SRS finally seeing a pyschologist

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by skierd, Dec 14, 2008.

  1. skierd

    skierd Member

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    After lurking on here off and on for a few years, reading the stories of others and occasionally venting my own, I finally worked up the courage to make an appointment and started talking to a psychologist a few weeks ago through my college's counseling center. :hsd:

    I've tried changing my life around in order to feel better on my own, including losing a lot of weight in the last two years (down 60ish pounds so far), going back to school full-time this fall to finish a degree in something I kinda like this time, got a new job that I actually don't hate and even almost like some days (even if the pay is craptacular), finally got my motorcycle license and a bike (a goal I've had for about 8 years), and got a dog, but none of it felt like it was making me feel better, beyond being able to go up a few flights of steps without losing my breath and seeing an animal be waaay too excited to see me when I get home.:hsughr:

    I have my 4th meeting with her on Monday, so far so good. Its so weird having someone who waits for me to talk and listens. Its also weird to start tunneling into the mess that's in my head with another person's perspective.
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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  3. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Great job man, keep up the good work. It's going to get messy eventually, but stay with it! Dealing with darker sides are never easy.
     
  4. skierd

    skierd Member

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    Thanks guys. I've started touching on and dancing around some of the darker stuff, not quite ready for all that jazz yet. I think its helping though so far, if anything its helping me push things around into a truer picture, even if that image is more complex than I first imagined.

    I'm 25.
     
  5. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Well, pop back in to this thread as you find obstacles or feel like talking about it. I'm sure you'll find this offer appealing down the road.
     
  6. iblameluke

    iblameluke New Member

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    I'm about to do this as well. I'm thinking about starting a diary of my thoughts and feelings but at this time I have been drinking every night and I almost feel like it would not be worth it to document drunk feelings and thoughts. In contrast, I think if I did that I would end up with something similar to "The Basketball Diaries" which would be kind of cool. Anyways, keep it up man. I'd like to know how it goes because I am about to get into this. I'm too stuck inside my head.
     
  7. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    If anyone here is considering seeing a therapist or psychiatrist, please feel free to visit this thread I created. It will help I hope.

    LINK
     
  8. skierd

    skierd Member

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    Write it down anyways, you never know what you'll find in the morning. Take care of yourself though, I've had two close friends end up in the ICU due to alcoholism in the last 2 months because they both used it to chase the stress and pain away to extremes.

    There were so many times in semester, from my Grandmother that I grew up with dying in October, a full course schedule while working nearly full time, worrying about having a job next year because the economy is so bad and business is so slow, finals, plus dealing with all the bullshit that comes with working retail through Christmas; all the stress and sadness plus a major downward shift in general mood added up to I thought I was going to lose it. Having someone to talk to and writing in a journal I think are the two major ways I kept myself plodding through it.

    This kind of stuff helps too though. Got a card from my boss (store owner) today, who is one of if not the hardest working and most driven people I've had the pleasure to meet let alone work for. She manages 9 different stores, all local, that she splits ungodly amounts of time between and frankly I don't know how she does it. The note inside read "Thank you for all that you do extra on a regular basis. It is definitely noticed and appreciated. I hope that you and your family have a wonderful Christmas!" :hsugh:
     
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2008
  9. illectronic

    illectronic I'm Coming Home OT Supporter

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    A note on Alcoholics Anonymous: I was skeptical at first, but I have been going for 7 months now and it's been great. I met good people that are like me and am learning to deal with my various addictions. I still go to a therapist and a psychiatrist every week as well. Bipolar disorder is a bitch. :hs:
     
  10. skierd

    skierd Member

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    So, an update.

    My depression, which is what caused me initially to seek help finally broke in late February (see my post, "I hate this time of year"). Felt pretty good, sleeping well, working well, school going well, etc.

    However, since late March, I've been sleeping fitfully at best. Going from my journal, I've gone from normal(?), to nervous/anxious much of the day. Over the last two weeks I'm sleeping 3-5 hours a night tops, and once I stop being groggy in the morning feel pretty ok. Having a hell of a time focusing on finishing my papers and projects that are quickly coming due in 2 weeks. Been spending a lot more than I should... like buying a new motorcycle because I wanted it (though I can realistically afford it), and a lot of gear for it and myself, more than I normally would in a way I wouldn't normally (all at once on a CC, to be paid off in two or three months, instead of waiting till I have the cash) and I can think of a dozen more things I'd easily buy. Been preoccupied with enjoying riding again and messing about with the bike and with going out with friends I've made from the dodgeball team I was on this spring, than school work. Finding it extremely hard to settle down and focus. Been planning an epic road trip for this summer during the 4wk break between summer and fall classes. I've also been in a fairly pissy, iritable mood. And again tonight, I'm too wired to sleep even though I've been up since 9am, had 2 classes and worked 6 hours. And of course I stopped going to my counselor. :ugh:

    ...I'm pretty sure I know what it all points to :hsr: but maybe I'm overanalyzing it?


    ...right? :hsd:
     
  11. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Yes, you know what need to be done. Good work identifying it though. Knowing what you need and looking at your mistakes can help in the correction process.
     
  12. did your counselor prescribe anything?
    i know once i stopped going, after a while i started to slip up and kind of go through what you are... eventually though i was worse off than before i ever went to counseling. I am not trying to scare u or anything, but if it gets worse, go see someone again, it can really help to have a non-judgmental ear.
     
  13. skierd

    skierd Member

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    I have not been prescribed anything, yet. We discussed this in one of our first sessions, and I said that I wanted to try therapy alone for the time being and see how that worked.

    I should add too, I've done this roller coaster before (super depressed through winter, super up and excited through spring and summer), but the last few weeks have been something different. Stronger or more intense maybe? Not sure how to describe it really.
     
  14. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    This is a common trend in your life over the years? Does anyone else in your family, or extended family share your difficulties in the winter time?

    This could be a separate issue but is worth discussing with the specialist(s). I have no idea if it's related. Seasonal Affective Disorder. It is a condition characterized by this "rapid" deterioration in behavior/mood into depression, as a result of a lack of wide spectrum light from the environment (like the sun)

    Seems to be pretty common up north in the U.S. and Canada.
     
  15. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    I'm curious about what the "excited through summer" part really means. Might indicate something else (type II bipolar maybe).
     
  16. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    THose are pretty generic symptoms but I really think you should see a psychiatrist. Might be symptoms of hypomania, which would lead to a type II bipolar diagnosis, but the activity level (anxious, unable to focus, less sleep and so on) might be anxiety such as Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
     
  17. skierd

    skierd Member

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    I started seeing my counselor again on Monday, going to go dig through storage and see if I have any of my old notebooks/journals to help but things in better perspective. Cause the thing is, I don't really remember how summers tend to go. :dunno: She did mention thinking about consulting with a psychiatrist as well.

    The words came to me at work on Friday to describe how I was feeling btw as anxious is the wrong word I think but all I could think of at the time. Over-caffeinated, like the twitchy, jittery feeling you get after drinking way too much coffee, better describes it I guess except it doesn't go away (and its not from drinking coffee).


    Right now, I feel fine. Slept well for the first time in weeks last night, reading, focus, and concentration is easier, etc basically "normal".
     
  18. skierd

    skierd Member

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    Saw the psychiatrist today. He (and my psychologist) are pretty sure I had a manic episode. They showed me the DSM-IV criteria, and it fits what I was feeling pretty accurately. Had me get blood work done to check for physical causes, of which I'll find out the results next week, but yeah.

    Fuck.
     
  19. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    I'm not bad at this internet diagnosis thingy :cool:
    At least you sought help and were insightful enough to see that it wasn't normal, I think you can expect a better outcome than most people.
     
  20. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    :werd:
     
  21. alwaysth

    alwaysth New Member

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    Nice I really want to see one agian, but I can't afford it. It's such a great feeling to know that you can vent to someone and it's personal and private.-- I used to go to them all the time as a child/young adult due to family problems, so I'm used to them and respect the work of it.
     
  22. skierd

    skierd Member

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    Got a second opinion from a different psychiatrist that works at the center (didn't like the first guy for whatever reason, just rubbed me the wrong way). Gave me a perscription for Lamictal which I had filled and started taking today (jesus sanity is expensive).
     
  23. skierd

    skierd Member

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    Another update - So basically the only reason I'm here right now is deciding to explore the chance that we'll find something to manage my mind. 3 weeks in on medication, not sure if its helping or not. Have brought up that feeling and the below with my psychologist and will be bringing it up with my p-doc on Monday.

    Had a mixed episode that started about on the 28th and lasted through 12th. Slept poorly, couldn't fall asleep at night but a struggle get up in the morning. Mind was barely functional on outside tasks like working or doing coursework for my summer classes, yet going a mile a minute on thoughts of worthlessness, helplessness, the futility of life and of trying to make something of myself, and had myself convinced that there was no way for me to be or end happy. My soul hurt to the point of not even wanting to be happy one day, just to be not in pain and anguish all the time.

    Constant
    thoughts of suicide on a very concrete level, with two crisis points. First was early in the episode, went to a bar with a coworker after a work meeting, drank too much and rode my motorcycle home. Rode completely recklessly and flogged the hell out of the bike home, with a constant thought of "I don't care if I wreck and kill myself". With the way I was riding, the amount of liquor I drank knowing I had to ride home, and my thoughts on the ride, I tentatively label this as an attempt, albeit an impulsive one. :hsr:

    Second was last Saturday. I work in a retail store, we were very very slow that night and my mind was as bad as its ever been, just a mixture of my worst depressions with many of the bad feelings from the mania I experienced this spring. I thought I had had enough, so I went over to the tool case and picked up a boxcutter and started examining my arms for where to cut and guestimating how long it would take to bleed out compared to how long it would take for someone to come in and notice. Somewhere out in the back corner of my mind something made the point that I had to give the Lamictal time to take hold as I was still had not reached the theraputic dose nor had I been taking it for very long. And that if this one didn't work there were others to try (and there is always the chance that this was caused by the meds) so I put the knife away for the time being. :hsughr: The mood, including the suicidal thoughts, faded away that night and I was mostly back to normal, albeit a bit distressed, the next day.

    I have finally brought up my depressions with someone in RL other than my doc's, told my roommate and gave him a rundown of my basic history, especially over the last year or so. Did not discuss with him the most recent episode however, not ready for that quite yet, but at a minimum I didn't want to have to hide taking my medication while we're living here. Feels a little less weighty now.

    I'll be taking a motorcycle trip to Colorado (and likely back) throughout August as a bit of therapy and a much much needed vacation for myself. I may use this post and/or this forum for a ride report to vent how felt day to day on the ride in relation to coping and learning to deal with this all. Three weeks alone on the road, camping most of the way, should either awaken more demons or help me to identify the ones that are already there.
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2009
  24. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    Good god you sound like my fiance.
     
  25. gkremian

    gkremian New Member

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    Worsening psychological symptoms, including increased thoughts of suicide and general depression is a common side effect of anti-depressants and other meds like it. You need to bring it up with your psychiatrist immediately, because you may have to change your anti-depressants. I went through three or four when I was in high school until I found the right one.
     

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