SRS First post in this forum: some advice needed

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by UCFGavin, Jul 6, 2005.

  1. UCFGavin

    UCFGavin Active Member

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    I've really been thinking a lot about this lately, and I've come to the conclusion that I think its about time to give up on my search for "the girl like me". I was really hoping to find a girl that enjoyed having a good time, but didn't have to drink(drinking isn't a huge concern, but I don't do it, and I don't care to be around it all the time). She was also saving herself not necessarily for marriage but for someone they felt they could or would marry.

    Any girl that I have found that was like this was so into her faith that she didn't want any kind of relationship, just a relationship with Jesus or whatever. That is all fine, but you can't have a long term relationship with the guy and possibly end up marrying him. The other side of the coin are the girls that seem to have no morals (in my perspective). They drink and have sex with random guys, which is a huge turnoff.

    Because of this situation I have been on very few dates and really only ever had one girlfriend. I always thought there would be a girl out there for me, but I'm starting to believe this less and less. I feel like by having the standards that I do I miss out on a lot.

    I don't have a lack of meeting girls. I meet a ton through my fraternity (not always the best quality :hs: ), and I'm not shy. I just feel like every time I think i may have found something good, i end up getting disappointed. I am not depressed or anything, I have a wonderful life. Great friends, great family, lot of things going for me, I just miss out on something I feel like I deserve.

    So what do you guys think? Should I just throw my morals out the window or at least severely lower them? I don't even know how to phrase this question, it just seems like there are no good girls out there left for me to try and pursue :hs:
     
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I think your new criteria for picking girls should be: do I like them, am I attracted to them. Do I feel comfortable around them. Do I trust them. Do they make me smile and laugh.

    More of that, and less of their moral stance on this or that.
    If being with them feels "right" then do it, even if they are or aren't your "type" of girl.

    You're far more likely to meet the right girl that way, than going into it with a huge list of entrance criteria, some of which may steer you to a girl that looks good on paper, but ends up to be somewhat incompatible.

    You sound like you've experienced this firsthand. And many times, unfortunately.

    Keep your chin up. The great thing about girls is...there are so darned many of them. Several million, all around you.
     
  3. We're in the same boat my friend. Being a Christian, but not being a frigid-saint -- it's very hard to find a relationship with someone who is on equal footing, but it's out there. You'll eventually get there. You're a Christian, so pray! You know God won't back down on something like this as long as it's good for you.

    As far as practical advice: I just heard someone tell me the other day that I shouldn't worry about getting into a relationship ever because Paul said marriage is for the weak. Imagine that? So I can get into a relationship if I want, but I have to walk around with the label of being "weak" over me? Interesting!

    Wow, with all this Gay-Marriage talk, shouldn't the Right be attacking both sides then? One side is an abomination, and the other is weak! *LOL*
     
  4. AQT4u2NV

    AQT4u2NV Guest

    As far as throwing your morals out the window, it depends on what you want out of the relationship. If you want someone just to hook up with and have a good time, sure..go for it. If you want something serious and want to find someone you can settle down with, then hold on to your morals. You don't want to compromise the things you believe in just to be wild for a little while.

    On a side note..I have a single friend in Orlando...who is 19...doesn't drink...goes to Church, but not overly Churchy...hmmm
     
  5. UCFGavin

    UCFGavin Active Member

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    well the only real requirements i have is that they don't drink a ton, no smoking, and no sex with tons of guys. I can live with the rest.

    I do like the idea though of just going on what feels comfortable. There were a couple girls that I felt pretty comfortable with but I ended up cutting it off just because I wasn't a big fan of their activities (probably for the best though :rofl: ) I'm definitely gonna give it a shot :bigthumb:
     
  6. UCFGavin

    UCFGavin Active Member

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    thanks MB, you always bring a good level head to the table. I was praying about it for a while, but I never seem to get any answers :sad2: Maybe I was just looking at it the wrong way. I'll give it another chance and go from there.

    what was the premise for paul calling marriage for the weak? I don't remember ever reading that, but it sounds pretty interesting :rofl:
     
  7. UCFGavin

    UCFGavin Active Member

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    i definitely don't want just someone to hook up, but it seems like there is nobody left out there that wants more than that :hs:

    and I'm usually not a big fan of matchmakers, considering those things never seem to go right :rofl: does your friend go to school down here or something?
     
  8. You must remember that it's God's will which is at work, not yours. The reason you feel no answers are coming is because you don't realize that in not receiving an answer, you have! Remember? Yes, No, Wait? God is saying "Wait." Don't you hear him? I've heard the same thing, but of course in my rebellion I keep trying to find someone, and so end up meeting only dead ends!

    Paul basically said that spiritual work in Christ is of the highest importance and that relationships [Marriage specifically] can deflect us from devoting all our time to God rather than our partner. Paul didn't probably intend to belittle those who choose marriage though. But he did place them in a grouping that implies they are not as strong as those who can "go without' marriage while doing the will of God.

    Paul had immense respect for family, relationships and physical intimacy. But some of his comments were borderline insulting to many people, and it's been that way since he wrote the letter to the Corinthians. I think Paul, if you really read everything he's saying -- is sound in his reasoning, and that the words he chose were intended to arouse thought. Afterall, if he's speaking the word of God - his word has serious meaning. I believe it forces introspection regarding our reasoning for seeking out relationships and wanting to get married, not necessarily that we're weak for "choosing" marriage.
     
  9. AQT4u2NV

    AQT4u2NV Guest

    There are people out there that want more than that though. Don't compromise what you want and believe in. If you do so, you will never be happy. Satisfied, maybe..content, no. You are still young, don't be in such a hurry to find someone.

    She just finished up her first year at SCC, she is working on getting her AA in Interior Design. Grew up in the Orlando/UCF area, the reason she went to SCC is because she got a full scholarship.
     
  10. awwwdreyawww

    awwwdreyawww New Member

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    Ya know, I'm glad I read this. I went from being in the position that you're in now, to finding myself skipping church more often, drinking and meeting "men" that I thought I would make me happy. It's been months since then and I'm hating myself for it. Because you're a guy, it would be a little different. However, the fact of the matter is, once you compromise your belief system for the sake of impatience, it's possible to feel more empty than you ever have before. I suggest you stick to your guns, because when you find a good girl, she's gonna be worth it. The only good thing I've learned is that being more confident and social makes a world of difference.. put yourself out there and talk to more of them... it sort of hurries the process along. Best of luck.. errr faith. :)
     
  11. UCFGavin

    UCFGavin Active Member

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    thanks a lot guys, this thread really helped me out a lot. I love you all :love: MB, i should hit you up on AIM again sometime. I haven't talked to you in a while.
     
  12. Sure, I'm around bro. :wavey: :cool:
     
  13. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    The more you want in life the more troubles/depression you get :hs:
     

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