Fiance wants a trip home before the wedding.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by JBunni, Aug 15, 2009.

  1. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    I realize I am probably being a bit selfish here, but I cant help how strong I feel about this.

    We are 2.5 months away from our wedding, and my fiance wants to plan a last minute trip home to see his friends and family. He wants to take 2 of our friends from here to go with him, and they have never met the 'friends and family' there. Also, his friends back home, are my cousins, who I also miss and would like to see. Mind you, ALL of these people are IN the wedding and we are going to see them soon.

    1. We dont really have the money right now, seeing as we are trying to get a new place and finish the wedding planning.
    2. He wants to take my car. His car is too old/beat up to make the trip comfortably. Mine is considerably newer, and would be easier to take. But I love my car and I really dont want to go with out it, or put the miles on it (500 mile trip one way)
    3. I've already told him that we will plan our first vacation to see them as soon as we have enough saved to do so.
    4. I REALLY REALLY REALLY just dont want him to go.

    He offered to take me with them. And although I still dont really like the idea. I rather get to go than just be stuck at home without a car. I dont want to intrude on his guy time, or his family time. He says he doesnt mind, but his mom and sis dont want me to go.

    I guess I'm just curious if OT think I am crazy selfish, or has a way we can work it out.
     
  2. Cobra Commander

    Cobra Commander OT Supporter

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    If you are going to see them in 2.5 months then I say stand your ground and ask him that you would rather wait til after the wedding.

    Plus, what's with his mother and sister not wanting you to go? Do you mean leave to go see the cousins / friends or go as in come to see them?
     
  3. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    They dont want me to go at all. (His family and my cousins/his friends live in the same area.) They want to spend time with him before we are 'attached'. Which I get, but I figured he can spend time with them, while I spend time with my cousins and our mutual friends (who I think will be bored/awkward with the whole thing), and we can meet up later.
     
  4. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    Shouldn't you be in the kitchen making him a sammich instead of running your mouth about him on the internet?

    lol I keed I keed.

    Funny that the female is being the fiscally responsible one. My experiences have been much the opposite.
     
  5. Cobra Commander

    Cobra Commander OT Supporter

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    How long have you two been seeing each other? Maybe he feels like he has been smothered with the entire wedding thing, women can do that sometimes (and vice versa)..

    you also have to realize that his mother is losing her baby, and wants some alone time before you are in the picture full time. Realize that she (probably) isn't doing this out of spite..

    How old are you two?
     
  6. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    His mom and sister don't want you there? You are going to have a wonderful set of in-laws.

    Personally, if my mom told me the woman I was going to marry wasn't welcome on a visit, then I wouldn't be going either.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Sigh....further proof your young marriage is doomed
     
  8. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    lol, yes

    We've been together 3 years. I'm pretty sure your right about how his mom feels, and I understand. I dont mind him having some time with them without me, but I dont want it to be the whole trip.
     
  9. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    This. If the rest of you knew the backstory on this, you would know how much this is set for fail.

    Yes, you are being selfish. Not everything is going to be your way. You need to learn that now or your marriage is doomed to fail. You need to learn how to compromise.
     
  10. Cobra Commander

    Cobra Commander OT Supporter

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    How old are they since she decided to dismiss my question?
     
  11. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    They are both 20 or 21...........and virgins.

    Seriously.
     
  12. Cobra Commander

    Cobra Commander OT Supporter

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    :rofl:
     
  13. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


    This isn't the 50's anymore.
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    The truth of the matter is you can't stand the idea of him having fun/doing things without you. You know that if he goes his family is going to probably talk crap about you and still tell him this wedding is a mistake.

    Once you get married, have sex finally and experience the reality that is living together on your own with no help he's going to quickly realize he made a mistake and start trying to leave your side as much as possible. You are insecure and selfish and will try to keep him under your thumb, but he'll finally grow up and start to ignore you.
     
  15. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    Why do you think she is not answering, she knows that there is going to be problems but she decides not to acknowledge it. They both don't have a lot of money will barely be able to afford all their expenses. There is no reason to rush into the marriage(besides to have sex), but they refuse to wait.
     
  16. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    I wouldn't blame his mom for trying to talk him out of getting married, they are way to young.

    And to the OP, you said his mom and sister don't want you there. I don't know his family situation, but they are probably the biggest 2 female influences in his life. You should attempt to play nice with them, or it's not likely to end very well for you.
     
  17. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    I really don't get why you would be upset about your SO wanting to go see his family. Maybe I'm missing something here.

    And why wouldn't you go? Work obligations? I can see him wanting to spend time alone with his family but in 2 months you're going to be a family...so...
     
  18. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :rofl: I don't blame them either. Both of their families think the wedding is a mistake.

    Btw, TS is 20 and fiancé 19
     
  19. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    I have friends that got married virgin just a few years older than these guys that have the best and most successful marriage! Seriously. You guys have to stop acting like it's your way or it's wrong way.
     
  20. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    You have a point. But to rush into a marriage just to have sex? Does that make sense to you or do you feel like it's a good reason?
     
  21. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    And some don't end well.

    I remember the OP's story now. They are young, neither have an established career, and have virtually no savings.. The #1 killer of marriages is money. The OP said before their budget is only going to have a $200 a month or so cushion. That isn't jack shit. One car repair, and you've just blown though 3 months worth of financial flexability. Shit happens, and trying to work with a razor thin budget ain't going to happen.
     
  22. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    I was not talking about this couple. Just these guys laughing at the fact that they are virgins and young bothered me. They could make a marriage that many of these supposedly experienced people with lots of baggage can not.

    I don't think rushing into marriage for sex is a good idea and for the TS situation, I think with the way their families act and the fact that they have no money and all that, it is a stupid idea.
     
  23. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    I didnt mention our ages, because we have been through that discussion before and that is not what I need advice about. We are WELL aware of the world's view of our young marriage.

    I think my biggest problem with this, is that it feels like he/ his family, wants him to go back and spend a weekend the "way it was" before he moved, before I took him away. Which I dont like because, his life was going NO WHERE before he moved, his family didnt give him any attention. If he has to go back to visit that life, its like he is unintentionally telling me he rather be back there, that our life now isnt good enough. Or at least that he misses that life. (note: not misses his family or friends, but that life)

    Also, I dont have a problem with his family, and they dont have a problem with me. Like i said, his mom and sister just want him back for a weekend. I think a day would be fine, while I get to spend time with my cousins and friends.
     
  24. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    Also, our budget has expanded a little. We've been keeping an eye on it, and it wont be as tight as previously stated.

    And again, we are not getting married just to have sex. We want the next level in our relationship, which for us, is marriage. We want to get married because we love each other and we want to spend our lives together, why is that not reason enough?
     
  25. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    Or maybe he just wants to visit his sister and his mom.

    You sound like you are just being bitchy because you aren't going to be the center of attention for a few days.
     

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