SRS first time relationship issues

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by cooldragon, Jun 5, 2009.

  1. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    Hey guys i had some questions on relationships. I am in my first real relationship and there are alot of issues that have come up that i have no idea how to deal with.

    we have been going out for about 6 months and its been pretty good. At the moment though she is visiting her family in another country and wont be coming back for another month. I care about her alot and she does too but i am kind of worried about her being there for a month. She knows alot of guys over there and hangs out with guys over there and she has told me. It bothers me alot that she does and i told her that but she doesnt think its a big deal.
    should i really care that she is hanging out with other guys or should i let it go? we have also talked about how i really dont show that i care. she has said that i dont really show that i care because i never ask her where she is or what she is doing or why is she doing something. I usually go with the flow even though sometimes i am pissed. now when she does things i dont like i tell her but thats it i dont get mad and she doesnt like that. But at the same time when i do seem pissed she still doesnt care so i just think its not worth my time to badger her. it seems like there is a fine balance or something.
    She does call me atleast once or twice a day from there and i am surprised by that because i would think she would be busy. i mean if i was in that situation i would only call her a few times. i guess i am kind of rambling but my main issue is should i really care if she hangs out with other guys and also should i show anger cause i am really not that type of person
     
  2. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    Not being jealous is a good thing. You want to show you her miss her and you care about her, but dont be jealous.

    And she needs to not be an attention whore. She shouldnt need your attention all the time, and she shouldnt need the attention of all those guys all the time either.

    You should keep an eye on her attitude. If she gets worse about 'you didnt ask me every question I thought you should about my day, you must not love me', you should probably get away.
     
  3. Deadhead9150

    Deadhead9150 Banned

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    Well, if it makes you feel any better I'm jealous of you.:bowdown: I wish I was in a relationship.
     
  4. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    thats rough man leaving for another country for a month :o

    it would bother me too but it all boils down to:

    do you trust her or not? does she have a history of cheating or being shady?

    if you trust her and she has a good history than you probably dont need to worry

    personally? i am :hsugh: at girls with a lot of guy friends...
     
  5. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    I think jealousy belongs in relationships. Nothing better than knowing your SO would fight for you. I don't think it should take someone over - I am a jealous person and I go overboard sometimes and I don't think it is healthy.

    Tell her you miss her, say that you trust her but that you still worry as she is important to you and you worry about things that are important to you.

    My husband is very down to earth. Doesn't really have many lines I can't cross. He doesn't outwardly show any jealousy or annoyance at behaviour of mine. So when he gets a little jealous and the green eyed monster comes out it's kinda hot.

    But maybe I haven't evolved as much as others :rofl:
     
  6. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    i do trust her and she hasnt shown me anything that tells me that i shouldnt trust her.

    we talked about it the other day and i told her i dont like it and that it bothers me. She kind of understood why but still doesnt get it. she is surprised that i am bringing it up cause she said before i never say anything or show that anything bothers me about her.
    i guess i am also not liking the fact that i havent seen in her in two weeks and i still have to wait another 3 weeks till i see her.
     
  7. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    that can be really tough esspecially if you are not used to it, but try not to get upset about it, because shes probably feeling it too. Its funny sometimes you miss her, and she misses you and you are both frustrated, and it can lead to a fight, all because you miss someone.
     
  8. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    i try not to get mad but i cant help it. i talked to her today and she told me she hung out with this guy all day by hereself. I told her i dont like it and i was trying to explain how she would feel if she was in my shoes. She then tells me that she kind of gets it. she said she trusts me because i have given alot in this relationship and she said she hasnt too much effort so she can see why i would be worried. she had to go and we didnt finish talking but this pissed me off more and sometimes i think i care too much while to her its whatever. I really dont want to deal with this shit. things are just getting worse for me and i really dont want to think about it or worry about it but i cant. it keeps popping up in my mind.
     
  9. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    Being worried, and thinking about it a lot, are part of a relationship. Not always, but at some point in all relationships.

    I used to feel like she does, that he gave so much to our relationship and I didnt as much. But eventually the rolls reversed and I felt like I was the one giving, he didnt care as much. In time it has evened out for us, and if you are patient (I hope I spelled that right) it will for you also.

    Just be careful. How long have you all been together? (Please dont take offense to this) How sure are you that she is committed to you? I personally wouldnt spend that much time with a guy that wasnt my bf, but I am a bit old fashioned. Keep trying to talk with her about it, but dont over do it, you dont want to sound too needy. Maybe try to do something like write her a letter, a gesture to show you miss her/love her.
     
  10. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    You are jumping to conclusions. To the TS, keep on doing what you are doing. Women are for the most part crazy, just as crazy as men, only in a different way. She is looking for reassurances that you care, but not in a way that will make you a psycho stalker boyfriend. Like i said, keep on doing what you are doing, you're doing great.

    As far as her being away. Dont sweat it. Theres one of two ways this is going to end. Either she is going to come home, you two are going to hug and kiss and be happy. Or she's going to cheat on you, she'll come home, you two will hug and kiss and be happy and in three weeks she will sobbingly confess to you. Either way, being worried about it isnt going to change what she does, and it will only make you doubt her.

    I highly doubt however that she is going to be cheating. You two seem to have a generally healthy and happy relationship, and women arent usually the type to go and cheat on their boyfriends just for the fuck of it, unless they are sluts, or looking to exit the relationship.

    So. I guess its on you. You know her better than any of us, think she's the cheating type? Or are these just minor little worries you are having for no real reason other than the fact that she isnt there to reassure you that everything is ok.

    I mean, the girl calls you twice a day from a different country, she sounds crazy for you.
     
  11. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    thanks for all your help guys.

    we got in an argument again over this. she was going to go hang out with the guy again and i got really mad. we were going back and forth about it. she basically was saying why am i so worried she is not doing anything wrong. if she wanted to she can just not tell me who she is hanging out with and i wouldnt know. that is all true. she does let me know who she hangs out with even if its that one guy or whoever. she told me not to worry about anything.

    you are all right and i will not argue about this again with her cause then we just argue everytime we talk. its just hard for me to be okay with it.

    I just worry and start thinking things in my head which is really stupid but its hard for me not to. I have tried to keep busy and its been fine but when i am free i start thinking.
     
  12. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    I think it deserves a little give and take. If she sees that you are upset by her behaviour she should at least try and change it a little to give you some comfort. Otherwise she is being selfish and cold.
     
  13. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    You need to lighten up a little man. She's back home, visiting with old friends. Believe it or not, women are capable of hanging out with people without their panties flying off. Use the same logic you told her to use. Put yourself in her position. If you were off visiting old friend, are YOU capable of hanging out with a female without cheating on your GF and having sex with this female you are hanging out with?

    I'm willing to bet your answer is going to be "Well I would never cheat and :mb: " Well, maybe she feels the same way, and you flipping out on her, is almost the same as accusing her of cheating. Just take it easy man. I know its hard ebcause you wont ever be able to be certain, but you should trust her. Just because she isnt in town, doesnt means she is any more inclined to cheat.
     
  14. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    i will try to stay calm down. I am trying to keep myself busy with work and chilling with friends. it helps but i guess i worry for no reason. I havent talked to her in a few days which isnt a big deal but i still worry. I hate that i do and its very stupid.

    you all are right worrying just makes it worse for me and i get nowhere. Just gotta try to stay busy i guess.
     
  15. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    a little update on my situation.. i have been talking to her less and less. usually once every other day. we havent argued about her hanging out with guys but i am more bothered now about this.

    She is hanging out with this guy and they talk everyday.. She has hung out with him alone like 3 times. She tells me that he is a good guy and blah blah. She brings up that i should trust her and thats the main thing. my point was that she shouldnt be hanging out with guys alone. the fact that she is talking to him everyday and me being her boyfriend we dont talk everyday. it all doesnt make sense. Again she does tell me she is hanging out with him and everything but maybe i am just an idiot for believing that when you are in a relationship you dont talk and hang out with other guys more often than your boyfriend. i know she is on vacation and everything but still..

    other than that everything else is fine but this still bothers me.
     
  16. benp51284

    benp51284 ......

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    Like Jay Z said"jealousy is a female trait". Just let it ride its only been 6 months and its your first relationship. If it doesnt work out due to her being away for a lil bit of time then it wasnt worth and move on.
     
  17. OniMinion

    OniMinion ...recalls when this forum was actually about cars OT Supporter

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    Seriously, if she is calling you once or twice a day from outside of the country she's definitely into you.
     
  18. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    That's what I'm thinking as well. The fact that you are having trust issues and arguing each time you talk could be the reason she is calling you less. Either way, if she misses a day to call you, don't freak out. She hasn't given you any reason not to trust her. A crucial part of relationships IS trust, so maybe this is a good test for you both?

    If you continue stressing her about this and not trusting her, I can almost gurantee you that that relationship of yours won't work out.
     
  19. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    you are really worrying way too much. find a reason not to. it is your first relationship, probably wont be the only one- there are tons of women out there. if you have hard evidence of her ever cheating then you just break it off at that point. anything in between is not needed.
     
  20. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    I mean really? jay-z advice? :hsugh:

    and jealousy is not a trait that is gender specific *sigh*
     
  21. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    an update on my situation...

    The last two weeks she was there i didnt get a call from her or anything. She came back yesterday and we hung out for a little bit. i asked her what happened the last two weeks and she just said she got busy.

    i also asked her what did she do there and how was everything and she had this smirk on her face and said nothing just shopping and what not. she didnt want to say anything else and didnt want to elaborate at all and then i had to go back to work. I havent talk to her since cause she is sleeping but i think something doesnt seem right and i think i just want to end it. its just something in my gut that tells me something is wrong.

    Before she left it wasnt like this so i think somethings up and i think i should just end it.
     
  22. OniMinion

    OniMinion ...recalls when this forum was actually about cars OT Supporter

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    So... you wanna dump her before she dumps you? What would that accomplish, an ending? Why don't you just ask her straight up, did you sleep with anyone? If she says she did, quietly leave if you can't handle that. If you don't want to know, and feel you "already know" since you're clearly miss cleo, then leave...

    I will tell you now, trust is learned and earned. You need to learn how to give it, and you have to ask yourself if she earned it.
     
  23. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    all i gotta say i overreacted by like a 1000 percent....that was a stupid waste of time
     

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