SRS Friend suddenly turned on me, WTF.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by SeeVinceRun, Apr 14, 2006.

  1. SeeVinceRun

    SeeVinceRun Currently In Prison OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    1,124
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kansas City, MO
    This may get a bit long, so I apologize in advance.

    Our group of friends is very close. We are all about 23 and have been friends since 6th grade. There havent been any real fall-outs or anything, and we are all under the general agreement that friendship is all we really have in this world. That being said, one of my friends suddenly changed his demeanor.

    I dated a girl (Girl A) for a bit, nothing serious but there was definate potential. It didnt work out due to some personal problems on her part, and some on mine. We are still friends, and recently started talking in a romantic light again.

    Another girl Ive been dating (girl B) is less serious, and was more of a spring fling type of thing. We get along great, but the potential for a serious relationship isnt really there.

    Now here comes the messed up part. One of my friends has been saying less than desirable things about me. He's called me a "man whore" (yea, i know, its goofy:rolleyes: ) and that im "only after one thing". Basically saying that im not a good canadate for any sort of relationship and that, in general, he would classify me as a bad person. He has said this to both females. He even called one up late one night to say this, without provacation.

    WTF. I told the rest of the group about this (the girls both came to me asking about why he said such things) and they were stumped. Ive ALWAYS got along with him. He and I are both smart, we both have the same sense of humor, and there has never been any bad blood there. However, when confronted about it by my buddy Danny, he stuck to his claim that he just didnt think of me as that great of a person. He tried to make it seem noble, like he was protecting these girls from me. No one bought it.

    Im at a loss here. Even if he doesnt agree with the girls ive been with or how I act he should have come to ME first with his problems. Not only that, but regardless of what I do with my relationships, its none of his damn business anyway!

    How do I deal with this? He is a part of our group and no one wants to lose a friend over this, me included. I just thought we were all past the "pros and cons" part of the friendship a long time ago. I see thier faults as another funny aspect to thier personality. I guess he doesnt...

    Thoughts?
     
  2. MudFlap

    MudFlap Guest

    Seems like his antural instinct of eliminating the competition took over. Time should heal the wounds. If I was you I wouldnt make a big case out of this and just do whatever u did before.
     
  3. SeeVinceRun

    SeeVinceRun Currently In Prison OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    1,124
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kansas City, MO
    I should also mention he is engaged and getting married in around a month. I dont think it was a competitive action on his part.
     
  4. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2006
    Messages:
    1,216
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    North Miami Beach, FL
    I agree, I think he's feeling a little inferior to you. Like you're taking all the girls and there's nothing for him. I think a lil jealousy's taking over and in order to make you equal to him, he tries to pin a bad image on you. Just let him cool down and get over it.
     
  5. SeeVinceRun

    SeeVinceRun Currently In Prison OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    1,124
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kansas City, MO
    Again...I have to say I dont think thats it. There were no warning signs in the past, he has a great relationship with his fiancee and he has a good job. Im in school still, and single. I dont think he's jealous of anything I have. *shrugs*
     
  6. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2002
    Messages:
    1,941
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Iron City
    Your friend finds you to be a womanizer and that evidently doesn't fit with the community. You should get together with him and talk about this issue.
     
  7. MudFlap

    MudFlap Guest

    Hmm I would think that this friend already showed his maturity, any confrontation would just make him go on the defense... but I could be wrong
     
  8. SeeVinceRun

    SeeVinceRun Currently In Prison OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    1,124
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kansas City, MO
    This may be true. I think he views my actions as wrong or sinful. Not that im mean or disrespectful to women, but just the fact that, under the circumstances, I have been with more women than the rest of the group. This is NOT to say ive been with a lot of women. Just more than my friends.

    I have to talk to him, but I dont know how I should handle this. I know I should probably be upset, but I dont want to yell or get in his face. Thats not going to truly solve anything.

    When I talk to him, what should I say?
     
  9. affende

    affende Resident 4X4 Elitest Prick

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2005
    Messages:
    6,948
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    in your balloon knot
    jealous of your feedom, it seems
     
  10. familyguy101

    familyguy101 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2004
    Messages:
    734
    Likes Received:
    0
    sounds like you guys have a very formal friendship. I'm surprise because i've never had a friend that I always had to be formal with...only like my boss or teachers and stuff.
     
  11. SeeVinceRun

    SeeVinceRun Currently In Prison OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    1,124
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kansas City, MO
    I type very formally, but I speak with my friends like anyone would with thier friends. You are confusing the two.
     
  12. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2005
    Messages:
    790
    Likes Received:
    0
    Just talk with him. I find that behaviour pretty disturbing too if you've known him so long.

    My two best friends I've known since elementary school too... while there have been times in the past we each didn't necessarily see eye to eye, a good chat always seems to resolve the issue. (Maybe even in our younger days we'd wrestle a bit, scream at each other for a few minutes -- then it's done)

    If you're as tight with this group as you say you are, then just openly discuss what's going on and get this problem behind you.
     
  13. SeeVinceRun

    SeeVinceRun Currently In Prison OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    1,124
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kansas City, MO
    I discussed it with him today. He basically said that it wasnt meant to be malicious toward me. He said he did it becuase he was afraid a messy situation would arise if the girls liked me more than I like them. Kinda weird, yeah, and kinda bullshit. I told him that I dont care what he meant to do, I just care that he views me with the same respect with which I view him and he doesnt honestly view me as a bad person.

    It was a good conversation, He apologized and admitted he should have come to me first. He also admitted that it wasnt his business, and that the only reason he said anything was becuase he didnt think it was going to cause a stink and he had been drinking.

    Basically, it was a big ordeal that got resolved by level heads and honest tongues. Im glad I didnt lose a friend over such petty things.
     
  14. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2002
    Messages:
    1,941
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Iron City
    notstock93, you made a good point about not blowing up on him. Let him put foward his view of things and then tell him that you want the same courtesy that you gave him. Don't comment too fast. Tell him that you will think over what was said. At this point discuss it with him through e-mail.
     
  15. Mars Princess

    Mars Princess They hatin'

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2001
    Messages:
    73,475
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Houston, Texas
    I'm glad to see that everything was resolved. Your friend had concerns for you but there is just something suspect about him saying bad things about you without getting your side of things. On the same token, really assess your situation to see wHY your friend might have had his concerns ;)
     
  16. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    That person is not a friend. In fact, he is not even a good person IMO. You are right, he is trying to act all noble and he's not. He is undermining his "friend" in order to make himself look better.
     
  17. SeeVinceRun

    SeeVinceRun Currently In Prison OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    1,124
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Kansas City, MO
    Are you implying I may be blind to my own whorish ways? :squint:
     
  18. XPX

    XPX New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2002
    Messages:
    12,074
    Likes Received:
    0
    he is just jealous...:hs:
     
  19. dr_jerkvorkian

    dr_jerkvorkian New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2006
    Messages:
    153
    Likes Received:
    0
    that's bullshit! any guy that goes behind a "friend"s back and badmouths him to anyone is just a jealous asshole in my book. he obviously had an ulterior motive too, since he said he was trying to help you avoid a messy situation. by what, ruining both possibilities for you? nah, that's horse crap. drop him, or kick his ass, seriously he's asking for it.
     
  20. dr_jerkvorkian

    dr_jerkvorkian New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2006
    Messages:
    153
    Likes Received:
    0
    just be careful, i personally have friends that still harbor dislike for me for things that i've done years ago. you just gotta balance that out and be careful what you disclose to anyone-- i don't even tell my friends about the women i'm seeing just to avoid situations like that. some guys just like to turn everything into a game, don't let it happen to you
     
  21. zero xeal

    zero xeal Guest

    my thoguht exactly
     

Share This Page