SRS Former Friend talks to me again, then stops

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Omega6_Virus, Jul 11, 2005.

  1. Omega6_Virus

    Omega6_Virus New Member

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    I've known this girl for a few years and we've been friends(on talking terms) for maybe half the time I've known her. She hadn't talked to me for almost a year, because her b/f didn't like the fact we were friends, when I got a friend request from her on MySpace. I didn't get it right away, but two weeks later when I did, she emailed me back. We emailed a bit and she gave me her new cell #. I texted her a couple times and shes replied, but a month ago was the last time I had any contact with her. Since that time, I emailed her twice asking what was up and to write back or call me when she can.
    I'm not expecting to just jump back to being friends, and I'm not really sure I want to since this is about the 5th time shes done this. I really want to tell her to piss-off, but I also kinda want to be her friend. Before I got the friend request, I actually saw her drive by my work and look to see if my car was in the lot.

    I want to say something to her, but not really sure how to start. Any advice?
     
  2. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    I have a couple of friends JUST like that. Don't let it get to you. I've coined my own name for that -- "hybernation mode"

    I have a situation just like yours, we were great friends..hung out a lot. Even in this period she'd go into hybernation spells every once in a while whenever she was occupied with a new hobby or love interest. I used to take it personally... "what kind of friendship is this?"

    Then she gets married one day....I don't see or hear from her in 3 years then POOF, I see email, we get in contact...I'm suddenly seemingly her best friend again for 2 or 3 weeks. POOF! Gone again.

    So strange huh? I even told her in a recent email "Oh, I can see you going into your hybernation mode again with me.... take care and we'll catch up again sometime soon!"

    I have a couple of best friends (married couple) like that too. Every Summer, I don't hear from them at ALL for like 2 months at a time. They don't return calls or anything. But it's any number of reasons involving family get togethers and such that prevent them from putting their time into anything else. And I understand too... we're as close as brothers and sister but they have other things that needs their full attention every once in a while. In an emergency, they'll come running to help me though...

    Don't take her silence personally. If need be, downgrade her friend status in your mind, but if you can accept being her *occasional* friendship then that's not a bad thing is it?
     
  3. Nightshade

    Nightshade New Member

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    you have to stop focussing on one person; you will lose!!

    focus on more than one person, and life will be a lot easier, and life will be more fulfilling!!

    you want to say something?? say NOTHING, and you WIN!!

    if you disappear, she will return, and then time will come back again!! there are more people to see than you need to know, and they won't ignore you like her ...

    shit, dude!! please move on!! if you want to date her, then tell her you want to, and put it all out; otherwise find someone else!!

    don't salivate, solve the problem!! :)
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    What do YOU want to get out of this relationship?

    Figure that out, and then determine if her on-again/off-again habit is going to work in that context. You already know what she's like (to you anyways) and that isn't likely to change.

    So figure out if that works for you based on what you want from her.

    As a simple example, let's say you want no strings attached casual sex. Well then, this could work pretty well. You see her, badabing, and then she disappears again for a few months while you're busy with other things anyways.
     
  5. Rodthrower18

    Rodthrower18 New Member

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    I have to agree with what johan said, evaluate wat YOU want out of it and go from there. If you want NSA sex then id say friggin go for it, if not drop her like a bad habit where she stands bc ppl like that DONT change. They will only call you when they need something and just leech off of you until they dont need you anymore, then they will vanish into obscurity only to lie dormant for the next time they need something from good ol dependable you. Like the disease ridden pestilence that they truly are they will wait until they think you are over watever theyve done to you, this could be a month up to a yr but I guarantee they will come back to try to leech you, so my advice is have sex with her and cut off ALL contact with her, permanantly.
     
  6. Omega6_Virus

    Omega6_Virus New Member

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    I did that last year Dr. Love. It was a couple weeks after that when her b/f started to get upset(or made it more apparent to her that he was). So then she stopped talking to me. I had moved on. And she isn't the only girl in my life.


    What I want from this? Well, her to be my unconditional friend. This on-off shit is annoying. Booty calls? Maybe.

    I had asked her long ago why she continued to be my friend all this time. I had to keep pressing the question to get an answer and she finally said it was because she liked me before. Now, I know that doesn't mean anything, but I still want to know why.
     
  7. Rodthrower18

    Rodthrower18 New Member

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    That "I liked you before" speech is a load of BULLSHIT thats one fo the tactics to reel you in so that you can do things for her bc even though uve moved on, if u even gave the slightest reaction to that shes going to latch on to that, think of it in a predator point of view, if u react in ANY way to that or any number of her bullshit "Ive missed u , I shouldnt have stopped talking to you , I wont leave this time" speeches thats like a wolf tasting blood, once that happens the hunt is on. She will do a multitude of things to stalk you weaken you , and finally STRIKE to get those warm fleshy insides of yours(sry went National geographic mode for a minute). Honestly tho that questioning of why that you have left is what is going to allow her to creep her way back in with you. So MAYBE try talking to her once if u really must but Id honestly just classify her as persona non grada and get the hell out b4 u get pulled back into the perpetual ring of bullshit.
    P.S.Yes I know I just went thru drama myself but this is shit I dealt with long ago and remember the lessons well.
     
  8. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Well, you can't do that dude. You're placing conditions on this friendship yourself. i.e., you want her to answer your calls, you don't want her to touch bases with you on a regular basis, you want her for booty calls...etc.

    When you think about friendship...what is it? It's like being "in love" with someone (guy or girl) without expectations or needs placed on each other.

    Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
    Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
    Just walk beside me and be my friend.

    In the case of my hybernating friend I mentioned above, I give my unconditional care to her and I look at our occasional once-every-3-year contact with fondness. I give what I receive...she wants to know how I'm doing every now and again like that? Fine! I use that opportunity to catch up with her and see that she is happy.

    That's it. She doesn't ask any more of me then I would ask of her. And that's all a friendship should qualify itself to be.

    What you're looking for is something more....something that perhaps she will not give you and that upsets you. Expectations are placed between you. That's not a friendship, you're trying to climb the wrong ladder.
     
  9. Nightshade

    Nightshade New Member

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    dude, do you listen??

    MOVE THE FUCK ON!!

    is this clear enough?? if you move on, you will find an unconditional friend, and no bets needed on it not being her!!

    seriously, you have been flogging a dead cat for over a year!! (and there have been 5 rejections!!) can you take a hint??

    come on, this shouldn't be rocket science!! common sense would help!! :o
     

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