SRS Finding a girl in a club, is it possible?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by deception23, Jun 1, 2005.

  1. deception23

    deception23 New Member

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    I'm sure there might have been posts like this in the past but maybe some people can add some new opinions or insight on this cause it's been bugging me some, lol.

    Haven't really ever been into the clubbing scene until just recently - Mainly because I had no exposure to females outside of a 'club' - Not going to school right now and been employed at the same place for awhile now where there are no young females. So I started going out with my friends every weekend, sometimes during the week. I can't seem to figure out the club etiquette (if you can call it that lol).

    It seems to me most girls are there with their female friends and regardless of your personal looks will turn you down as soon as you showed any interest in them. So I backed off on initiating - but now that I have done that it's hard reading signs.. What are some of the things girls like to do to grab a guys attention in a club? I have had a girl or two slide infront of me at the bar (with plenty of room around) and slightly elbow me as to grab my attention..

    I noticed right away when I switched my attitude from finding a girl to just having a fun with friends that I felt more interest or attention from the girls but it's still in the back of my head to hook up with some1 and I can't seem to do it, lol.

    Dancing always works for me but nothing comes out of that either, I know it aint just me cause I hear of tons of guys that don't look or act like losers complaining about the same.. this situation is extremely frustrating to me cause at least for this period where im not going to school I can't seem to find a girl worth shit.. n the ones I do run into @ clubs r just hos to begin with, which isn't what I want..



    So basically, my question is..

    What are some alternatives to clubs for girls?
    Ladies, what are some of the things you do if a guy catches ur eye in one and u want him to know?
    I'm just basically tired of initiating the contact and getting turned down - and I'm not bad looking ^_^ I just don't think it comes natural to me, so..

    I seem to think the ratio of a single guy and a single girl walking into a club and hooking up with no assistance from friends or a friend of a friend is realllllly slim.. or just hard, if u do happen to get a number it's a whole other game after that.. blah
     
  2. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    imo, TERRIBLE idea.

    I meet girls in class, friends of friends etc... and I take them to clubs for teh win :bigthumb:

    truth is, clubs are terribly places to meet women. I have hookups here in SoCal at the clubs so I get tables, VIP etc and don't bother meeting women despite that, I could have bitches flock with bottle of bacardi and grey goose on my table but i'd rather bring a good female friend with me.
     
  3. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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  4. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    FIrst of all... it depends on the bar. You can actually meet dateable girls at bars. But they'll be at the "counter-culture trendy" low key bars, and not the "up-scale trendy," pick-up bars.

    Generally, you are meeting people for sex, while drunk. Thats the bottom line. Me? I got pretty good at this, at one point. At meeting them, that is, and then finding myslf alone with them somewhere, completely hammered... but the sex, while drunk, I was not good at. Can't have, in fact, half the time. My penis falls asleep after a six pack. Fucking lightweight :) This got real old. Nevermind that I had one real intense, real emotional, fling with a girl that picked ME up from a bar-stool, most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, and took me to her room and had her way with me, stayed for two days together, flew to her city to see her in a couple weeks... but how could anything come of it? There is no FILTERING process at a bar. "Whoah, this person isn't right for me because..." None of that. So despite any emotional connection you make while raw and drunk and naked... its still probably not gonna work out. Worst case you don't get it up, or do and get an STD. Best case, you feel a deep and meaningful connection to... someone you don't know, and shortly won't ever see again. Not a win-win there, is it? Not for long term happiness.

    So I quit doing this. I've turned down such drunken offers since. Thats why I haven't fucked for 7 months. You heard me, 7 months. The lognest stretch of my sexually active life. But I remember how the last girl, in Vancouver, made me feel great again, like you could connect with someone... I remembered what intimacy was. But who was I kidding, I knew we were usinge each other for just one night. Thats what it means when you get picked up in a bar. So despite feeling elated for a few days... I felt empty thereafter. I used to think that I could squirt the "naturally monogamous me," out, with repeated thrusts into strange vaginas. Now I realize that I'm kidding myself, and so I've settled into being "alone," until I find someone I can care about. Thats actually better, for me. I think. I am real fucking horny, so maybe semen has filled up my brain cavity.

    Anyway your energies are better channeled through meeting girls through common friends and interests, on the street, in line to a play, at a coffee shop, at lunch, at a hockey game, in the park, wherever. Bars are mostly, and not always, but mostly places where you will meet people out to use people. It all depends. No matter what, I can assure you that there are more productive places to spend your time seeking hoes.

    Its also a good place to become an alcoholic trying to "loosen up," to talk to girls.
     
  5. Nismotic

    Nismotic Swat came into my house...disrespected my family..

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    Pick up a girl anywhere BUT a club. If you're trying to fuck, then its ok.
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Damn, that's the Peyomp I remember. Ripping good prose at ya since 2004.
     
  7. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    see i don't meet girls purely for sex.. i like to become friends and develop real relationships... bars are fine for that (the middle-aged MIFLs are perfect, revvin hot and horny) but i go take my girls out for entertainment and to impress them :)
     
  8. KarmaPolice

    KarmaPolice Active Member

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    You sir have it figured out, i've kinda been edging toward this conclusion/philosophy for the last 5 months (close to your 7)... and i think what you've put down in words here is an awesome way to sum up how things are in my head...

    my question then becomes, how do you approach a girl in the park or at a coffee shop without seeming like a horny bastard trying to hit on them, i think if there is anything i am afraid of when approaching women, it isn't the idea of being rejected, but rather the idea of being "seen" as a "typical guy" (horny, looking for sex, wanting the hottest girl in the room)...

    how do you go about finding a woman in these circumstances without seeming like what i mentioned above about the "typical guy"


    female opinions welcome as well
     
  9. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    I'm going to roughly paraphrase from the Book of the Subgenius here, because Bob Dobbs was the first one to explain this to me, although I didn't have enough experience at the time to understand: GIVE UP, AND YOU'LL GET LAID.

    Allow me to explain. How do you go up to girls and not be a horny bastard? By not being one. First of all, don't just go up to hot girls you want to meet in the park because you want to have sex with them. Go up to PEOPLE in the park, because you want to interact with them. They could be hot, they could be funny looking, but they interest you in some way, you embrace the outgoing, and you say something silly, make an observation, whatever. The opportunity will present itself. "OMG, your dog looks like Mousilini! What a good boy (fondles dog)." That could work, depending on the dog. Preferably he should look like Musilini, and not have mange.

    Anyway, you have to "let go," of your sexuality, of your fears. We're all sexual. The girl you want across the park knows it. She ain't wearing those short shorts just for comfort. We all advertise our sexuality, all the time, whenever a potential mate might even be in visual range. She knows you want to fuck her. EVERY GUY SHE MEETS wants to fuck her.

    So what? So don't think about fucking her. Think about her as a person. They eat that shit up. It shouldn't even be a gimmick, but if it has to be at first, so be it. It works. It does take a little practice, which is why I suggest you try it on girls you aren't particularly attracted to at first. DO NOT misrepresent attraction. Just engage them as people. Its a human, and not sexual connection, that you are trying to forge. You want sex within the context of this connection. Thats when its really good anyway, and feel very bad for anyone of adult age the doesn't know that yet. Some of your friends are undoubtedly this way. Good sex should be a religious experience.

    Bottom line: The less I think about sex, the more it seems to come my way, once I'm speaking to a female. Don't hide your sexuality, just don't think about it. There's nothing you can do. She either wants you physically, or not. Conversation is only gonna swing that a few percent either way. You're either forming a potential friendship, or a potential relationship... and if you're not thinking about sex, you'll be attuned to tell which is which, real soon.

    Now, if you're not particularly attractive, at first you might make a pack of girlf "friends" this way. But thats okay. Because they can give you more and better advice than my penis ever could. Whats more, going about it this way, "practicing," will give you more confidence... which will in turn make you more attractive.

    References: The Book of the Subgenius, Swingers, MTV's Dating Special, My So Called Life (Mine, not that show).
     
  10. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    I agree. MILFs can be an exception to the bar rule. But its often "damaged goods," and you have to know what you're getting into. Not for the novice.
     
  11. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    If sexual frustration leads to great art, then I'm fucking set as a writer. Cause I haven't had sex since the day before I met you. :eek4:
     
  12. chunky

    chunky frank and beans!

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    fear of dirty bar sluts is a path to the arranged marriage. :mamoru:
     
  13. johan

    johan Active Member

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    crap that was a long time ago. But I think your best work was not due to sexual frustration but back when the chemicals were invading your brain.
    Those were priceless rants of poetic genius.
     
  14. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    I don't look for guys in clubs, and I would think thrice about meeting a guy I'd met at a club. This is because 99% of guys talking to me in clubs are trying to get into my pants, and I don't care to have them there. I don't consider the club scene to be an accurate representation of "real life", if you know what I mean. It's a game that's played solely with appearances, more or less.

    The guys I've dated I met at school, work, or through friends. Take up a habit like trailrunning, stick to a schedule (even a loose one), and eventually you meet people who are doing the same things you are because you see them there often. Then you have common topic to discuss, and it isn't while you're drunk and horny or about being drunk or horny. :)
     
  15. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    I can't remember them.
     
  16. johan

    johan Active Member

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    most of them were on your blog.

    This song I'm listening to right now captures the flavor:
    Red eyed and fevered with the hum of the miles
    Distance and longing and my thoughts do collide
    Should I rest for a while and decide
     
  17. suprropmp

    suprropmp New Member

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    very interesting advice peyomp... it all sounds fine and dandy but how does one actually go about showing girls that i meet randomly that I'm not just interested in getting in their pants? I mean I'm naturally a horny person so I oftentimes flirt without even thinking about it and I think girls get the wrong idea about me.
     
  18. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I remember seeing a small picture of Bob Dobbs face tacked to the side of a telephone pole when I was like 14. It was a small picture, just an inch square with no text at all.

    Just Bob's smiling mug looking back at me for the first time. I had no idea what it was, but I knew it was odd and I've never forgotten it since.
     
  19. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    What am I supposed to say when I'm running? Just stop and say "so, do you come here often?" :mamoru:
     
  20. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    I think I've explained as much as I can. The rest takes practice. You engage them as people. There's nothing wrong with flirting... but if your goal is sex, you're out of luck more often than not, unless you're particularly attractive.
     
  21. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Someone gave me the book when I was 16. That and a mouthful of acid. Changd my life.
     
  22. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    that's fairly sound advice.. i usually work better with a wingman more than anything else. Girls do work in teams so to reach them, one must work with them on that level.

    clubs are often real loud and clusterfucks... too much going on to actually 'meet' someone. I mean, I have friends who found longterm boyfriends in some of the tackiest clubs in Tijuana, but either way, it's a REAL longshot.

    your best bet is to find a girl who actually likes to go out.. plan a small group event? couple of your friends and her friends, esp. if they're mutual.

    i took a girl out for her 21st birthday down here in san diego and she had fun. she felt uncomfortable being around so many people she didn't know, adding more creedance to the "team" thing (most of her friends are sub-21) but nonetheless, I had tons of my friends there who, guy or girl alike, tried to include her and make her feel welcome.

    I have free reign on the microphone when my friend's are spinning but I didn't want to embarass her :hs:

    I have met girls in clubs.. I invited a few upstairs to this VIP room/private party for my friend's b-day party (wild fucking night, lemme tell you), i got phone numbers and I called this one girl back just to say that I thought she was nice and all and that I had fun talking to her etc, but we never really hit it off either way...

    YMMV but at any rate... I don't find clubs adequate to meet people.. if you have connections and stuff it's one thing (girls love the fact they're in VIP rooms) but other than that... it's a lost cause.
     
  23. I have little to add: Just that I've met women everywhere. My main weapon today is both the internet and my ability to just say "How's it going, ............my name is Mike" to any woman I see.
     

  24. See my response above. Good women want "The typical" guy, not some jerk-off who falls over himself trying to impress them with his M3, and wallet.
     
  25. Exactly what I usually do, although I do it unconsciously now.
     

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