"Friend" Situation

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Arkaybee, Aug 31, 2008.

  1. Arkaybee

    Arkaybee New Member

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    I need to call on the powers of OT

    So here is the story: I have been friends with this girl (Jessica) since HS. She was my best friends girlfriend but they broke up about a year after HS. She never talked to me much because she didn't want to interfere with my friendship with her exboyfriend. Well, we stopped being friends and then about a year later me and Jessica started talking on a regular basis, hanging out etc etc.

    Life goes on as normal, she gets another boyfriend and I do life as normal but we still talk/hang out everyonce in a while. This was a couple years ago.

    FF to now. We have become closer friends and go to eachother for life advice. We even flirt alittle bit but its really nothing serious... ex: she will be over at my place watching TV or just talking with a bunch of friends and will say that she has to start heading home and I will tell her that my bed is big enough for two :naughty: to which she would say something like, "nah, cause we will be up all night and then both be tired at work tomorrow" haha we all laugh about it and she leaves. I've always been curious what a relationship between us would be like but I know deep down that it would never work out so I don't push it anywhere. Light, casual flirting is as far as I've taken it.

    Well about a week ago she tells me that she wants to break up with her BF (they have been having serious problems but she is afraid to cut the cord). I tell her that she should do what she feels best and helped her weigh the pro's and con's and tell her how I fell about it all. A couple days later she is over at my place playing COD4 with a bunch of friends and sitting right up against me on the couch, rubbing arms, legs, etc. I notice this but don't really move over any (not that I could because the couch was full and I was practically right up against my buddy as it was). When she goes to leave she asks for a hug from me (not something that she often does. I think she asked for one once).

    This weekend she asked what my plans were for that night and I said that was going to just watch a movie after getting some food from the store. I said she can come over if she wants. She texts me to pick up some orange juice and she will bring the vodka and then right after that she says "nevermind I forgot I will have to drive home" and I reply saying that she can just crash at my place if she wants. The conversation goes as follows (remember, up til this point she has been really cool but then says...):

    "Careful, I have a boyfriend remember?"
    "Oh...right." (now I'm confused...)
    "Sorry to burst your bubble"
    Ten mins later she says: "Maybe I should just stay home tonight"
    "Yeah, you do that."
    "Whats that supposed to mean?"
    no reply from me...
    Her: "Look, I don't want anything to happen between us that isn't supposed to happen. Sitting next to you a few nights ago and getting a hug felt too good. I don't want to screw up our friendship"
    Her: "I'm sorry I'm being like this, I don't understand how I feel about Greg (her BF) and I don't want to do anything I will regret. I like you and I really like spending time with you"
    Me: "I'm just confused I guess"
    Her: "I'm confused as well and bla bla bla (she goes on to repeat what she just told me but using different words).

    So I haven't talked to her since last friday (when all this happened). She has texted me a couple times asking how work is going and what my weekend plans are but I am brief in my responses. I guess I don't understand why she would completely pull the "I have a BF" card when she has been fun to talk to in the past. And now I don't really feel comfortable talking to her because I don't want her to feel like I am an influence on her decision.


    Halp.
     
  2. Timer

    Timer Guest

    cliffs?
     
  3. Arkaybee

    Arkaybee New Member

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    :squint: cliffs are for OFFtopic. Either read the story or :gtfo:

    There are too many details for cliffs
     
  4. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Sounds like at least when she is with you, she is willing to let things happen if YOU escalate it. The whole "careful, I have a bf" is her way of being a good girl, but still leaving you an opening to heat things up if you wanted.

    She probably WANTS you to escalate things, so she can dump her bf for you. But, if you don't do anything, she will stay with her bf.

    If it were me, I wouldn't do anything. If she's only using you as something better, you don't deserve to be treated like that. If she wants to be with you, she should dump her bf, then pursue you.

    It's the monkey/tree branch thing. She's not willing to let go of what she has now until she is sure she has something to go to.
     
  5. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    I think she was reminding herself more than anything. Put a lil distance between yourself and her and watch as she starts to see all the flaws in her relationship under a magnifying glass.
     
  6. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    insist that she breaks up with her bf before you'll do anything with her.
     
  7. Hartman

    Hartman New Member

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    run far away unless you really like this girl and are willing to put up with some DRAMA
     
  8. fray

    fray New Member

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    I certainly wouldn't do anything with her while she's got a boyfriend. But if you really aren't into her and don't think you would date her, why don't you tell her that so she'll chill and you guys can just go back to normal?
     
  9. forgotmyname

    forgotmyname Active Member

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    Really? It sounds to me like she is being a bitch and playing with him.
     
  10. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    eh, either way, it's not a good idea for him to go for it.
     
  11. repda916

    repda916 New Member

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    she has a boyfriend now, and you know how she acts when she is not with him. all on you.
    now what if you where her boyfriend what says she wont do the same .
     
  12. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    i don't see how she was being a bitch. sounds like she may have done the innocent "lol im flirting with you but its obvious jk" thing with the (mis)understanding that you knew what was going on, then it became obvious to her that you didn't so she wanted to clarify.

    it's your move from here.
     
  13. topcat

    topcat OT Supporter

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    buy this man a cigar.....100% correct.
     
  14. Arkaybee

    Arkaybee New Member

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    I haven't spoken with her about this since that text convo. I was helping a friend work on his car today and she texted me asking what I was doing. I didn't reply cause I was covered in engine grease. Then I get a call from my buddy who was talking to her about this whole situation and she was telling him that she is scared that she has pushed me away. She said (while texting me) that if I want company tonight to give her a call. I didn't reply to that.

    About 20 percent of me wants to tell her that it's ok and that we can be firends again while 80 percent wants to tell her that I don't need/want drama in my life right now so she can figure herself out on her own terms and don't bother me with it anymore. That LAST thing I want right now is drama.

    I've taken the advice saying that I should just really turn down how much I talk to her. I guess I am just waiting for her decide what she wants in life before I talk to her on any deep level.
     
  15. fray

    fray New Member

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    I'm still confused. Do you on some level want to date her? Because initially it sounded like you really didn't want to and didn't think it would work. So, why haven't you just told her this?
     
  16. Arkaybee

    Arkaybee New Member

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    No I don't want a realtionship with her. I have been curious as to how it would work out between us but I know it would = epic fail. I guess I don't really want to even talk to her until she figures out what she wants. She gives great advice but doesn't take advice to save her life so its annoying to talk to her because she wants me to ride the pity train with her to Whoa Is Meville.

    And I haven't told her anything because I don't want to feel like she is making a decision based on how we "feel" about eachother.
     
  17. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    sounds to me like she has high interest in you
     
  18. victimizati0n

    victimizati0n New Member

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    this is good

    keep it that way, and never think about that, or what could have been, etc
     
  19. wilyfem

    wilyfem Guest

    Screwing a friend will ruin the friendship :nono:

    I had a guy friend for years who I always flirted with and who flirted back. Well one lonely night that flirting led straight to the bedroom (sluts! :mamoru:) and after two nights of that nonsense, we are no longer in contact :hsugh:
     
  20. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    A straight man and straight women can never be "just friends", sex will always come between them.
     
  21. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    "Careful, I have a boyfriend remember?"

    You could have looked at it a couple of ways. She may have said that because she felt there was an expectation for sex. Either she doesn't want anything to happen or she does but doesn't want to feel guilty about going over with the expectation of sex. It's usually the latter. If you had played it cool and platonic she may have given in. But you basically drove her away before she even got to your place. If sex is what you wanted, let her reject you to your face, not through email/text because it's really easy to turn a girl off that way. Always tell her what you think she wants to hear. I made a similar mistake last night and now I'm trying to ease the damage.

    And of course if you really wanted to give her a sort of ultimatum so that she doesn't waste your time by playing games, you could've said something like "You still have a boyfriend? Well forget it then." That gives you a lot of power. Her words made her feel superior and too good for you. Countering with this will make her feel that having a bf makes her worse off, insecure and will want to prove her worth to you.
     
  22. Arkaybee

    Arkaybee New Member

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    :bowdown:


    I kind of gave her this today. She has been talking to me every once in a while the last few days just asking how things are and how life has been. I am pretty short in my replies. She asked once if I just don't want to talk to her anymore and I said that I didn't think I had a whole lot to say to her.

    I just got a couple texts from her while at work right now. She asked how thigns are going and I said that I am just working a lot as usuall. She asked if that means that we aren't going to hang out. I said, "Look, I don't want to be an influence in your decision with your boyfriend. You need to make a decision on that situation. I don't think we should hang out until then."
    Her: Don't you think thats up to me to decide?
    Me: I feel like I am influencing your decision. Thats not a place I want to be. I want you to make a decision based on how you feel and I don't want to get pulled into it.
    Her: Thanks for explaining.


    I really don't want to pulled into drama world right now. I want to work, go home, relax, and sleep.
     
  23. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    So what do you want then? You sound like you are more confused than she is. Are you just hoping to fuck her or casually date her or what? If you want to keep her as a friend and don't want a relationship then don't do anything with her. There are plenty of other girls in the world that you can sleep with or date. Why ruin a friendship for something that you know will be "epic fail" anyway?
     
  24. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I meant in a more playful manner . That's kinda harsh. :o
     
  25. Loincloth

    Loincloth New Member

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    Kirk stop being a baby.

    Man up.....
    Get some moose tranq.
    Invite her over.
    Tranq it up.
    ???????? (Tranq'd girls can't say no)
    Profit.

    You're welcome. See you tomorrow at work and I want updates and successful reports.
     
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2008

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