SRS Friend Situation Going Sour....

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by ldaggerl, Nov 30, 2009.

  1. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    Or maybe its already pretty sour. This story is going to be a bit but I'll add cliffs to the end.

    So started out 11 years ago I met my best friend. We've been friends for a LONG time as you can tell. Oh yeah I'm 22 so its been quite the journey. We would hang out none stop all the time and still do. Well he started to get into drugs quite heavily. Just pot for that time but he's done other stuff. But pot he smokes all the time. I do it on the weekends and days off you know. So I guess some might think me a pot head. Well when he first started to smoke he wouldn't want to do anything, it really started to affect my friendship with him and other friends. It wasn't just me. I mean I don't care if he smoked because even then I smoked with him. But the way it made him not want to do anything BUT SMOKE. So we had a falling out, he wouldn't contact me and I wouldn't contact him. I wanted to do other things and he wanted to do just that. Well then I started to hang out with 2 other people all the time. For probably a good year we were always together. Well I got back together with my old friend again and he was still smoking but back to the way he was, funny as hell a good person to hang out and we were buds again. Well I stopped hanging out with my other friends because all they ever wanted to do was drink and I don't like to do drink, I don't like beer and vodka is the only other thing I'll drink and even that isn't all that good. Well now they are pissed off at me because I don't hang out anymore. They will call me and I'm already hanging out with the 1st friend, they don't make plans just call me and expect me to hang out that night. Well one of them just got really pissed and pretty much told me I'm being a dick and such. They say its because we smoke pot but I mean its not an issue, I'd love to hang out with them if they weren't dicks about it. I mean its like a huge thing that I smoke. I'm a bad person or something because I do and now its all my old friends fault for the whole thing pretty much. I mean what do I do? I've kind of ignored it up until now because I personally think they aren't being fair and want it their way and couldn't care what I want. So I'm basically in the mind set that well fuck them I'm doing as I please and don't give 2 shits. But as they are friends I do care.

    Cliffs: 11 year friend had a falling out years ago, got back together and are friends. We smoke, other friends do not. They are pissed I don't hang out but pretty much require I don't smoke at all...ever. Not my plan and looking for advice for friends that are pissed off.
     
  2. chickenfeather

    chickenfeather New Member

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    Do you really need to smoke that badly? Why can't you be like, "oh my friends called me to go out, you want to come with?" and when he says no, just go. You smoked with him and you invited him to go so it's not like you're ditching your smoking friend for your non-smoking friends. Meh, it's up to you I guess, but I'd think that's a bad reason to give up friendship.
     
  3. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    So...it sounds like you have friend(s) who either want to smoke, or want to drink.

    Find some other friends, mix it up. Maybe one weekend hang out with your smoker friend, another weekend hang out with your drinker friends, and another weekend, go bowling with new friends or something.

    There's a lot more stuff to do besides smoke or drink.
     
  4. Japan Four

    Japan Four Guest

    seems like both friendships are based on some form of drug abuse. the best advice i would have is to either find friends that are friends with YOU and not your habits. Im not saying drugs are good or bad, and Im not saying that I dont do them myself, but i know one thing, my friends are my friends, no matter what drug I do, or dont do.
     
  5. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    Its not that I don't want to hang out with them. And my old friend would love to come hang out but I mean they don't want me to do it before hand, after hand they just don't care and don't want me to do it. But they have no problem calling me up to hang out and get trashed, even though they know I don't like to drink that much. And I'd be fine if they want to drink and I'll smoke. But they don't care at all. They mostly want a DD when they drink and I know it. I enjoy smoking, no if ands or buts about it and I don't like drinking. So its pretty much they want it there way and I want it my way. I'd be fine if they wanted to compromise but they won't. Not even a little.

    My smoking friend has no problem with not smoking or coming with me. Its not like that at all. I just don't like the fact that its either I don't smoke with them but they can drink all they want and I just have to deal or I hang out with my friend who smokes and not them. I have many other friends BTW, actually most of my friends smoke. Some of them only a bit here and there and then others who do it all the time.
     
  6. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    Have you called your drinking friends out on their hypocrisy? Alcohol's a drug, too.
     
  7. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    No I don't need to, but I've told them before and they know I don't like drinking but push me to come drink even so. Now a little more back ground info would be that these 2 friends have slowly started to be more and more disrespectful. They talk shit behind my back, constantly. How do I know? Well they do it in front of my brother, who in turn tells me. He's my brother and couldn't care less. I love my brother, he is younger and always sticks by me even if I'm wrong. Its a great thing. Anyways they talk shit and put me down, but when I've called them out on it they both say they don't know what I'm talking about and if they said anything it would be a fact not some shit like that. So not sure if I want to put in the effort to really be friends if I can't just do my own thing without them becoming pissed off and talking constant shit about me.
     
  8. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Sounds like you'd be better off making some new friends, then. Don't let your time with your stoner friend prevent you from doing that. Not saying you shouldn't spend time with him, but go widen your circle of friends a bit.
     
  9. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    Ah friends, I have many upon many of friends. I'm just talking about close friends. But I kind of agree that maybe its time I just do what I do and stop letting other people drag me down.
     
  10. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    If you are so addicted to pot that you cannot not do it when you're going out with a group of friends, then you need to take a strong look at your life.
     
  11. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    If you go out with a friend who drinks and ask them not to drink when you're out with them, if they're able to say 'ok sure', then they aren't hypocritical if they ask you not to smoke around them.

    If they can't, then yes they are, but you both need help
     
  12. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    I think we're reading things differently. I'm seeing it as his drinking friends are shitting on him for smoking and not being sensitive to the fact that he's not into drinking. Him and his smoking buddy can smoke or not, but a prerequisite for these drinking friends is no smoke. Since they're always drinking, I'd call that hypocritical. I'm not seeing anywhere that he always wants to smoke up before or while going out.
     
  13. StrongAlcoholic

    StrongAlcoholic New Member

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    I'm a bit of a heavy drinker, and my best friend happens to smoke a lot. Still great friends. Explain to them that if they want to get trashed, then you're going to get high, and then you all get to have inebriated fun together. It's not that hard. Just about every party I throw has a couple of cases of beer (Bought by me, and if there's another drinker him or her) and a bit of the good ole legal weed. Let your drinker friends know that you can mix the two.


    I just don't recommend smoking pot and drinking.... Last time I did that I was trying to claw my way out of a house because I thought it was a portal into hell...

    Anyway, that's how I think you could make it work. If your drinker friends have any sense at all, as it seems your smoker friend is not the issue. Also, if all they want is a DD, don't be friends with them. If that's the case, then they're using you, and are assholes.
     
  14. StrongAlcoholic

    StrongAlcoholic New Member

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    You... The mind altering chemicals in marijuana and alcoholic drinks are what brought civilization together. The first farmers weren't growing wheat. They were growing hops. It's a social thing, and at one point in our history was necessary.
     
  15. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    And? What's your point?

    I said that if you are unable to not do it you have a problem. Do you disagree?
     
  16. StrongAlcoholic

    StrongAlcoholic New Member

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    You didn't say that. you said
    When you don't know whether or not they can not do it. OP obviously has smoking under control. His drinking friends do not.
     
  17. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    I said 'If they can't, then yes, they are (being hypocrites), but you both need help'

    As in, neither him nor his friend is able to go out and not get high/drunk, therefore, they need help.
     
  18. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    New friends. Meet girls. Positively encourage your old chum to go out and do stuff. Bring back other people, girls, etc. Talk to people in class. Extrovert.
     
  19. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    This is how it is. They had no problem asking me out to the bars and asking me to throw parties (I use to throw them a lot and drink a bit but got tired of waking up feeling like shit and having to clean the house because no one would help) but they don't want me to smoke but they want to drink. Its pretty annoying. But I've tried to talk with both of the friends lately and both are blowing me off so oh well. In my mind its both of their faults, they talked shit behind my back, made constant fun of me for no reason (they would almost gang up on me just to make fun of me), told me what I can and cannot do around them. Well I'm at the point of fuck it. So I'm going to do my thing and if they come around they know where I am and can contact me. Its a little funny because one of my friends was getting pretty annouyed with the other friend about shit he was doing to me and then started to do to him. Oh well, guess you know who your true friends are.
     

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