SRS Friend is starting to scare us. Need some suggestions.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JustJeff, Dec 13, 2009.

  1. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    Cliffs: Need help on approaching friend about substance abuse (weed).

    Hello everyone! Seems like its been way too long since I've actually made a post here. Got my life straightened out, and have been helping people since. However, I've got myself into a bind and don't know what to do about it.

    My friend used to be completely straight edge. Never smoked, never drank, never had sex, etc. He was a good kid... ignorant, but a good kid. He was my roommate for 2 years, and we just moved off campus. This april, he turned 21. The minute it turned 21, the straightedge life was over for him.

    This semester, he moved into an apartment and his roommate was a pothead. He decided to try it out and loved it from the first day in. We all thought it was kind of funny at first: this kid who never touched anything illegal is now smoking and drinking with the rest of us. However, it was only funny for a few weeks.

    My friend started getting high every day, and his highs would last quite a while. There would be very few instances where you could find him when he wasn't on weed. We still laughed this off as just a phase and sooner or later he would kick off of it. Sort of like a kid having his first piece of candy.

    This didn't happen. We finally saw the real damages of what he has done when we had a Secret Santa party. He had one of my roommates as an "elf" (i guess you can call them that?). We went to go find my friend to bring him over, but he was too high to move. We also found out that he hand't gotten a gift for his elf. Luckily, I had bought a gift for all my roommates, and I just gave him that one so that he wouldn't go without a gift.

    We put him on his computer chair and wheeled him to our apartment. As soon as we got there he jumped onto the couch and laid out, eyes closed, under a blanket. He didn't move for the entire night (4 hours) except for a few moments where he would laugh for no reason what so ever. He ended up spending the night.

    I got a call from one of his roommates today. Apparently last night he didn't have any weed and tried to smoke whatever he could to try and get a high feeling from it. I couldn't clearly understand all of the details, but I know that his roommates are considering kicking him out for the way he has been acting.

    He is failing some of his classes (completely stopped going to some), and not responding to anybody in his apartment. He doesn't leave at all anymore, just gets high and sits in his room.

    Now I love this guy. He is a great friend and a great person, and I hate to see him in a situation like this. I have never dealt with talking to someone about a substance abuse as I've never seen something this serious before. I was hoping that I could get some advice on how to approach this matter to try and help him straighten out for next semester.

    Any suggestions would be great. Thanks again!
     
  2. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    it's tough to hear as a friend... but coming from someone who has struggled/struggles with addiction himself there is little you can do or say to change him. he is going to have to wake up and realize things on his own... which unfortunately means hitting rock bottom.
     
  3. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    How well do you know this kid? Maybe his strict policy of avoidance stopped helping him deal with his problems and a strict policy of indulgence is now helping him to cover them up. Coming of age, having new rights/opportunities changes the climate a bit. I certainly can relate ...
     
  4. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    I met him my freshman year in college. He is from the same state as me so we road trip back home together quite a bit. I'm currently borrowing some of his stuff and he's borrowing my guitar. We are both seniors.

    I know he is one of those guys that doesn't tell anybody anything at all. He never shares his feelings and doesn't really reveal too much on the outside.

    I'm not sure. All I know is I have two finals tomorrow and I don't want this to get in the way of my goals. I'll have to take care of it after tomorrow, just looking for some ways of approaching it.
     
  5. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    He sounds like a personality that clings to absolutes. Guy could probably something structured to latch onto that will be a healthy force in his life. Maybe some sort of religion or maybe an activity with frequent meets and events. Probably something where people would reach out and make efforts to know and involve him. Hopefully he'd become "all about it" and it would do him some good.
     
  6. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    He is already very religious. As well, I'm pretty sure he is joining/in a frat. I don't know if that's adding to his behavior or not, but I will find out later tonight or tomorrow when I talk to him. Thanks.
     
  7. seismic

    seismic New Member

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    Tell him your concerns, and then tell him you're too concerned about him to remain around him if he continues to act this way. Don't stay around it. He needs to lose his friends as a first step toward rock bottom.

    The only way for him to realize the impact of his situation is to let him destroy his life all by himself. Telling an addict that they have problems means absolutely nothing until they themselves realize the extent of their addiction from personal experience.
     
  8. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    exactly. no one wants to be preached to and everyone 'has it under control'.
     
  9. OniMinion

    OniMinion ...recalls when this forum was actually about cars OT Supporter

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    I'm willing to bet money he is taking way more than he is admitting to you. It's tough to say, but sometimes there isn't anything you can do except tell him how you feel and leave it at that. Do not give an ultimatum is you value your friendship, as he'll probably not pick you and end up resenting your friendship. I would make it known to him that you are uncomfortable with the situation, and that you'd prefer to not be around him when he acts that way. Make it clear to him that you care for him and his safety at that you are concerned. If you fear that his life may be in jeopardy, then you may want to consider an intervention. Although, I'm still not sure if interventions are for the individual, or the individuals friends and family. I WOULD CONSIDER giving him the suicide questions. I now it sounds out there, but you can never be too sure. If he passes the first question, then drop it, don't give the whole test as you may offend him. If he fails the first question, no matter what finish the quiz. If he fails more than one question it's up to you to weigh in on how he's doing.

    I had a similar issue with a friend. He actually passed away a few years ago. He was the smartest kid in high school we knew, seriously light years ahead of where he should have been. He got bored and got into meth... the end.
     
  10. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    You could also get his family involved. It'll be a lot harder to hide his actions when the jig is up.
     
  11. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    he might or might not grow out of it soon. some people get over it after 4-5 years, others take a few decades. taking action and doing things like getting his family involved is a bad idea. if it was me i would just be a good friend, get him out of any messes he may be involved in, and just be there to help him. it is something he is going to have to grow out of on his own. the situation that causes him to do so may not be pretty, and it could end with the law.
     
  12. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    The few things we don't want to do is bring in the law or his family. As of right now, I don't know how really severe it is, and don't want to jump to conclusions if not have to be made.

    I still haven't talked to him yet. I need to get over there and just man up and ask him straight up what his deal is. However, I'm still hesitant to do so cause I really don't know what to say.

    Thanks for all the tips guys. It's really helping me figure this one out.
     
  13. dmcgill

    dmcgill New Member

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    Word.
     
  14. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    I'd bet a dollar to a donut he's going through some pretty tough depression. The symptoms sound like a dead ringer. He doesn't want to go outside anymore, and he is constantly trying to get high (doesn't want to deal with w/e is bothering him when he's sober.)

    Are you aware of anything in particular?
     
  15. Kozzy McKoz

    Kozzy McKoz OT Supporter

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    Wow, sounds like heroin not pot
     
  16. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    Well, one of my friends called me and told me that my friend was considering dropping out of school. So, I went over to his apartment and we dragged him out and had a conversation with him.

    Ended up talking for about 2 hours about his goals and why he's doing what he's doing. We wanted to make sure that we weren't telling him what to do, just finding out what he was doing.

    I think it went well. We'll see what happens when he comes around. Needless to say, he may not come back to school next semester to figure out some things.
     
  17. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    he's not on just weed

    he's on something more serious

    cough syrup?
     
  18. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    I never heard of anyone that addicted to weed I agree with the others he's trying other drugs too or the weed is laced with dust or something
     
  19. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    I didn't think you could get this addicted either, but I am aware that he has started doing whip-its because he ran out of weed... I don't know what else he can get his hands on. He seems pretty fucked up though, like he's almost constantly high.

    Last night, he told me that the description of how he acted at my party, he wasn't high at all. I don't know how that's possible. Seems like he may just be lying to us because he's embarrassed about something.
     
  20. borborygmus

    borborygmus Guest

    I smoke a shitload of weed and judging by what you're saying I think he's on something a little more serious than pot. You build up tolerance pretty fast and get past the "too high to move" phase very quickly.

    however, if he is smoking all the time AND drinking all the time I could see him acting like you described.

    either way, it sucks for him and like others said he'll have to realize for himself the situation he is in and the harm he is doing before anyone else will be able to do anything about it.
     
  21. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

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    it could be cocaine :dunno:

    Seriously.
     
  22. Eurostaunch

    Eurostaunch New Member

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    Does he always smell like booze as well as weed? Are there tin foil pieces and straws around? Are his pupils extremely small? If it wasn't during the first few days of binge smoking than it's unlikely that weed would leave him ossified like that at the party. He could also be on benzodiazepines or popping oxycodone.
     
  23. Qt_pie2

    Qt_pie2 New Member

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    Sad to hear that a dear friend is going through all this...

    Hey! why don't you get him to move in with you, so you can keep an eye on him. Try speaking with him when he is not high and if necessary get him help.
     

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