SRS found out girlfriend has been cheating on me.. now im happy? wtf?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by deuceforty, Dec 20, 2009.

  1. deuceforty

    deuceforty between rupture and rapture

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    so my girlfriend of about 3 years decided a month or 2 go to start cheating on me with a guy from work. she was constantly texting him, lying to me about who she was texting etc, saying she was talking to her mom, best friend etc. called her out on it, we had a huge fight for like 4 hours with me asking to see her phone. i said "honestly if i were to look at your phone what would i see"
    she made up a whole bunch of lies of course, i asked if i could see it, her demeanor totally changed, she was defensive and aggressively attacking me as a person.

    ended up she got caught in the lie, confessed to liking him and going out with him a few times etc, of course i had my doubts.. 2 nights ago when my gf fell asleep i popped open her ipod touch to look at her facebook, i hadnt been able to sleep well since the first instance, too many thoughts in my head, she has been distant for a while now.

    at first when i read her message to her friend about how much she likes this guy, and how even he seemed to vilify her for cheating, saying something about "even though you would cheat on me you would still be my little nerd girl" i was crushed. our relationship has always been up and down, but at the end of the day we were always there for each other, we both have our own demons. the thing that bothered me the most about her message was that she told her friend the only reason she hasnt broke up with me is because she pities me for being in a slump (car wreck, injuries, sisters house burning down etc.) that hurt the most.

    so after a whole day of her texting me that she still loves me and wants to make it work, try again in the future etc. i write it off as her just trying to make me not so down on myself.

    im a pretty big alky, but have always managed to hide it from her for the most part.. the second i got off work i started drinking, texted her to come pick me up and talk, i told her everything how i feel, she layed on my held my hand etc. after i said my peace she invited me back to her place. she felt just as distant as she did the entire time before, no remorse, no makeup sex, hell not so much as a sniffle. theres no regret.


    then it hit me, she has cheated on every boyfriend she has ever had. this WILL happen again in the future if i stay with her. any girl who can justify cheating on someone and feel no remorse about it will surely do it again.. in a sense i regret staying over, i dont want to be with her anymore, after my catharsis i feel like i have a clear head. i dont want to force myself into her life, id rather be by myself.

    whatthe fuck should i do?
     
  2. notcreative

    notcreative New Member

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    you already know what to do.

    Walk away, don't look back and stop drinking so much.
     
  3. deuceforty

    deuceforty between rupture and rapture

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    its really hard...

    ive got ALOT of issues ive had to deal with, this girl was the only thing in my life that didn't abandon me or tell me i was worthless whenever i fucked something in my life up.

    ive been drinking for years to cope with the fact that ive let down basically all of my friends and family with almost everything they ever expected of me.
     
  4. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

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    Like notcreative already said, you know what to do. This woman is poison and she'll just keep fucking you over if you stay with her.

    So here's what you do. You tell her to get out. Don't get angry, don't get sad. Be as completely devoid of emotion as you can possibly get. Be like Horacio from CSI: Miami. Just be cool as a fucking cucumber. Tell her that you know she cheated, the relationship is over, and you don't need some pity party.

    At this point she will probably try some mindfucking because she wants to come out of this breakup on top. Deny her such satisfaction. She will probably try to come on to you, kiss you, try to appeal to your emotions. Don't fall for it, it's a trap. Yes, I'm talking even turning down sex. Hell don't even turn her down, just ignore the advances.

    As soon as she's gone get to work on yourself. Get some physical therapy for your injuries if you're not already and look into treatment for you alcoholism. Join a gym, find new hobbies, meet new people. Improve yourself and you'll get a better woman, and overall you will come out of this relationship as the one who truly benefited from it failing.
     
  5. deuceforty

    deuceforty between rupture and rapture

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    i used to be in great shape... when we got serious i quit going to the gym becacuse she said it triggered her eating disorder issues. i put about 60 pounds. ive since gotten back into shape and she hates it, says that it drives her crazy and she feels like she has to compete with me.

    the whole "i know you cheated" fight already happened. there were no sexual advances, no kissing, no anything. just like she has been the past few months, shes all talk. she says things but her body and demeanor speak differently.

    i know what i need to do, its just that she has been my best/only friend over the past 3 years
     
  6. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

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    Wow dude, she's so selfish and insecure that she couldn't stand you being healthy? Sounds like she was incredibly controlling. She didn't want you becoming a better person so she could hold power over you.

    See if that keeps up once you kick her to the curb. If she needs something from you she'll try to use affection to get it out of you.

    I know its difficult with her being your main friend, but if you think about it, she's not a friend at all is she? Kick her to the curb and go out and meet some new people, people who aren't poisonous.
     
  7. deuceforty

    deuceforty between rupture and rapture

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    to address that first part, she says that when im "in shape" and eating healthy and going to the gym that i act llike im better than everyone else talking about carbs, calories etc. i can understand how it would trigger it.

    the second part, all of my "friends" are pretty poisonous. i have yet to find a symbiotic relationship with another human being that doesnt try to just hang out with me to use me for something or another. the only person close to a friend i would say i have is my coworker, who happens to be 30 and married with a kid. im 22 and in college. we dont really have anything in common other than that we work together..
     
  8. dmcgill

    dmcgill New Member

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    MOTHERFUCKING :werd: RIGHT THERE

    I was in the same situation before. And that, my friend...is the correct fucking attitude. FOCUS ON THAT.
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :ugh: Dump her and move on
     
  10. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    box up her stuff, tell her to box up yours. drop her shit off and pick up yours.

    no more talking, no more texting, no more contact. delete her from your phone/facebook/IM/email...........be done.

    tha'ts what you should do.
     
  11. weezyfbaby

    weezyfbaby New Member

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    move on bro and improve what you think you need to work on.

    you didn't let down anyone else in your life. who are they to expect ANYTHING from you to even be let down in the first place. You live for you and you only. So forget about that pity party, you shouldn't care about "letting others down" because to be honest, you are only 22...

    Find someone better who deserves your love and isn't going to be mad at you for trying to eat/be/live healthy... that right there should have pissed you off.

    Sounds like you are MUCH better off now. Maybe you lost a best friend/lover but it's better it happened now then later when you were married, had a house, and kids, etc.

    Good luck bro
     
  12. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    Well you're doing the best you can and you deserve better than a cheater. It's the topic of another thread (I don't come in here much) but I doubt you've let your friends/family down as much as you think you have. Either you're your own worst critic or they are jackasses, if you're worried about it to the point of drinking then you care about the people around you too much to fuck up that bad :)
     
  13. johan

    johan Active Member

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    She's done you a massive favour and given you a get out of jail card free.
    Now do your part. Take that card and cash it in. And move on.

    After that, make a special effort to clean yourself up.
    You acknowledge being a "big alky" (your words, not mine). You should look into that and get clean.

    You also talk of being in a slump. Granted, through no fault of your own.
    But here's your chance to make a nice clean break from the shackles of your life such as it is now.

    Throw off this useless cheater. Take the first step toward a better life.
     
  14. kungfuwoo

    kungfuwoo New Member

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    weird, I was in a similar position with a girl early this year. Thing that sucked was that we were really good friends for 6 years, I thought I knew her, blah blah.

    Same thing about her - she was cheating, she was texting her ex in secret, caught her, she just said she was staying in touch, then changed his name to his initials :rolleyes: YEA YOU STUPID BITCH, I CANT TELL WHO THIS IS

    Anyways broke up with her, but I was a wreck for a couple of weeks. We sorta got back together, not officially, but hanging out, hooking up, etc. At the same time I was hooking up w/a different chick, but wasn't ready for a relationship. Finally said bye to the ex for good, told her that she wasn't worth my time anymore, and haven't talked to her in months. Point of last contact was mid-september, but I hadn't really talked much with her since ~June.

    Looking back at it, I'm definitely WAY better off without her and my life has been amazing...just get rid of this girl...it'll suck for a little while, but you'll get over it.
     
  15. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    It really makes me shake my head when I find out people are cheating on there SO when they have been with each other for that long.

    You did say you have had your ups and downs a lot so hopefully that can help you get past the part of not being surprised.

    I think one of the hardest things to get over is when your in a relationship and you are totally fooled and had no clue that the person you were with was cheating on you. By this I mean you had what seemed a healthy relationship, saw each other all the time and thought everything was great. Only to be hit with an incredible force in the chest the minute you find out she was cheating on you.

    This hasn't happened to me. I hope it never does because I can honestly understand why some people never get in a serious relationship again if they are with somebody for X amount of years only to find out the person they were with was a fake. Bad judge of character? Maybe. But that feeling of thinking you were with somebody incredibly special for 2 years only to find out she is a cheater really will make it hard to feel that way again. Because if everything is going great with that next relationship you'll never really know if it could happen again. Only hope that the first one was bad apple.

    I work with a guy who was with somebody for a good 5 years and it was during his 30's. Well, she ended up cheating on him and he treated her great. He never really got in a relationship again because I think he knew that he'd never be able to trust a woman again. I think some people get hurt so bad it's easier to just stay single than have to worry about being hurt again.
     
  16. deuceforty

    deuceforty between rupture and rapture

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    cant say im not surprised...

    but i decided to stay with her... i thought she could change, i thought she realized the error in her ways or whatever.. she seemed genuine about it.. hell it almost feels like she read this thread or something. all my friends said no matter how bad relationships get nobody deserves something like this to happen in a real relationship, etc. etc. she never cared about me etc. etc.

    so today she texts me basically saying she has no issues if i work out again, and then somehow manages to reverse the conversation around to saying i always lecture her about her eating disorders or whatever. pretty much all day seeming like shes trying to pick a fight. i dont know.. its just off. im wondering if i will ever be able to trust her again or if i should just give up.. it seems again like shes all talk, but when push comes to shove the same old girl just pops back out like "i dont need you im going to do whatever i want"


    IBimafuckingpussyforstayingwithher

    really i dont know what the fuck im doing. i dont even know why im posting this
     
  17. wickedaznguy

    wickedaznguy New Member

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    Damn brother, you gotta get off that bandwagon and take another road. There's no point of riding through a dead end relationship. Keep this in mind, relationship is like a kite sometimes it flys high and sometimes it flys flow. In this special "cheating" case. Your kite is flying low and crippled. It's almost like she's pulling your string.
     
  18. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Pretty much
     
  19. Igneous

    Igneous \\ OT Supporter

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    the only thing i can say is the time is something you do not get back. so you decide to keep at it, try not to be miserable or regretful in the end
     
  20. johan

    johan Active Member

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    it's not surprising. You have some personal issues which right now, make it more comforting to stay with her, even though this relationship probably isn't one to go the distance.

    One day, if you deal with your personal stuff, and really improve, you'll look back and think...HUH, I DESERVED BETTER THAN THAT.

    Well, either way... Good luck.
     
  21. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    This, and get back in the gym, stat. You never should have allowed her to completely stop you from going in the first place. Focusing on your gym routine will be helpful when you implement your plan to lay off the booze.

    Also: By screwing everyone else she's really screwing herself. She did you a favour. GTFO before she brings more drama into your life.
     
  22. JudyVu

    JudyVu New Member

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    If you haven't rid yourself of her yet, you are worryingly fooked up, man.
     
  23. TheOutlawTorn

    TheOutlawTorn New Consequence Machine

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    Don't let yourself down. You've got enough bullshit going on in your life. Enough shit to deal with. You don't need some girl who likes to play games and lead you on.

    Cut that shit off before it drives you even farther into yourself. You can do it. You've already took a big step in realizing that there is a problem. (your last paragraph)
     

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