SRS Fiance Troubles

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by majpayne1, Aug 28, 2006.

  1. majpayne1

    majpayne1 New Member

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    Ok, so my fiance (g/f,SO, whatever) have been dating off and on for 2 years now (slighty more off than on officially) but we have been engaged for a lil more than 3 months now and she decided she wanted to go on a break. She started dating another guy in the mean time to "find out if this is what she really wants". Its driving me nuts, any advice to deal with the stress and/or make sure the cards fall in my favor ?
     
  2. OhFourTwoThree

    OhFourTwoThree New Member

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    You shouldn't be engaged if you've been on/off. I wouldn't be with someone who isn't sure what he really wants.
     
  3. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    You deserve to be with someone who definitely, totally and surely wants you. Give her some time, but eventually if it takes too long you will have to cut your losses and move on.
     
  4. IMJ

    IMJ The Bitch

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    after 2 yrs she should know if she wants to be with you

    i'd move on and forget about her
     
  5. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    If she agreed to marry you and now suddenly wants something different, or isnt sure, she shouldnt have said yes in the first place. I'd be moving on from that girl real quick. On/off relationships rarely ever have a good outcome.
     
  6. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    I really don't know what to say. It seems you are nothing but a doormat. I dont mean to insult you, but how can you seriously consider marriage with someone that can't even be sure they are dating the right person. :dunno:

    Things like this are why so many marriages in America fail. Please dont be another statistic. Quit being her little play toy and move on. She has seriously played you hard.
     
  7. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    She is engaged to you and is dating someone else? Sounds like a real winner you found. Call off the engagement and dump her. If you marry her you'll be in divorce court within a year and thanks to the female bias in said courts she'll take you to the cleaners.

    End it now and move on.
     
  8. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You should take this opportunity to step back and evaluate if she is what you really want.

    By her actions, I don't think you can say you really knew her as well as you thought.

    And don't try to 'win' her back. Just be. If she wants you, she will come find you.

    For the marriage to work, to REALLY work, she has to REALLY want you.
    She has to fight for you, she has to want you (& the marriage) more than anything else.

    So don't muddy the waters by doing that work for her. Let her come to you.

    And if she DOESN'T come, then let it go. I'm saving you years of heartache, though you probably don't believe it at this point. Let her come to you.

    In the meantime, you should take a little retreat yourself, and gather your strength (emotionally).
     
  9. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Sorry. That was a cruel thing for her to do. Enough good advice has been given, I agree that you should move on...she's not ready for marriage.

    As difficult as it may be for you, consider it lucky you found out now vrs a point where separation will not only cause you this grief, but cost you a lot of money as well.

    Remember to get that ring back!
     
  10. BrokenHalo

    BrokenHalo New Member

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    doormat syndrome.

    take a step back and answer these questions:

    how does her treating you like this make you feel?

    do you like the idea of her being with someone else?

    does it feel good to feel so much for her but not have her reciprocate it?

    is someone who just walks in and out of your life and expects you to still be there really worth your time?

    do you enjoy knowing that she needs to keep taking breaks from you?


    ALL OF THE ANSWERS TO ALL OF THESE QUESTIONS SHOULD BE NO.

    no one wants that. and although you may feel love for her, she obviously doesn't feel it for you. i would stop letting her wipe her feet on you and get rid of her. no doubt she'll probably come crawling back, but don't let her. NO ONE needs someone who's going to walk all over them and play them like that. NO ONE.

    sorry to be so harsh, but after all the shit that i've been through in my life, i can't stand to see people feel this way for total pieces of trash. i can't stand to see people let themselves be used and abused and still come back for more. its sickening and sad. you should not let someone get away with doing that shit to you, using you and your emotions to amuse her. its just terrible.

    i hope you realize this and get the hell away from her. find someone who deserves your love and reciprocates it and shower them with affection. i guarantee you'll feel a hell of a lot better than you do right now.

    edit: sorry, the answer to the first question should be "like utter shit" not no :hs:
     
  11. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    i think if u cut her off, and then she comes back, that u should accept her back, and that if she starts acting distant in any way, you immediately punish her again by cutting her off. then she will have to decide if she means it or if she doesn't.

    some people feel like if u already have someone, then they can't be that great. intolerance for bullshit behavior can cure that kind of insecurity. she may end up leaving you for it, or she may end up deciding finally to stay, but either way she figures out what she wants and you can determine whether ur wasting ur time or not.
     
  12. BrokenHalo

    BrokenHalo New Member

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    i disagree... i don't think that for any reason he should let her back in should he decide to completely cut her off.

    she's already proven time and again that she can't be trusted, that she wants other men, and that she really only wants him on occasion. thats not something that he should allow to just pass without punishment... and its definitely not a behavior that he should just shrug off if she should come crawling back to him.

    its usually true... once a cheater, always a cheater. like i said, it takes a long time, sometimes a very very very long time, for people like that to get their fucking act together. i think he's given her plenty of time and i don't think that he should put up with it any longer. giving her a second chance will probably only prolong his torture.
     
  13. Artyboy

    Artyboy Necessity is the excuse for every infringement of

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    Move on and forget about her. You're talking about spending the rest of your life with this woman. If she's constantly begging you for breaks after just a couple of years imagine how things will be in ten years.
     
  14. majpayne1

    majpayne1 New Member

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    thanks for the advice guys
     
  15. crazy15

    crazy15 New Member

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    you honestly dont sound ready for marraige.
     
  16. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    Neither of them do :hs:
     

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