even if her boyfriend thinks that their relationship is now exclusive (aka cheating). Since I still had friends at the place where she lives, I would party over there even when her boyfriend was there, and she would pull some crazy stuff like TXTing me naughty stuff while her boyfriend was in the house, and she once pulled me into the bathroom while her boyfriend was smoking upstairs and started making out with me. This type of behavior lasted for a couple of months, as well as continued hookups. We would exchange a lot of TXTs, once when I told her she looked good one day she responded with "what if it was all for you?". A little later is when I told her that I had feelings for her and that I was gonna try to "steal" her. We continued hooking up behind her boyfriends back. Then one time after we had sex the next day she said it it felt weird because her conscience was getting to her about cheating on her boyfriend. He had started to notice that she was sending text messages to someone all the time, and was talking to someone on MSN all the time as well, so he was getting suspicious, and that suspicious was putting a damper on us continuing to hook up but we still did anyways, at least 3-4 more times. Then one night it turns out that her guilt got the better of her and she admitted to her boyfriend about talking to me without him knowing about it and about her trying to conceal talking to me. He responded to which that she needed to never talk to me again. She wasn't ready to let me go so she would put on a show for him by notifying me before calling me -- telling me that we needed to stop being friends-- saying to disregard anything that she said because she obviously was being forced to say it in front of him. After which we hooked up at a buddy's house a few days later. After we had finished having sex, she starts crying and saying that she just wants to go home and literally walks out of my friends house at 5AM drunk as hell back to her car which was parked across the city. :ugh: A couple of days later I get a TXT from her saying that she had dreamed about me on two occasions, again a few days later I end up getting a call from her on a Saturday night where she asks me to pick her up from a VFW which she had walked to from her house. I pick her up and park my car so we can talk, turns out he threatened to leave her that night because his suspicion was getting the better part of him, and she starts crying telling me how shes being torn in two different directions and has just as strong feelings for me as she does for him, after all we had been hooking up for 8 months out of their 10 month-long relationship. She tells me that the only reason she feels obligated to stay with him is because he showed incentive first to be in a relationship with her, and that he had been around her culture more (she's Asian, he and I are White). She tells me that shes afraid of what I would think of her if I got to meet her family/culture/community and that I would think less of her, continued by a trail of other insecurities. I responded by telling her that I would never judge her like that and that I cared about her a lot and that I wanted to be with her, the conversation just kept running in circles with her saying that she couldn't do it anymore because it was tearing her up, and then retracting it and then saying she had no idea what she wanted to do; I ended up dropping her back off at her house after about an hour of that. The next day I run into one of the mutual friends of ours at a restaurant and he spills the beans that her boyfriend had stayed back from a job in LA over the summer to be with her and had been shelling out tons of cash (like ~$2.5k) to her because she had been having trouble finding a job (small town not much work opportunity for part-time jobs).

    A few days later the house where she and our friends live at is hosting a beer pong tournament so I'm over there playing, we're both drinking, and her boyfriend is at the house. I could tell that she was totally ignoring me trying to make sure that her boyfriend didn't think we still had something going on. Well as the beer pong tournament progressed both of us continued to get more and more drunk, and a bunch of people from the house including myself, her and her boyfriend end up walking a couple of blocks to a local bar. I notice that one of my friends (who knew the story from my side) is sitting next to her boyfriend at the bar and apparently was telling him how she wasn't worth his time. I found this comical, so to add insult to injury, I had the bartender give him a shot of Hennessey and mention that it was compliments of me. He took it as that I wanted to talk to him. He waves me down and I end up moving to an empty table with him. He asks me whats going on about the whole situation, to which I told him that his girl had been cheating on him more than he had known, and that she had been telling me to disregard her staged "goodbyes" to me that she had done to ease him. He got teary eyed, slammed the shot that I bought and got up and left, leaving everyone else at the bar, including his girlfriend. 15 minutes or so later I end up smoking a cigarette outside with her and she comes out blacked out drunk, starts hugging and kissing me. We end up leaving the bar and head back to my place where she starts making out with me. I get a call on my cell phone from her cell phone, I let her answer and it's her boyfriend who's wondering where the fuck she is. He tells her that hes going to be there in 5 minutes to pick her up. That pissed me off. He calls 5 minutes later when he is there to pick her up, I don't let her answer, she was too drunk to remember where he told her he was going to pick her up, and we end up sitting on the stairs of my apt. complex together for another 45 minutes talking all the while her clingy boyfriend is calling and TXTing my phone non-stop. She tells me that she feels obligated to stay with him but that she is "still fighting for me". I decide it is best to let her leave for the night so I let her answer a call from her boyfriend (who is still calling 45 minutes later, still waiting outside), and he picks her up.

    The next day I see her in class, she give me a weird look and I end up TXTing her a little later to which she responds "I have nothing to say to you", which lets me know that her boyfriend had obviously given her an ultimatum that she had to cut all contact with me whatsoever if he was to stay with her. I let her know it's whatever but I think she is making a big mistake because I know deep down she wants me (I'm like 10x the guy her boyfriend is and I'm pretty sure that I'm out of her league anyways). I notice she deletes me as a friend off of Facebook, blocks me from MSN (shes always logged in, the suddenly not logged in ever).

    Now here's what's got me going. In my opinion, I believe she is staying with me because of the money he's borrowing her, plus the fact that he went through all the trouble of moving closer to her as well as turning down the job offer. The boyfriend knows he was cheated on but thinks that it was to a lot lesser degree then what really was going on. I am somewhat bitter about losing her to him, but infuriated by the fact that he is forcing her to stop being my friend (I know in my heart it's not what she wants). Does this warrant an ass beating on him? Should I send him naked pictures of his GF that I took in an attempt to get him to leave her, or would that just be cutting my nose off to spite my face as well as being a fucking slimeball? I'm fucking confused as to what I should do because I know that her heart is with me as well, but the type of girl she is her guilt gets the best of her and she would feel extremely guilty throwing away all the effort he put in to be with her.

    FYI, I have money as well, if not more than him so please don't try to say she chose him because he has more money. I also know someone is going to say that I shouldn't care because if she cheated on him she'd cheat on me, but I know that isn't true because shes never cheated before and told me I'm the only guy that she'd ever cheat with.
     
  2. xiphos

    xiphos i r smart

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    Oh yeah, I have to see her on a daily basis because of class which is tearing me apart because she's forced to now pretend that I do not exist.
     
  3. PlutoBHG

    PlutoBHG New Member

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    :rofl: what a slut, you gonna let her have her cake and eat it too?

    EDIT: this is fail, why would you want a relationship with someone like that?
     
  4. xiphos

    xiphos i r smart

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    :sad2: Because I think we're victims of circumstance..
     
  5. Chip Chipperson

    Chip Chipperson New Member

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    Sounds like a classy lady.
     
  6. aim2kill

    aim2kill New Member

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  7. xiphos

    xiphos i r smart

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    :noes:

    It's like a catch-22 :wtc:
     
  8. justkristen

    justkristen New Member

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    I wouldn't touch that beotch with a ten foot pole anymore. Switch classes if you have to, but get away from her. She's having fun with you, that's it. If she could do that to her boyfriend now, she'd do it to you in a heartbeat if you would end up in a relationship with her. Not right away, but it would happen eventually. Why would you even want to be with a liar and a cheater anyways? Move on, it's done.
     
  9. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    :rofl: You both got played. You are blinded by easy pussy and drama, but the truth of the matter is you got played. She got to have two guys, both knowing about the other, both stupid enough to keep trying.

    Have some self respect and move on.
     
  10. BobG

    BobG Fuchs.

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    :werd:

    I couldn't have said it any better. She's a little whore. Move on.
     
  11. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    I would believe that if she actually LEFT her boyfriend.

    I was dating a guy who gave me the world.. Nice place to live, bought the furniture I wanted, bought me a laptop.. EVERYTHING, but it just wasn't working out so we broke up. And yea, before we broke up I had started a flirtatious friends with benefits possibility with some other guy but as soon as things started progressing I had to make a choice. And NO, I didn't start dating the FWB right away.. It took MONTHS for me to actually date him. But I completely changed my life because being a cheating whore wasn't the label I wanted.

    She is stringing BOTH of you along for separate reasons and honestly, you deserve better.
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    .

    /thread
     
  13. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I just stopped reading a little less than halfway through.

    You cannot successfully be with someone you have feelings for without commitment. I'm not gonna say she's a slut or a whore, but it's SUPER OBVIOUS that she isn't going to commit. She's just using you and her bf.

    Read a teeny bit more. She wanted to make up a whole story for her bf about losing you as a friend...ugh, way too much fucking drama.

    Get the heck out of this.

    Jesus Christ, I finished reading your post. SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU! You KNOW deep down she wants you? Bullshit. She's a manipulator and a player, and most likely LOVES the drama.

    She's playing both of you. And besides...even if she did want you, you know she is fine with cheating and lying to a bf....how do you know she would be any different with you?

    Seriously, forget her, and never look back.
     
  14. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    if she is the one that got away, THANK GOD she did!

    she was using you both and doesnt respect either of you. you should know that you deserve much better than a girl who is going to treat you like that.
     
  15. PlutoBHG

    PlutoBHG New Member

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    ill say it for you

    shes a manipulative, cockstarving, greedy WHORE and you let her have everything she wanted in exchange for some ass...you seriously think that drama is worth the ass? either she is AMAZING or you are stupid for falling victim to that game...
     
  16. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    Do you think you two will have a meaningful relationship even if she chose you now? It was a mess in the beginning and now even a bigger mess. You already built up some resentment toward her. She is having sex with two guys at the same time on a constant basis, do you think you will trust her if you two are in a relationship? You are looking at it like she is the victim but the truth is her bf is the victim. She is in control of this situation and played it so well. Have some respect for your fellow man and walk away.
     
  17. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    she sounds charming

    gotta love the drama..

    i like the "what if it were all for you?" line she kept repeating. was it an offer? a pretend-offer? a tease? or just an ego boost? amazing.

    seriously, this girl sounds awesome. i love that she is so good at manipulating people, it's something i've always found really cute in a girl when she tries to make chess pieces out of the people in her life.

    you could learn a lot from her.

    i think that in terms of your own game, telling her you were going to steal her from her bf was a mistake. always side with the boyfriend. just be better.

    telling her you were going to steal her from him validated her feminine power, but did nothing towards getting her boyfriend out of the picture.

    in your position i probably wouldn't have been trying to get the boyfriend out of the picture anyway. let her deal with the sexual tension of wanting you over him. you should have just known she'd come back to you for sex and just let the situation be until it exploded on the other end.
     
  18. sapient

    sapient New Member

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    Hahahahaha, you think she's going to only cheat on that guy, and not you? She's not worth your time or the drama/heartbreak she'll bring. Do you really want to be in her boyfriend's situation: crying while taking a shot from the man who's fucking your girl?
     
  19. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl:

    well summarized. yeah, that guy was so, so horribly fucked over.
     
  20. T-R-T

    T-R-T New Member

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    All three of you are fucking losers.
     
  21. 1.8t

    1.8t Member

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    This has FAIL written all over it. Next please...
     
  22. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    why dont you write a long drawn out story about it..


    oh wait
     
  23. XxvODvxX

    XxvODvxX New Member

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    You already started to play the game with her as most of the people have stated above. I feel to keep her as an F-toy and let it be like that. If you know your so much better than her BF than you should have no problem sitting back and letting her come to you. But when she does i would suggest using her for what she is worth and not as a GF.

    But if you already have something else lined up...maybe you could play the same game with her to show her how it feels...

    I don't like games though so i would probably stick with my first idea... She is nothing to sweat over if she causes this drama...
     
  24. xiphos

    xiphos i r smart

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    So do I send the naked pictures to her boyfriend or not?
     
  25. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    The consequences of showing him naked pictures:

    - hurt the guy
    - hurt the girl
    - lose the girl

    You probably want the first consequence, but, probably not the second and third.
     

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