SRS Forgetting the X

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by veneratio, Apr 11, 2008.

  1. veneratio

    veneratio New Member

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    After 10 years of dating I decided to end my relationship with my gf. My reason for breaking up up was the fact that we argued a lot (3 to 4 times a week) about stupid things and we didn't even live together. I believe that if we got married and eventually moved in together it would end up in a divorce. She would be very controlling and curse at me. I just simply had enough. I try to think of negative things when I think of her. Any advice on how to ease the pain and get through this?
     
  2. le_rocks

    le_rocks New Member

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    10 years? Jeebus you guys are married.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I salute you for holding it out for so long, in the future you need to seek help sooner before things escalate as they have,you know i did the same thing, postponing seeking help purely out of feelings that it was against my pride and honour,only to find out that those things mean jack when it comes to your life happyness. Although no one is eager to talk about such a thing, its important to make choices to get out of a situation you don't want to be in, because in the end its your life happyness that's at stake. You need to make the logical moves to put your pride aside and get yourself in a benefitial position. Its ok tho, better late then never i support you on your decision to leave her.
     
  4. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    wow, 10 years is going to take time. I am probably not the best person to give advice, but I don't believe holding things against her and being angry at her is the best way to get over her. Resenting her, and possibly ending up hating her is not a good way to put the final touches on a 10 year relationship.

    Maybe all you guys really need is some space for like 3-4 months. Tell her why you broke it off before hand, after 10 years there had to have been something positive between you? So maybe the space would give her a chance to see if she could change herself and find a way for it to work out? Or maybe I am just too positive..
     
  5. veneratio

    veneratio New Member

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    We have taken separations before anywhere from a month to 3 months. This last time when we got back together, I did everything exactly as she wanted and fixed the things she complained about (all the time). And I did it for 3 months straight. However, she found new things to complain about, she would literally curse me out, she would be very unfair, and I felt that I was putting a lot more into the relationship than she was. Everytime we had an argument, she would say "well, 3 years ago you did this, or "6 months ago you did this". Basically, no matter what happened, it was always my fault, than she would cry, and that was the end of the discussion. I even offered to pay for counceling but she did not want to try that.

    So I than started observing my friends, family, and people in general on how they deal with relationships and how couples treat each other (most of them had lots of respect for each other). Suddenly, everything just clicked in my head. I realized that my friends have been right all these years when they told me "she does not respect you and you can get better". I passed up many opportunities before and stayed faitful to her. I am not trying to be cocky, but I am a fairly good looking guy with a decent carreer and I think I can be happier with someone else.

    Now, I try not to think about her, and when I do, it's about negative things. I still talk to her from time to time via text messages and AIM. I am kind to her, don't curse her out, I just simply explained to her why I don't want to pursue the relationship anymore, told her that perhaps she will be happier with someone else, and that if she ever needs any help to let me know. Her reply was "fuck you, you are an asshole and you don't care about me".

    Anyways, I know it will be hard in the near future, and I do plan on staying single for the time being. I need adivce though from people who had a similiar situaiton. Should I totally end all communication with her?

    thanks...

    ps... I am not saying that I was perfect either, I made many mistakes, but I was always willing to fix them.
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2008
  6. saiaba

    saiaba Guest

    Oh.. well with her reply of "fuck you" that would be enough reason to end communication for a while, seems like from what you said she seemed to be a cancer in your life.

    Sucks that she couldn't be a little more positive, or understanding after 10 years, and it does seem like you really tried. I could give you the usual advice of keep busy etc.. If you feel like you need to talk to her, I guess do it in an informal way, like texts, maybe no phone calls till you feel like you can handle whatever it is she may say.
     
  7. cascade85

    cascade85 New Member

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    10 years??? It took you 10 years to figure this out??? You must have really loved her and very passive with her since you put up with her shit for so long. Glad it only took me 3 years while im still young. My advice is to cut communication, go out with your friends or go out and make new friends. Either or.
     
  8. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    Your situation is a lot like the typical nice guy situation. You always give and give and never set any real boundary. This break up is more of you getting frustrated because you feel you are not receiving enough. You tried to change to what she wanted you to. Did you tell her what she needs to do also? You need to put her in her place when she lashes out on you (not trying to be the sexist here) but it looks like she doesn't know your boundary. You need to tell her what behaviors are unacceptable. If she's unwilling to care for what you want and being hard headed, I think you've done your best and it's time to move on.
     
  9. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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  10. katt_85

    katt_85 OT Supporter

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    If all she could say was fuck you, then good riddance.
     
  11. veneratio

    veneratio New Member

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    So far so good. I moved on and I am not missing my X at all. I was seeing a couple of girls at one time and than really started liking one a lot and now we are dating. She is more mature, a lot nicer, and in general a better person. Why the fuck did I waste 10 years of my life???
     
  12. Martinj

    Martinj New Member

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    Stop wasting more of your life thinking why you wasted it!
     
  13. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    she will most likely try to get you back
     
  14. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Some practical advise that works: Go to the gym, cardio then hit the weights, don't think, just observe your relation with the object, and observe the object. The object could be a feeling, a mirror, the floor. Just observe.
     

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