SRS Fork in the road

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Gradey, Oct 15, 2006.

  1. Gradey

    Gradey Guest

    I don't really know how to type this al out so it may all seem kind of random. I guess i'll start with the girl, bc well itsn't that where they almost all start. We've been dating for almost 2 years. I'm 22 she is 21. We are both about to finish college in december, when she will start grad school, and I will be getting a job. Recently she she told me she would like to have an open relationship and see what else is out there, but still be intimate and stay together 2-3 nights a week. I agreed to this because I love her and will do anything to make her happy. I would have no problem going out and having a great time and if I met someone who interested, great. But it gets a little tricky because I acquired a STD from her. This makes me not want to go out and try a start something with a nother girl. I couldn't live with myself if someone else got infected. Me and this girl have talked seriously many times about marriage, and a family together. We have all of the same values, and goals for a familiy so I think it would be perfect. We never really fought about anything, she just thinks she is missing something i guess. I am just trying to not go crazy, thinking about the future. I mean what if something else works out for her, I would be happy for her. But then that leaves me fucked. I will not give this disease to someone else, especially someone who I would want to be the mother of my children. children is another thing, I'm not even sure if I can have them not because of this. I'm just trying to figure out what the heck i should do, bc I have no fucking clue. no worries, suiscide isn't an option. I've lost to many people close to me that way, and I see what it does to everyone else. I am not a selfish person at all so I would never wish to make anyone feel they way I did when dealing with someone taking their own life. well this is probably my biggest post on OT, so I think it is time for a bowl. I will answer any questions if you have them, and I am very interested in hearing what everyone else thinks. cheerio
     
  2. onedownfiveup

    onedownfiveup Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2005
    Messages:
    18,222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    KC
    Take it.

    Personally, I would have a serious talk with her and make her choose. Her wanting an open relationship to me means she's so young and she thinks there might possibly be something better out there and she's just missing it. But she doesn't want to lose you in the mix of things.

    The STD thing sucks, sorry to hear about it. Can it be cured? If so, I'd look into getting that taken care of. I wouldn't worry about it, and I deffently wouldn't let it stop me from meeting new girls. I'm not saying go out and not tell anyone about it, but at least get to know the girl and before you guys get serious talk to her about it. If she gets freaked out and all the sudden and doesn't want to talk to you anymore, then she's not for you.
     
  3. Cherry Red

    Cherry Red OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2002
    Messages:
    9,632
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Above the center of the earth
    Don't waste your time with "open relationships" I am married and after that my husband rented a escort and decided we were going to swingers clubs, What you gain from "open relationships" is not always the greatest.
    I would move on if I were you as hard as it may seem its almost saying you have to move on. You cant ruin you rlife by waiting till the other person is ready and never knowing when that may be.
    Don't give up your life to wait for something you might or might not have
     
  4. Kortiz-DZ

    Kortiz-DZ Resident Nigerian Lipper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2006
    Messages:
    11,293
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Northeastern Indiana
    Don't ever play 2nd fiddle. Ever. Take that for what you will.
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    An STD is not the end of your life. Hopefully you can get a cure for it,(because you didn't state exactly what std you have) You need to become the best man you can get, despite your disease. And realise that you still have a future in front of you in which you should look at the things you CAN do instead of the things that you can't. With a cure, you might still be able to meet another person,have while having safe sex in the future along with a valuable life lesson learned.

    Namely never to go into an open relationship,because of the feelings that are getting hurt. You need to protect yourself and , id rather have you having a traditional exclusive relationship with someone. Not because its a 100% safe solution, but reducing sexual contacs reduces your chance of getting infected.
     
  6. Gradey

    Gradey Guest

    In terms of the STD; No cure, and not life threatning. Yeah it seems she wants to see if there is anything better, but she also said she knew I was the one for her, but she needed a break. She says she still loves me, so i will give it a week or 2 because i can mentally afford to do that However,after 2 weeks you know if you want to be with the person, and then I will ask her to choose. I can handle a little seperation if it is for the best, but I REFUSE to let myself be walked on again. oh yeah her best friend has been hanging out, a lot the last 2 nights. Maybe something is there that we never knew.... I'll let it play out, and keep you all updated. I'm still curious about other responses to my original post.
     
  7. Gradey

    Gradey Guest

    What do you mean "take it" sorry I don't but a long day drinking will do that to ya... :)
     
  8. Gradey

    Gradey Guest

    anybody else have any ideas? please I need some more input
     
  9. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Do YOU want an open relationship? Why are you letting her decide?
     
  10. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    50,478
    Likes Received:
    35
    Location:
    philadelphia/buffalo
    sounds like she realizes you're going to stick around no matter how shitty she treats you so she's going to go out and sleep around knowing that you're always going to be there as backup. If you have any self respect you will move on.
     
  11. Gradey

    Gradey Guest

    probably no worse than I did to her for a short time. YES I AM A HIPOCRIT, but at least she didn't know about my dealings. But i realised I loved her before I did anything to stupid
     
  12. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    Your relationship is over. By your words you will probably not want to hear this or believe it. However, your best option is to move on. She has already finished with you.
     
  13. onedownfiveup

    onedownfiveup Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2005
    Messages:
    18,222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    KC
    You know the old saying, "If you've come to a fork in the road, take it."

    That's what I was referring to. :)
     
  14. Gradey

    Gradey Guest

    I respect honesty, and you certainly didn't hold back. Thank you
     
  15. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    She's using you. She's going to go out and have fun with other guys, but keep you around for when she is feeling bad/lonely and needs support.

    She isn't committing fully to you....it's not fair to you.

    For your sake, end it.
     
  16. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2004
    Messages:
    8,396
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronots
    Next time you talk to her and she starts talking about the open relationship, then ask her "What about MY feelings?"

    if she does not agree with you, there is your answer.
     
  17. k1ko

    k1ko OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2002
    Messages:
    6,659
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    ATX
    how did you contract this std? Did she not say anything to you before having sex? I think that issue is very important. How the hell did you get it?
     
  18. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2002
    Messages:
    1,941
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Iron City
    I think you now see the fruits of an "open relationship". I wounder what you love about this girl. Perhaps you love her outward appearance, because she sure is ugly on the inside.
     
  19. Gradey

    Gradey Guest

    Got it, and your AV is BADASS
     
  20. Gradey

    Gradey Guest

    Contracted it from her. she told me she had it we had sex with condoms and i still contracted it. She was 100% straight up with me about it.
     
  21. Gradey

    Gradey Guest

    ...WTF half the post don't show up unless i make a reply...wierd
     

Share This Page