SRS Finding a reason to go on

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Ford4Life, Jul 1, 2008.

  1. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    I am wondering how some of you find a reason to keep going on, because I'm having a hard time finding one. I'm 26 years old, and I still live at home. The reason is my father passed away from a heart attack about a year and half ago, my mom has medical problems and would probably struggle on her own, if she was even able to live alone. I didn't move out earlier because was career was just getting started, I couldn't afford it, and my dad was a major alcoholic that was abusive to my mom. I never felt comfortable leaving her there with that.

    Aside from that, I have no family to speak of. I'm an only child, my mom hasn't spoken with her family in years because of a family squabble, and I've never been close with my dad's family, even when he was alive. I don't have any friends, most are just casual friends at best. Not married, no girlfriend, no kids. I do have a fulltime job in the finance/accounting field, make ok money, nothing great. I have feelings for a woman I know, but she is in a very long term relationship, and views me as just a friend. It's hard to meet other women, because of my living situation.

    The last couple months, I just feel like packing it in and eating a bullet. My whole life feels empty, and I have no real reason to keep on going. I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel anymore, and if this is all that is left, then I want out.
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Not meeting other women because of your living situation is a copout. If you are comfortable with your situation you should have no issues meeting and wooing women.

    Sounds like you aren't actually trying anything new, just being pessimistic about your life and situation and wondering why nothing is changing on its own. Friends and lovers don't just fall into your lap.
     
  3. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    I have been saving for a house, but I'm not sure it's going to be possible given my mom's medical issues. Even if I am ok with it (which I'm not sure that I am) most women my age are not ok with it. :hs:
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well what are you basing that off of? How many girls have you dated or told that you live at home (for your obvious understandable reason) and had them tell you that was unattractive or leave you because of it?

    Or are you just assuming?
     
  5. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Not assuming it. Had a couple dump me because of it. Has pretty much made me stop trying, because I know what is going to happen eventually.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    How many girls? And how long did you date?

    You actually explained the whole reason and they dumped you just for that? How did they explain it?
     
  7. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    3 total. The longest was about a year. Yes I explained why, and was told they couldn't get over it, and they didn't like the fact they couldn't come and go from the house and that I wasn't alone here.
     
  8. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    at your mom's house. be back later.
    Ford! I've been thinking about you a lot in the past year and a 1/2... wondering what happened with you and your then gf and the car you gave her.. then when your dad passed away..

    I'm sorry life seems to have flipped you over and dropped you on your head. Life seems to be going so well and then bam! Nothing is like it once was. And that is some serious bullshit to deal with. :hug:

    I can't give you a reason as to why you should go on. I think everyone's reason is different. But I do know that you were once happy and excited about the possibilities the future held for you- and I think you can find your way back to happy. Have faith! And if the best you can do some days is put one foot in front of the other and trudge on, then so be it. But don't give up. Not yet. Even the shitty times don't last forever.

    My prayers are with you and your family Ford. :hs: Hang in there, Ace.
     
  9. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Well going by experience i know that alcohol can destroy 'generations' and its negative effect goes down onto children, and maby as far or further then 4 generations down the line in terms of damage that it does, and that's not overexaggerated. What is left is this huge black hole off negativity and a trail of carnage that the alcoholic has left into his/her family.

    So what to do?

    Your father is dead, so the person who caused the abuse and negativity is no longer there.Knowing that negativity leads to nowhere, and with no more negativity being put into the situation,( but still being left with the traces of disaster),you can do two things, cry over the ruins or start rebuilding your life, i advice you to rebuild the ruins and start cleaning up your life.

    Is there anyway you can end the quarrel your mom has with the rest of the family? What is it about anyway>?

    Second you need to set some goals in your life that will make your life go forward. So far you only had a godawfull wrong example of that father of your who's alcohol abuse only made his life go around in circles, it made his life go nowhere, so you need to steer clear from that and do things that bring you to somewhere, namely things that give a better life for you and your mom. Establishing new contact between the family and you two would therefore be nice as it would increase social contact.

    Now for social contacts one would usually suggest to goto clubs n bars, but seeing how prone your dad was to alcohol id suggest to steer away from alcohol in total as you might be prone as wel to addiction that you'd never be able to release yourself from, and that would be the last thing desirable.

    What is your hobby? I know chess or computerclub might sound a little cheesy, but if you could goto one you could at least increase your social contact a bit, even if it was just a bit its better then nothing.

    Social contacts are a continues investment of time/effort and you must see how much you are willing to spend on it, in order to gain the contacts that you require. Maby there are also places that you could bring your mom along too, although i do not know how serious her condition is, if its still do-able to go outside and take her to certain places, even if it was just for a park stroll. Id give it a go, as it would give her as wel as you a nice breather going outside, instead of staying inside too long.

    Hang on ,even tho its hard. :hug:
     
  10. Saluki

    Saluki New Member

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    That wouldn't help your mom much. If you've even thought about that why not move out and try to help your mom as much as you can...better than leaving her with no one right?
     
  11. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Yes, my life has pretty much done to complete dog shit. :hs: The gf I gave the car to, she's 8 months pregnant. Turns out, she was fucking some guy she works with, baby could be mine, might not be. I don't know, and neither does she. She seems pretty intent on making sure it's the other guys though, we no longer speak at all.

    I don't drink, at all. After living a life of complete hell for the first 24 years of my life, thanks to an alcoholic, I have zero interest in drinking. I know it sounds fucked up, buy in many ways my dad's passing gave me a chance to be free, and a shot at a normal life. On the other hand, it's also caused a very large responsibility to be placed on my shoulders (my mom). My mom has advanced diabetes, she can't drive anymore because it's caused major vision problems, and she has trouble walking distances more than a 6-10 feet at a time because of the circulation problems it caused. She can't even walk though a store, for example, without having to sit multiple times. There has been several instances where she has collapsed at home, while I was there, and once while I was at work. That is the reason I doubt living on her own would be possible.
     

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