FRK finding out g/f's limits

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by themolsen, Jan 22, 2009.

  1. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    my g/f and I have been together for 2+ months...everything is AWESOME. IN bed and OUT of bed. we're definitely falling for each other..blah blah blah. here's the meat:

    she is VERY sexual and loves to "get it" hard lol. she likes it a bit rough...hands held down, some spanking, and told me the other day she likes to be "slapped around a bit"

    so, for valentine's day, I want to plan something (a surprise) a little bit kinky/bondage-ish. I was looking at some wrist restraints that go over the door... like these: http://www.mylovemachine.com/prod/SS32402-deluxe-door-jam-cuffs.html so I can hold her against the door (she loves that stuff!) I'm thinking of also getting a little paddle or something for some spanking.

    what else? how should I go about finding out what her limits are before then without totally spoiling the surprise?

    we went to an adult toy store this weekend for fun and bought a porno and a toy for me to use on her....and I tried to get her reaction on some of the restraint stuff but it was tough to tell if she was really into it or not. perhaps she doesn't even know what she's into?
     
    Last edited: Jan 22, 2009
  2. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    Some things... like the restraints, you can "surprise" her with and not worry too much (meaning, if you use them and she doesn't like them you do not risk any physical harm to her).

    I will let someone with more experience speak about paddles, crops or the like. I just hesitate to spend large sums of money for toys that might not be used again but they may have a recommendation for something that lets the user be precise in adjusting the pain levels. :wavey:

    Maybe Lovely or PE, I am not sure who is around the most these days. :)
     
  3. Drilldo

    Drilldo Active Member

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    In my experience it's better to talk about it first and make sure she's comfortable with it. One thing I didn't realize was that women feel physically vulnerable most of the time (at least mine does) but as a bigger guy I rarely (if ever) do. I know that sounds elementary but it just never occurred to me prior to delving into bondage with her. It was crucial that she feel comfortable with me and above all trust me. I even showed her the knots I planned to use, how I planned to tie her up and kept a large pair of safety scissors nearby in case I couldn't get one of the knots undone (I never tied anything tight enough to cut off circulation but it was for her peace of mind). We started slow and worked our way up as our confidence and trust grew and even though we never did anything approaching a hardcore bdsm scene, we always have a safe word just in case. I'm not saying she doesn't trust you, I'm just saying you might be surprised what's going through her head, I know I was.
     
  4. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    I gotcha. She's the one that came to ME with the interest in "roughing it up" but yea, I don't know exactly what she has in mind. It's kind of new to me, though, so I definitely don't think I'd go overboard.

    I suppose it would be best to talk to her about it beforehand...or at least before I plop down a bunch of money on stuff

    Thanks
     
  5. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    I will expand more later, but go to a horse store and buy a riding crop. Very cheap and works well.

    I would say in the time leading up to the event, pull her hair, scratch her back, see what her response is. Try taking a sock and tying her wrists together (cheap way to see if she likes bondage) or tell her to put them behind her back and not move them...or she gets punished.

    If she is riding you, or you are in doggy, smack her ass and see how she reacts.....you could smack her and say 'you like that don't you!' and gauge how she responds.

    There are ways to talk about it without talking about it. What I have said above is sort of talking about it. You try little things here and there and see what works for her. I think the key with Valentines is not that you are necessarily going to do anything new, but rather the thrill of doing a bunch of things at once and you being in control of everything. I think you will be fine...just over the next month try different things here and there and see how she reacts.

    Hell, smack her ass as you walk by her at some point or if she does something 'wrong' or 'naughty' say 'oh, someone is going to have to be spanked for that' and put her over your knee if she smiles at that. Start with the pants/underwear on and go from there.

    It should be noted though that all 'hitting' devices feel completely different. Some have a wallop, a thud, a sting, etc. So, just because she does not like the hand, does not mean she would not like a crop, cane or flogger. For a light, more fun spanking that will allow you to go for a while and probably feels good is put a sock over your hand and spank her. It will be a soft feel and won't sting, but she will still get the thrill of getting hit :)

    :mamoru: I guess I got excited and carried away and expanded now :p
     
  6. Toxica

    Toxica New Member

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    I kind of like that idea. I want my man to do that. :mamoru:
     
  7. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    You need a fairly dominant person. It is funny, I am with a girl now that I am 'switching' with but in reality, I am just topping from the bottom in many regards.

    But if you are dominant enough you can get them to do stuff even when they know punishment is coming. She was laying there one night and was in trouble and I told her to put her hands on her head and do not let go of her hair. At that point she knew she was going to be tickled and begged me not to. I told her that if she removed her hands from her head that it would be worse.

    That is a punishment version, but you can do it for pleasure as well.

    A lot of time, dominance is fun when it is mental. By that I mean, you tell them that they can not speak, but you do not gag them or anything like that. Additionally, out of the blue, you talk to them or ask them a question. This means that they have to remember not to speak instead of something preventing them. Has a greater impact.

    LOL you can ask them questions too when they are not allowed to talk and say 'I will take your silence as you being okay with things' (when you know they are not). Fun to look at the panic on their face because they want to say no, but can not talk and theoretically they could say it, but know that IF they talk, the alternative is not good.

    Then, of course, if they listen, you have to reward them...or else there will be no reason for them to follow the rules :mamoru:

    I could go on, but I will leave it here for now.
     
  8. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    kick ass advice. thanks
     
  9. razi

    razi New Member

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    over the door restraints are cool and all but if you start paddling her and her legs go limp, that'll put a lot of pressure on her wrists.

    go to wal mart, buy some 1/2" to 5/8" nylon rope. make sure it's soft. cut it into 10' and 20' lengths. learn a few basic knots, and there you go. it'll cost you like, $6.

    as for impact play, obviously start with your hand. use a doubled over belt. get a cheap pingpong paddle ($2 at wally world), pull the rubber off and attack it with sandpaper until it's super smooth and won't give splinters.

    to help you out, have her use a safeword. that way she can "ow!" and "ouch!" and cry all she wants. I know for me it's initially tough to get over that nurture instinct of taking care of people when they're hurting, and a safeword helps with that. let's me know she can still take more.

    +1 on the mental dominance part. it's all a mindgame. make 'em not talk. when you're having sex, tell her to look into your eyes and not look away. "Cry." is a good command sometimes too. :p
     
  10. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    Great suggestions Razi. To echo his comments, most sex toys or items can easily be made for a lot less. The more I have gotten into rope, the more I LOVE it as can be used for so much (gags, blindfolds, collars, gauntlets, cuffs, swings, etc.).


    All very fun :naughty:. I will have to modify a few of my things and start incorporating some more of this stuff (the eye thing I like).

    I agree that it can be difficult to beat your partner. It was challenging the first time I REALLY got into it with Lovely. This was my wife and someone that was/is an equal to me and putting her in that position and beating her took a lot of work on my part.
     

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