LGBT friend came out of the closet help!!

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by lcgurl07, May 8, 2008.

  1. lcgurl07

    lcgurl07 New Member

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    Hi, So my best friend for a guy confronted me the other day that he came out of the closet. He came realized he was gay last summer going into college. After his freshman year he decided to tell his closest friends that were girls. As of now I am the only one that knows. I am soo upset and puzzled on why he didnt tell me or anyone sooner.I am upset that he had to suffer for so long in silence. Now he wants to tell his parents but he asked me to come with him. I can only imagine how hard for him it was to tell me I can only imagine it to be 20 times harder to tell parents. He is not sure how he wants to tell his mom and dad.They are pretty strict and very catholic and believe that being gay is a immortal sin and that god should punish sinners.I was wondering if anyone has similar stories or experiences and can lend a few friendly words of advice. Thanks I appreciate it this a lot!Thanks:bowdown::x::confused:
     
  2. Elusid

    Elusid New Member

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    Jesus yeah that's never easy. I started coming out 2 years ago and am just starting to be really open about it. I just told my mom 2 weeks ago and my dad, step dad, and former step dad all don't know (tmk) but I'm sure they would be alright with it buuuut none of them are extremely religious. My grandparents are however and I don't even want to think about what would happen if they find out... My guess would be that if he tells them it will be a shock at first (usually is) and that they will bring religion into it and all that fun stuff. It'll probably be really rough for a while but eventually smooth out once the parents have time to think about it. Sometimes this can take a few hours... sometimes a few years but the most important thing is that he knows that he has friends there for him. That's the only way I've been able to make it through my situation which, from reading other stories in here, has been fairly smooth going. Can't even imagine how much harder it would have been with super religious parents... Wish him luck for me
     
  3. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    Well, all you can do is tell him that you love him and that you'll be there for him any way you can be.

    I'm not sure about having you in the room with him when he tells his parents. That's something between him and his parents and you may not be welcome there.
     
  4. Naturally Baked

    Naturally Baked Active Member

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    Dont be mad at him for not telling you...you never know how someone is going to react.


    As far as the parents go I agree with sam that maybe you shouldnt go, but tell him that hes welcome to come to your place after if things don't go well.
     
  5. blaq19

    blaq19 New Member

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    Agreed.
     
  6. lcgurl07

    lcgurl07 New Member

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    i dont plan to be in the same room as him when he tells his parents but i do plan to be like in his room or something for him after giving him support.....
     
  7. TheMustafa

    TheMustafa hook 'em

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    i wouldnt be anywhere in his house. coming out to his parents should be a completely private thing.
     
  8. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    I agree...

    The parents need to be comfortable in their own home to react the way the feel comfortable reacting... they don't need to have company.
     
  9. lcgurl07

    lcgurl07 New Member

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    Okay OT readers. My friend who is gay told his parents tonight. I did not go because a few of you advised me other wise but I did tell him if things got rough to give me a call and he can come crash or hang at my place. He ended up coming over anyways. He said there was a lot of screaming and yelling. There was a lot of tension and upset. His parents brought out the whole catholic speal and speech but then after a few hours I guess they realized that it was out of their control and that they cant do anything about it. They are not open and accepting of him. He is the happiest I have ever seen him. So men in the Boston or Maine area, thats where his college is, he is single and looking!! Thanks everyone for the help and the advice!
     
  10. Naturally Baked

    Naturally Baked Active Member

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    Wow, that kinda makes me wanna tell mine soon. Just knowing he can finally be himself must feel amazing.


    let him know if hes in boston/NYC area in the next 5-6 years to PM me hahahaha
     
  11. TheMustafa

    TheMustafa hook 'em

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    i told my parents, got thrown out of the house for 2 weeks and couch-surfed, "invited" back to work things out with an offer to go to family therapy (which I only went to 1 session of because the therapist decided my parents needed to each see someone individually), and now things are good - maybe a little better than before - but we still dont really discuss it.

    The only reason I went back was because I knew if I left then, I would never talk to them again. In retrospect, I probably should have written everything down in a letter and rubber-banded it to a stack of books on sexuality and parenting a homosexual child.

    For me personally, it has helped me come closer to my parents; when you hold secrets like this from people, subconsciously a certain resentment builds that you dont really perceive and negatively affects all your relationships.

    cliffs: coming out is a bitch, but keeping yourself in the closet only fucks you up.
     
  12. Naturally Baked

    Naturally Baked Active Member

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    you know, all me and my mom do is fight, I am so rude to her and I honestly dont know why, but I think it could be because of this. She constantly tries to figure me out by saying things like "your 20 years old now, shouldnt you be going out with girls" or "why do you wanna transfer colleges with this guy...it just doesnt make sense" or "soemtimes I wonder..." (last time she said that I flipped and asked her what the fuck she wonders about? and she just said, "whats going on in your head", and this was all because I wanted to room with my friend) and it just pisses me off. Me and my dad on the other hand are fine because he doesnt bother making remarks like that all the time. He does sometimes, but I honestly think he would be the one to be okay with me being me. My mom on the other hand I feel has this fairy tale life written out for me where I meet a girl, have kids, become rich and powerful, have grand kids..etc etc...Ive told her before that life doesnt always work out the way you want it to, and to get out of this fairy tale mentality. Things are not going to always be okay or go the way you want them. If I could magically become straight (aka be born straight, I wouldnt try any therapy or drugs etc etc)....then I would, but the fact is I cant, I am who I am and theres nothing me or her can do about it. Its hard for me and she needs to stop being so fucking god damn selfish and realize that. Does she think I pourposely chose to like men? She used to love ellen, then ellen came out, she hates her now. She used to like rosie, then rosie came out and she hates rosie....she has told me "I dont mind watching her sometimes but she brings up her girlfriend constantly and I dont want to hear about that"...I mean, if you are questioning whether or not your son is gay thats just not something that you say to him.


    Wow. :ugh: wtf just happend?
     
  13. TheMustafa

    TheMustafa hook 'em

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    Umm, sounds like you need to copy/paste into an email, send to mom, and get all this shit on the table so that your relationship with your mom can be rebuilt on reality. She's gonna freak out, grieve over the "perfect son" she lost or whatever, and (if you stick it out long enough) eventually come around. You'll have a new, stronger relationship thats based on honesty instead of everyone passive-aggressively competing against each other in a hurtful poker game and hiding their cards.
     
  14. blaq19

    blaq19 New Member

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    Glad it worked out for him!
     

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