Friend is thinking about marriage at 19

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ww_Crimson, Jan 23, 2008.

  1. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    I don't really have time to post a full background story right now, but I'll do the best I can.

    Friend liked this girl, she liked him, they never did anything. I hooked up with her at a party, next week they're dating. It's been 5-6 months now and she's wanting him to marry her. She doesn't have legal citizenship in the U.S and I'm 100% convinced that this is the reason she wants to get married. Here is the current AIM conversation I'm having with my friend.


    I removed some #'s from our AIM names to keep confidentiality



    Ryan77 (10:01:14 PM): hey
    Cecil28 (10:01:21 PM): sup
    Ryan77 (10:01:4 PM): fucking Leslie just pissed me off so bad
    Cecil28 (10:01:4 PM): lol
    Cecil28 (10:01:1 PM): what she'd do
    Ryan77 (10:01:1 PM): she brought up marriage again..
    Cecil28 (10:02:07 PM): I don't know how to be more blunt about it man -- she isn't going to stop until you two are married.
    Cecil28 (10:02:17 PM): her entire life revolves around her being a legal citizen
    Ryan77 (10:02:9 PM): and I said I would think about it but I asked her if she wold respect that I wanted to wait until we are finished with school
    Ryan77 (10:02:49 PM): and she said she couldnt wait so I just hung up and im not answering her phone calls
    Cecil28 (10:0:28 PM): If she really respected your decision she wouldn't bring it up every 10 days
    Cecil28 (10:0: PM): and she wouldn't be getting her dad involved in it either.
    Ryan77 (10:0:44 PM): her dad makes himself involved
    Ryan77 (10:0:1 PM): but she said "I love you too much to wait any longer"
    Ryan77 (10:0:9 PM): but I said if you love me then you will wait till I am ready
    Ryan77 (10:04:1 PM): just doesn't make sense to me.. I feel like I am being pressured
    Cecil28 (10:04:2 PM): I've been telling you that for a month
    Cecil28 (10:04:4 PM): I don't know anyone who has gotten married after knowing someone for a year and had it last.
    Ryan77 (10:04:9 PM): but then every time I am with her I know she is the girl I want to marry
    Ryan77 (10:04: PM): we have everything in common and we are in love
    Cecil28 (10:0:1 PM): I dunno man, I felt that way about Crystal at first but after seven months or so I got tired of it
    Cecil28 (10:0:24 PM): You've only been dating Leslie like months and already broke up once
    Ryan77 (10:0:6 PM): yea thats why its scary
    Ryan77 (10:0:48 PM): but I was never really in love with her before I just loved her
    Cecil28 (10:0:48 PM): I could be wrong, but I think you are so certain about marrying her just because you don't want to lose her right now
    Ryan77 (10:0: PM): this time I really am in love with her
    Ryan77 (10:06:09 PM): yeah that could be why
    Ryan77 (10:06:1 PM): im not really sure
    Cecil28 (10:06:4 PM): You have to really ask yourself, why is she so concerned with marriage if she loves you
    Cecil28 (10:06:4 PM): if you two really are in love you could wait until you're both ready to take such a huge step
    Cecil28 (10:06: PM): I'm tired of being nice about it -- it's because of her citizenship.
    Cecil28 (10:07:09 PM): She is afraid it will impact her school / getting a job / taxes / everything
    Ryan77 (10:07:10 PM): well her parents are pushing for her to get married.. other then that I dont know she just says because she cant wait any longer and she loves me so much and wants to sleep together
    Cecil28 (10:07:8 PM): sleeping with someone is just a comfort thing, I slept with Jade for a night, doesn't mean I loved her. .it's just really nice to have someone to put your arms around
    Cecil28 (10:07:4 PM): Do your parents know about her citizenship?
    Ryan77 (10:07:0 PM): yes
    Ryan77 (10:07:8 PM): but I have never told them I thought about marrying her
    Ryan77 (10:08:42 PM): I asked her about that and she said she could of just married anyone if that was the case..
    Cecil28 (10:08:47 PM): That's bullshit
    Cecil28 (10:09:09 PM): I don't know a single guy who is ready to get married at 19
    Cecil28 (10:09:1 PM): and she knows that's the case
    Cecil28 (10:09:28 PM): marriage is such a huge deal
    Cecil28 (10:09:8 PM): it's expensive, and it's as close to "permanent" as you can get
    Cecil28 (10:10:00 PM): and if it ends, it's expensive again
    Ryan77 (10:10:16 PM): [22:0] Leslie: ok. I get it you hate me now. Well, I still love you and I'm not gonna be able to sleep knowing I made you upset. I love you. I'm gonna lay down and hope you text me.
    Ryan77 (10:10:28 PM): heh
    Ryan77 (10:10: PM): god damn my head is hurting so bad now
    Cecil28 (10:10: PM): bro, I know I'm not a relationship expert, but I see nothing but bad stuff here.
    Cecil28 (10:10:40 PM): All she's doing is trying to guilt trip you now.
    Cecil28 (10:10:0 PM): Make you feel bad for telling her how you really feel
    Ryan77 (10:10: PM): I know man.. im scared
    Cecil28 (10:10:7 PM): anyone who actually loved you wouldn't make you feel like shit for telling them the truth
    Cecil28 (10:11:1 PM): What do you have to gain from marriage at this point?
    Cecil28 (10:11:24 PM): You have nothing to gain and everything to lose. It's 100% the opposite for her.
    Cecil28 (10:12:02 PM): I really do like Leslie as a person, but it seems like all her bad traits come out in a relationship
    Cecil28 (10:12:09 PM): she's very manipulative, and you've seen that in the past with how she used Karolina
    Cecil28 (10:12:1 PM): and that's why she has so few female friends.
    Ryan77 (10:12:28 PM): I trust her for the most part and she has told me numerous times she doesnt want to marry to fix her citizenship
    Cecil28 (10:12:9 PM): What she tells you and what is true aren't always the same.
    Cecil28 (10:12:4 PM): Ask her why she can't wait then
    Cecil28 (10:12: PM): because I can't think of any reason in the world why someone would want to get married months after knowing someone.
    Ryan77 (10:12:8 PM): I did she said because she loves me too much to wait
    Cecil28 (10:1:0 PM): that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard man
    Cecil28 (10:1:27 PM): I'm not gonna sugar coat any of this any more cause I care about you way too much as a friend to see something bad happen.
    Cecil28 (10:1:40 PM): We never talk/hang out much anymore, so when we do, you can expect me to be 100% honest about shit.
    Ryan77 (10:1: PM): I know thats why im talking to you about it.. I trust you more then anyone
    Cecil28 (10:14:04 PM): I just can't think of 1 reason why she "can't wait"
    Ryan77 (10:14:07 PM): I need someone to talk to me bout this
    Cecil28 (10:14:29 PM): loving someone too much to wait makes no sense.. if you had been dating like or 4 years and she was scared she was wasting her time, I would understand
    Cecil28 (10:14:40 PM): but she's 19 years old and you've been dating -6 months, so she definitely can wait
     
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2008
  2. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    I didn't even read the convo... Just your background post.

    Your friends is an idiot if he even considers this... Everything is wrong here.

    Not only is he too young, but she is likely in it for citizenship, they have been dating half a year, and both are still in school.
    Your friends needs to man-up and sit down with his g/f and say that he doesn't want to get married, and he's sick of her bringing it up... and she needs to stop or she can take a hike.

    Edit* I'd also like to add that even if your friend does convince her to stop talking about marriage, often these types of girls begin looking for another suitable husband while still having a b/f. My point is, often these situations end up with the dude being cheated on.

    I don't know how strongly he feels about her, but I would say that all the signs are there to end it or at the very least tell her to STFU and keep a weary eye open.
     
  3. AzGuy79

    AzGuy79 OT Supporter

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    this might come off as mean, but i think its suitable for the situation. your friend needs to grow a pair and put his foot down with this girl. he is 19 and they have been dating for 6 months, i would venture to say that he doesn't even know what "love" really is. this sounds like she has an ulterior motive for marriage, and that is citizenship. there is no other reason for her to be so adamant about it. your friend will do nothing but ruin his life if he marries that girl.
     
  4. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    She obviously just wants citizenship. I don't know...
     
  5. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    Shit man I told him the exact same thing.. I didn't realize how long the conversation was until I posted it.. Who the hell wants to get married at 19? He told her he wants to wait until he's done with school and she says "I love you too much to wait".. I've never heard such an asinine statement in my life.
     
  6. f-g

    f-g OT Supporter

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    100% bullshit
     
  7. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    ibthebfizadoctortobe
     
  8. bs2100

    bs2100 New Member

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    I read it all, but sometimes I tend to skim, so tell me if I'm wrong.

    You slept with her, then a week later her and your friend started dating. And now she's telling him she wants to get married so they can finally have sex?
     
  9. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    :rofl:

    I only read half of the post, but so long as you told him how stupid he'd be if he actually married the girl, then that's all you can do.

    If he goes through with it, he's just going to have to learn the hard way. Anytime someone PRESSURES you into marriage, there's a good chance there's an ulterior motive (citizenship, money, etc.).
     
  10. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    :rofl: If your friend ends up going through with this he fails at life, and will learn that when the marriage goes sour and she gets 1/2 his shit at the ripe old age of 22
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    So sad how dumb young kids are.
     
  12. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    + alimony for 2-3 yrs
     
  13. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Heh, the marriage probably wouldn't last long enough for her to warrant getting alimony (has to be at least 5 years).

    But the odds of them cranking out a kid are great, and that's 18 years of child support. :hs:
     
  14. Tzuma

    Tzuma New Member

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    This is the biggest problem I have, citizenship aside. If he doesnt trust her, why is marriage even an option?

    Before I jump on the citizenship bandwagon, shes obviously not from this country. What ethnicity/culture is she/her parents from? Could it be one that marriage early is commonplace? Do her parents have strict control over her, to where they may be able to manipulate her and make her truly think that she 'loves you too much to wait' ?

    Either way, I think youve said all the right things and arent making anything worse by being honest with him. If he moves forward with this, its on him. You cant save everyone.
     
  15. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    Thanks everyone -- just wanted to make sure I wasn't the only one who actually thought this girl was fucking insane, and my friend almost as insane for actually considering marrying her. Apparently they talked last night "and everything is ok now" but I know that will just be another 3 weeks before she brings up marriage and they fight again.

    No matter how many times I tell him his relationship is unhealthy he doesn't listen.

    I slept with the girl, and a week later they were dating. She's been talking about marriage for a few months now, and they haven't even been dating 6 months. It's not like this was the first time.
     
  16. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    okay yeah...that is WAY too fast for most people in this country. Theyre still in the puppy love phase, and they even broke up during that time! So they've been dating less than five months, and not even consistantly for that long. Scary.

    I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years, and yeah occasionally we talk about marriage, and yeah I want to EVENTUALLY marry him...but I'm in college, I'm 20 years old, and NOT NOW. Its very scary for most people our age to be thinking about getting married, especially to someone you hardly know. I recognize that divorce is often thought of as a viable way out now, but you need to consider the fact that youre making a lifelong committment. Even if you do divorce, you are almost certainly tied in many ways for the rest of your lives.

    Tell your friend to tell her that yes he loves her, yes he wants to be with her, but its better in the long run for both of them if they just wait and live their own lives and get to know each other first.
     
  17. Sirius

    Sirius OT Supporter

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    Show him this OT thread? It will ruin his life, IMO. He needs to be slapped with some sense.
     
  18. 4thgenceli

    4thgenceli Active Member

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    Sounds to me like girl just wants citizenship too.... BUT


    I was married at 19 (or 20, can't remember). Back in 3/01, my brother's ex-girlfriend / good family friend introduced us. We went out to a movie that night, then more movies/dates (even though we didn't ask each other out offically, just hung out), and evenutally my prom in april. I then proposed to her on her 18th birthday in Setember.

    I've been told this is extremely rare. We're still together, happily married, and the sex is still like the first time (both virgins, and now 2 kids later).

    Young marriage isn't bad if it's true. but this sounds fishy.
     
  19. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    yea i dont think young marriage is awful, but generally speaking it tends to be a rushed affair and an overall bad idea

    many people are happily married young.

    but i figure for something that special, i would rather wait
     

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