SRS First asylum post...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by CaminoReal, Sep 12, 2008.

  1. CaminoReal

    CaminoReal Custom User Title

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    I have always prided myself in being a great listener and someone that the people around me can come and talk to about anything... and still do. But, sometimes even the listeners need to let it out sometimes. Right?

    Wow, where to begin. I think I've always had trouble forming deep relationships. Once they're initiated, everything is great... both sides are completely honest and most, if not all, barriers are broken and communication is unobstructed (what I would think of as healthy, natural relationships). The problem for me is starting those kinds of bonds. I'm an introvert to begin with, which doesn't fare well in this society I've come to realize, and my past is riddled with people bailing out on me in different ways (mainly the important females in my life). I think this has calloused me to a certain degree. It's not that I don't want to have intimate relationships with people, quite the opposite, but I think in the back of my mind somewhere I'm afraid of getting hurt again. I mean, it's almost come to be predictable in my life, which is pretty sad. Of course past experiences dictate how you are going to feel about a new event/situation, but I try to start on a clean slate with each and every person I come into contact with. It's hard, though, with a perfect record of being hurt by every woman in my life. And now, as an adult, I can clearly see that most women are attracted to wealth, status, and power, which I think makes it easier to lump all women into this "whore" category (for lack of a better term).

    I ended that paragraph with women, but I think that's only a part of a bigger problem I have with trust. I guess recent female problems popped up in my mind and skewed it in that direction.

    I'm not sure what I wanted/expected to hear from this post... I'm a relatively normal adult with a functioning mind who knows what needs to be done to correct most of my problems. I guess I just wanted to get it out in a tangible form...

    :hsd:
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I guess that the only thing you learn from being introverted is that you need to be extraverted.

    This doesn't have to be a disadvantage, as you can use humor to open up to people.

    I think you need to understand that every woman wants a future, if you cant provide them a decent future then there's no reason for them to be with you, afteral in evolutionairy terms its all about reproducing,

    a requirement for that is having a future. \do you have a future of wealth,status and power? If not i think you need to come to terms with the fact that if you dont desire to be lonely you will have to forfill these artificial needs of a woman or choose to be lonely.

    You arent opening up to people because you have been hurt in the past. You give your trust too soon and too often,while in reality trust should be earned.

    I think that you should accept human flaws to a certain degree , by lowering your standards it will be easier to get a partner, but not too low otherwhise you might invite something in you do not desire.

    Just make reasonable standards.

    So the first thing you do is to get your own life into proper order and once you've got a decent future ahead of you, there's sure to be a woman who's willing to join it.

    You know, its a bit of a double standard but the reality is crude and simple in this reproducing world, a decent future is for a woman simular in what boobs,good looks, and a pussy is for a man. The men who can't provide a decent future are as easily discarded as men would do with ugly woman. Its a cruel world that is fixated on the continueation of its existance.
     
  3. ChaCha

    ChaCha Active Member

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    if there is anything that life has taught me

    history repeats itself
     
  4. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    What do you mean by women bailing you out? And I can tell you have a bit of psychological background with how you say things. You need to understand that relationships are a learning experience. You ARE NOT the only one who goes through troubles finding the right girl. You ARE going to get hurt. It's a learning experience. Every relationship better prepares you for the next one and you learn from yours and others mistakes. You will begin to see the type of partner you do and don't want. And an analogy I used in another post, finding the right person is like finding the right pair of jeans, some don't fit, some are too loose, to high, too tight, whatever, but it takes you awhile to try on all these pairs of jeans to finally find your "aha! these are the perfect ones!" and when you do get there, you are glad you did, because they are wonderful, fit great, and make you feel awesome.

    And also, if it were not for the lows in life, the highs would not seem as awesome and wonderful. You have to get out there, make mistakes, and go through both the highs and lows. It comes with life. :)

    And also, I don't know what girls you are wanting to attract, but if they are the ones that you are now labeling as "whores" then you are trying to attract the wrong ones. Take a look at why you like this type of girl, and why you are not looking for another type of girl. Because not all girls are looking just for wealth, status and power.


    People can't change from introversion to extroversion. It's who they are as a person. It's not a big deal that he is an introvert. It's who he is, it's his personality. There IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. In today's society we have realized that there are both, and its not a big deal. He will end up finding someone who meshes with his personality.

    And I think you are full of shit telling him that he needs to fulfill the wealth and power deal before being able to get a women. :rolleyes:That is absolutely ridiculous! Be who you are, not someone you want to be and is fake. And again. NOT ALL GIRLS ARE OUT FOR YOUR MONEY.

    And he doesn't need to lower his standards either. He is getting women. The problem is he seems to be looking for the wrong kind, whether he is truly wanting them, or they are what society deems as what he should want. (based on the little info you have told us) The only thing he needs to do it reevaluate the type of girl he wants. When looking for an SO, you shouldn't settle, or it will end up making you unhappy.
     
  5. Mideel25

    Mideel25 OT Supporter

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    I agree with this; I have come to accept and embrace myself as an introvert. I too think it is a waste of time, and quite silly to try and "change to being extroverted". You cannot change the way your brain is wired and you will be absolutely miserable trying to fight your personality 24/7. Just accept who you are and stand up for yourself. This also doesn't necessarily mean you have to find another person exactly like you (ie introverted) but rather someone who accepts you for who you really are regardless of their personality type. :)
     
  6. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    Good for you. I'm taking a class on this, and its part of your personality, its what makes up you. And I didn't say find some exactly like you, I said find someone who MESHES with you. Because its like a big spectrum, and you could be extreme on one end of it, or slightly in the middle, with little bits of both.

    Just get out there and date around, and know that everyone goes through heartache and a bunch of shit to find the good one. But when you do, its really awesome.
     
  7. CaminoReal

    CaminoReal Custom User Title

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    One of the hardest things for me to do, but I definitely try... initiating conversation and stuff like that. It's a continual process, though. I'll probably be working on it until the day I die.

    agreed

    Again, I agree with you. I have an evolutionary mindset when it comes to how and why people act the way they do. If you're not high in reproductive attractiveness, you have to lower your standards.

    definitely...

    I think my standards are a little higher than some, but it'll be hard for me to lower them. I think fairly highly of myself (not in a narcissistic way) and for me to lower those standards means I'm settling for something less than my best.

    I think the first part of this is something I need to focus more on. I'm young (23) and I should probably be worrying more about myself and my future than trying to integrate someone else into my life.
     
  8. CaminoReal

    CaminoReal Custom User Title

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    I think you're right... which is a little upsetting.
     
  9. CaminoReal

    CaminoReal Custom User Title

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    I'll try to make this concise. My grandmother who was basically my mother when I was young died of respiratory problems. My birth mother lost custody of me when after that and has been in and out of jail/drug binges my entire life. The longest relationship I've had (~3 years with a girl I adored in high school) was ended due to her cheating. A year and a half ago I totally clicked with this chick on all levels... saw her for a few months and she lets me know that she has herpes. I got over it, but I'm not sure I can rekindle a relationship that started off with a huge lie.

    :bigthumb: B.S. in Psychology

    Understandable... I guess I just need to stay in the fitting room a little while longer, so to speak.

    Totally agree. I've just been in a relatively long stretch of low so it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, you know?

    You wouldn't say that MOST girls are looking for men of higher status? I've taken a couple evolutionary psych classes and it seems to make sense... higher status brings more resources and stability which ensures that a woman's children are going to be raised in a good environment. I know intelligence/humor/good looks play a part, but there have even been studies to show that status is the number one thing women look for in a man. To me it justifies why ugly douchebags can land the hottest women as long as they are well off financially. Anyway, I don't entirely disagree with your point... I just think those women are few and far between.




    :hs: I wish everyone thought the same.

    See above... but I see what you're saying. And no, I won't be changing who I am for anyone else. I'll live a life of solitude before I sell out on myself and try to conform to other's conceived norms and perceptions.

    100% agree
     
  10. CaminoReal

    CaminoReal Custom User Title

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    While I don't think I (or anyone else for that matter) could completely change their personality type, I do think you can make small steps in the other direction if you try. Like I said before, I try everyday to be a little more extroverted. Insanely hard to do, but I figure that I should at least try.

    Not that I'm knocking being an introvert... I love who I am and I wouldn't change it for the world.

    Introverts unite! :bigthumb:
     
  11. CaminoReal

    CaminoReal Custom User Title

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    ...and thanks for the thoughts/ideas/opinions guys, it means a lot.
     
  12. Mr. Kitty Litter

    Mr. Kitty Litter OT Supporter

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    Did you stay with her?
     

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