First Real date in years

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Zourn, Oct 11, 2009.

  1. Zourn

    Zourn 16-bit Ninja OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2002
    Messages:
    2,354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    So after a few years of nothing but a few here and there one night stands, I'm finally looking at the possibility of a real relationship.

    I'm 25, she's 22.

    So this girl I've been after for a while, I finally ask her non-ambiguously on a date. It was a ball that a couple of our friends were going to.

    So, we all go to our friends hotel room to change, because its within walking distance of the ball. And we decide that since its so close and we're gonna both be drinking, we should get our own room. So I do.

    Go to the ball, we hold hands, and walk arm-in-arm and all that high-school shit, get drunk, dance and all that. She bought a few of the rounds, so I was really impressed with that.

    We stagger back to the hotel room, time for some :naughty: right? Nope. We just cuddle and sleep till time for checkout. Head to Shari's for breakfast, and go back to my place where we proceed to sleep for several more hours. There wasn't much kissing, just a few pecks here and there, so I ask her about it and she says she really wants to just take it slow while she tries to figure out her life right now. And when I drop her off, she says we should do something again really soon.

    So I'm not sure how to take all of this, because for me the norm would've been to go at it like hyperactive bunnies once we got to the hotel, but that's never really worked well for me before, and I really like this girl. Is there a general timeline for taking it slow? I want to actively push forward, but I don't want to push her away either.
     
  2. LudaMan

    LudaMan Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2004
    Messages:
    1,490
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    West Des Moines, IA
    Sounds like the date went pretty well to me, and she genuinely likes you, given the "lets do something again soon" line.

    No real specific timeline, just until shes comfortable and it feels right for both of you.
     
  3. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    Take her out and relax. It will happen, when it happens.
     
  4. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Her lack of action was either fear or ASD.

    But "let's do something again really soon" = high interest.
     
  5. Gogoplata

    Gogoplata Guest

    Sounds perfect. If you slept with her, OT would tell you she's a whore and to move on.

    Dont be a poopie pants. Go out again. Relationships take work. Put in the work.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 12, 2009
  6. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    Don't be all up tight about a timeline or set limits like "by the third date if we haven't fucked then she's gone" -- that's an exceedingly ignorant way to live.

    Just engage yourself in the relationship and proceedings, feel out the situation, and you'll know when things are supposed to happen by reading the signs.

    Once you get to a point where you determine it's right, just sit her down and talk to her about her needs/desires from the relationship and explain what your needs and/or desires are. Either she'll be in line with that or she won't be.

    Not that hard. Just remember that every relationship is different, and progresses in different ways/at different rates. You know what you're comfortable with (or rather, what you're willing to deal with) in terms of how long before you do things, so either you're prepared to wait or you're not. Could be a day, week, month, or year, depending on what she's comfortable with; if you stick it out until then is all on you.
     
  7. Gogoplata

    Gogoplata Guest

    rofl @ edit. love it
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    ;)
     
  9. Zourn

    Zourn 16-bit Ninja OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2002
    Messages:
    2,354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    So, general consensus is to "go with the flow"
    I just feel weird being in this beginning stage place, it is unfamiliar territory for me.

    The only thing that bothers me is her saying that she is setting a lot of time aside to work on herself. I told her that I'm not going to stand in her way nor walk away because of it. I guess I'll just ask her about it next time I see her.

    Also, what is ASD?
     
  10. giz

    giz Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2004
    Messages:
    15,634
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    salt lake
    anti slut defense. I wish I didn't know that :rofl:

    I think you're in the clear man. don't stress it. I know a lot of people (men and women) will hold off sleeping with somebody they are genuinely interested in.
     
  11. Zourn

    Zourn 16-bit Ninja OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2002
    Messages:
    2,354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Second date:
    Went well, Olive Garden (glad I could get reservations on such a short notice!), We talked about random dinner talk stuff, I ended up making her unleash the inner nerd she was holding back, so that was fun.
    We walked around outside and did some deeper talk afterward, where she was saying that she wants to stop jumping into relationships, and she really wants to get to know me on a deeper level. That she wants to work on her life.
    Then she decided that she should come over a cook me a home-cooked meal tomorrow, since I paid for the date.
    So she wants to date me but she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me yet?
    Should I just take the fact that she wants to go on dates with me as a vested interest and be patient?
    BTW, I'm not just being hopeful calling them dates, she calls them that too.
     
  12. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    Yeah, be patient. It sounds like things are actually going well for you at this point.

    My guess is that by "I want to stop jumping into relationships" she actually means "I want to stop jumping straight into bed with a guy without getting to know him first." Personally I'd say this could be good, could be bad. Have you done anything physical AT ALL with her yet (even just kisses/making out)?

    As long as you make clear the physical side of the relationship in some manner then waiting a bit for it to escalate sexually is fine. Actually since you'll be with her at your place tomorrow, that would be the perfect opportunity to bring that up in conversation and/or make your move to initiate contact in at least some way. Again, I'd just feel it out and see how things go.

    Oh, and IBOliveGardenEffect :mamoru:
     
    Last edited: Oct 15, 2009
  13. Zourn

    Zourn 16-bit Ninja OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2002
    Messages:
    2,354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Physically, not very much, the first date had two kisses, first being on my cheek. lot of hand holding, and walking arm in arm where she held me close.
    Tonight there wasn't much contact, hello/goodbye hugs, and we held hands during parts of the serious talk.
    Before the first real date, we had hung out before, and I made a move to kiss her at the end, and it was too early. Kind of freaked her out, but we talked about that tonight.
    I told her that I realize that I may be more physical about how I feel, and that she shouldn't feel weird about telling me to stop. She said that she's not ready and that she would let me now when the boundaries shifted, and most likely by initiating the things she felt comfortable with, she said that she doesn't want to keep me guessing.
     
  14. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

    Joined:
    May 14, 2005
    Messages:
    15,613
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    San Francisco
    wow she really is taking it slow.
    i would have thought she would have for sure given you at least a short makeout after that 2nd date.
     
  15. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2007
    Messages:
    30,849
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rhode Island
    .
     
  16. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    :werd:

    At least it's been somewhat addressed; but I'd say if it still is bugging you at all you should let her know.

    I'd be a little curious to know a bit about her history with relationships; if she's had some bad experiences or been hurt really bad/has baggage it would be good for you to know/understand that. It might factor into your deciding whether or not to stick with it or not.

    However I'll say again, it sounds like you're not doing too bad so far.
     
  17. Joshua

    Joshua ambition over everything OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2007
    Messages:
    7,934
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Seattle, Washington, USA
    She is obviously very into you but there is baggage somewhere you don't know about and a lot of it. It'll come out, you just have to decide whether or not you're willing to work through it. Sounds like she has had a rocky past at some point and you're like prince charming. Keep in mind that'll be a battle at some point too more than likely, where she'll be like "is he always gonna be this nice" or something like "why is he being this nice, what is his intent?" etc. If you dig her, be patient, it'll all come together. It is very odd though that she is stand off-ish on kissing you and not on holding hands. Generally, I've found (I'm sure the girls will probably say I'm full of shit here) in this sort of scenario, holding hands means more than a kiss. So that sorta throws me off. But hey, all girls are different. Maybe she has that 10 day rule and after that turns into the nastiest of nasty girls. Bonus. Scoreboard!
     
  18. Zourn

    Zourn 16-bit Ninja OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2002
    Messages:
    2,354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    The baggage issue has come up before, it seems that, at least in her mind, every guy she's been with started sleeping with her friends before breaking up with her. She's probably got more baggage that I don't know about yet, but so far I'm not skurred.

    Not just the holding hands part, but the cuddling/sleeping together before kissing as well.
     
  19. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2002
    Messages:
    15,741
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wellington, Florida Bitches!
    Christ.
    Just take it slow, man. Why you gotta jump her bones already?


    That is awesome man. Be patient. You like her so put the time in and enjoy the time with her.
     
  20. LudaMan

    LudaMan Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2004
    Messages:
    1,490
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    West Des Moines, IA
    Just because she's taking it slow doesn't mean she's friendzoning you. Her wanting to come cook you dinner shows huge interest IMO.

    Good luck dude
     
  21. Kuet

    Kuet New Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2006
    Messages:
    9,690
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hong Kong

    :werd:

    I dont know what you are confused about- i would be stoked if that happened on a first date with a girl i genuinely liked.
     
  22. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2002
    Messages:
    15,741
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wellington, Florida Bitches!
    :werd:
     
  23. Zourn

    Zourn 16-bit Ninja OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2002
    Messages:
    2,354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    For those keeping track at home, home-made dinner was steak and baked potatoes, followed by movie time, followed by the sex time.
    Seemed like neither of us remembered how to be good at sex, so that was kinda awkward, but it was fun.
     
  24. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

    Joined:
    May 14, 2005
    Messages:
    15,613
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    San Francisco
    nice.
     
  25. LudaMan

    LudaMan Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2004
    Messages:
    1,490
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    West Des Moines, IA
    Steak and potatoes cooked for you + sex = good night in my book.
     

Share This Page