Fiance Cheated/Left Now Wants to come back...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by hellodon, Apr 18, 2009.

  1. hellodon

    hellodon

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2006
    Messages:
    5,049
    Likes Received:
    0
    I am writing this because I dont know what to tell my friend. I feel like I should be supportive of any decision he makes but after what this girl did to him, I really dislike her and don't think she deserves him. Ultimately it's his decision obviously, but he's one of my best friends and one of the nicest guys ever.

    I'm just going to summarize the facts.
    -Dated for 5 Years, met in school
    -Engaged since Summer 2008
    -He's 29, She's 25 (?)
    -She's from Long Island
    -Lived together
    -Her ex from when she was 18 started texting her after his fiance left him. Must have convinced her that he needed her. She would always say it was her sister texting late night but it was him. She went to long island a few months ago and supposedly cheated on him with this ex. I dont know if he doesnt want to tell me that she slept with him because he's embarassed, or if she really didnt and just hung out/kissed him. She came back and told him within a month, and moved out. She said some nasty things to him online a few times, like really kicking him while he was down...about 2 months went by, he was starting to feel better, went on a date, got a PS3 and a new TV, was doing great finishing up his MBA and ready to move on. Was seriously seeming to be in high spirits....then, she comes back, crying, saying she messed up, needs him, won't ever happen again. (this was after she found out that he was feeling better and he stood up to her bullshit)

    TO my knowledge he said he'd think about it to her, she slept over, and he hasnt made a decision yet. His whole family is disappointed, his friends. Its like, no one important to him will ever like her again. And that's weighing in big too. He told me this earlier in the week, I'm not sure what has happened since. Going to see him tonight.

    I feel like I need to present this in a way where I'm being supportive but also a way that will help him to understand the bad and not just think about/remember the good times they had even though they outweigh the bad...because I just have a feeling that this girl will do something like this again - if she can be this heartless while engaged, what will she do later? She'll be able to do it again without care. He's looking at it as being an "isolated incident that won't happen again". Which, I guess it could be, to his knowlege she has never done anything like that to him before in 5 years...maybe she was just scared/nervous about the wedding and she panicked and did something stupid, now is more sure than she thought she was before...that's how he feels. I feel like once she does it and gets away with it/gets him back, she'll do it again knowing she can talk her way out of any trouble in the future since this is like, the most extreme thing she could do in a relationship. He offers up forgiveness and that gives her the idea that he's a pushover...the reason I'm saying this is because it happened to me. I had a really shitty girlfriend that I dated for almost 2 years. Not going to get into it but it was a waste of time. Learned a lot. Dont want to see him get stepped on.

    Any advice? Thanks in advance.

    CLIFFS
    My friend/his girlfriend, 5 years dating, 1 year engaged, lived together, she messed up, left, cheated, was a huge asshole, now wants him back...2 months since breakup.
     
  2. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    I wouldn't take her back, I'd tell her to fuck off. She had her chance, and fucked it up.
     
  3. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    Your friend can see the options clearer than you I think.
     
  4. hellodon

    hellodon

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2006
    Messages:
    5,049
    Likes Received:
    0
    I mean, there's really only two options...of course he sees them. But not necessarily "clearer". The problem is, he's blinded by the past. Instead of focusing on what she did to fuck this up, he's focusing on his life with her before that, and the good she brought and the fact that he was in a comfort zone...I mean, he was getting married, moving to the next step in his life, now he's back to dating...I feel like he's seeing it as an easy move even if it's not right.

    He talked to me and wanted to hear my thoughts on the situation, we spoke briefly and there are plans to get together tonight to talk about it. Obviously my opinion is welcome/wanted here...I'm just looking for a little help on how to handle this because I don't want to see my friend get hurt again by this girl when I could have helped prevent it.

    Your comment is kinda unnecessarily sarcastic....
     
  5. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2007
    Messages:
    30,849
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rhode Island
    Honestly, I think you are a great friend for looking out for him but what it comes down to is the truth/bond of them being married.

    If you arent 100% sure that she cheated on him and he is only saying it was kissing etc, then I personally don't think its worth ending a marriage over if shes honest and he's willing to work on them.
    Unless he's the type like I am where cheating is cheating, and I dont play that. It really comes down to who he is and what HE wants to do in his life. In mine, my family and friends alone would be highly upset if I took a girl who I was faithful to back after she cheated on me, could/would never happen. Between my pride and dignity, I have too much self respect to allow myself to succumb to that.

    It really comes down to him and the truth of the situation.
     
  6. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2005
    Messages:
    7,173
    Likes Received:
    0
    I would not take her back and I would do my best to convince my friend of it. Honestly no man or woman deserves someone who cheats or play games. Also since they already broke up, in the future if they do get married. Every time they have a fight it will quickly bring up the divorce options versus the working it out option.
     
  7. formul8

    formul8 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2006
    Messages:
    138
    Likes Received:
    0
    "If a relationship doesn't work out, then it means one or both people were not totally honest with each other"

    Got that from some book, but it is incredibly true.
     
  8. D7

    D7 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2008
    Messages:
    6,484
    Likes Received:
    1
    Has your friend asked you for your advice? If so, be honest with him. If not, he'll do his own thing anyway. Don't turn yourself blue in the face by giving advice he doesn't want. Best thing you can do is to be there for him.
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Ugh, this story just makes me so mad because if he were my good friend I'd just be so depressed if he took her back.

    I mean there's not much you can really do other than express to him what a bad idea you think it would be for them to get back together....and then just hope with the rest of his family and friends that he's smart enough to not take her back :dunno:
     
  10. formul8

    formul8 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2006
    Messages:
    138
    Likes Received:
    0
    Once chance per woman, per lifetime. ;)
     
  11. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2009
    Messages:
    924
    Likes Received:
    0
    Personally I'd tell my friend that if he takes her back he can find a new friend, I'd tell him that if he's stupid enough to take her back then he might as well spend all his time with her. I can't believe that now a days its almost all right to cheat on someone. I don't care the reason, I couldn't care if she was nervous. If you cheat your gone, simple as that. A relationship is built on trust, you earn it; you are never able to regain it if you break it as there will always been that thought in the back of your mind saying "what if".

    Seriously, I'd tell him that if he decides to take her back consider you and him no longer friends. You can't have a friends who's so stupid to do something like that. Reassure him that your looking out for him and for no other reason would you ever put your friend ship on the line unless you really cared for him and for that reason he must make a choice.
     
  12. TuopaT2008

    TuopaT2008 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2008
    Messages:
    350
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nevada
    Your job is to stand by him no matter what. Every one has to make their own mistakes. No one needs friends or family to give ultimatums; we need them to be there when we fall and buy us a beer when our girl leaves us.

    Tell him you hope he won't take her back (sounds like that's the REASONABLE thing to do), but that you'll understand if he does (even if you don't)...
     
  13. _A_

    _A_ New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2007
    Messages:
    33,723
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Buffalo
    In the end its his choice, if he asks for your input give it to him honsetly.

    To me the cheating is bad enough, but then she went on to talk shit to him like she was breaking up with him? That right there is fucked up. I could see him taking her back after the cheating but it sounds like it didnt stop at that.

    In the end tho, just be a friend to him no matter what he picks, and if (when) she cheats again, make sure he gets out of there.
     
  14. 1BadZ

    1BadZ Uber :Aug2000: GM Nazi

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2000
    Messages:
    7,092
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    STL
    There is only one reason to take someone back after they cheated on you. Which is to turn their life horribly wrong.

    Tell him to treat her like crap, "cheat" on her, and do whatever. She deserves it.
     
  15. JakobwithaK

    JakobwithaK Titty fuck for the win!

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2005
    Messages:
    22,198
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary
    Well said.

    That being said, I've been down this road many times and once you let someone scum like this bitch back in your life - it will just come back to haunt you (and even more) at the end! Its not worth it!
     
  16. Climbing Cracker

    Climbing Cracker I am the Devil. And I am here to do the Devil's w

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2001
    Messages:
    23,467
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Colorado, Los Angeles, Nairobi
  17. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2000
    Messages:
    18,744
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Toronto
    Sounds to me like it didnt work out with the new buddy boy (ex) and she decided she wants him back... lol, I would DEFINITELY not go back to that.
     
  18. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Once a cheater always a cheater.

    Next.
     
  19. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2004
    Messages:
    11,128
    Likes Received:
    7
    It's not even like they're just bf/gf, they were engaged which makes it 100x worse.

    If she'd cheat and do something so selfish while engaged then she obviously will never take the relationship as serious as she should.

    Get the ring back and move on.
     
  20. ACLdestroyer

    ACLdestroyer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2003
    Messages:
    35,101
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    Los Angeles, Ca
    First thing you should do is realize that YOU cannot really do much to help him make the decision.


    But Jesus Christ is he in idiot if he is even thinking of taking her back. Im 29 and engaged and I can tell you hands down that cheating would end it completely. Its pretty easy, the girl that cheats on you is a worthless slut. You may not have noticed that she was a worthless slut when you proposed but now that you KNOW IT FOR SURE, do you really want to marry a worthless slut? :meh:
     
  21. Fucker

    Fucker out of the fast lane, bitches

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2005
    Messages:
    11,538
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Left Coast
    this and married before you're 30 ftmfl.
     
  22. victimizati0n

    victimizati0n New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2005
    Messages:
    47,046
    Likes Received:
    0
    she fucking LEFT him, then once she realized that he was better than the other guy she wants him back?

    no fuck her.

    what says she wont go and do that again later?

    his trust for her should have been gone the second he found out, he would have to be stupid to get with her again
     
  23. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2006
    Messages:
    24,227
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    WA
    Really all you can do is make your thoughts and stance known, in a way that he knows you're just trying to help him out by giving him perspective instead of trying to run his life...then let him make his decision and be there for him through whatever transpires.

    To the guy that said I'd drop my friend for being so stupid...I think that's absolutely ridiculous and the markings of a really crappy friend. People do dumb shit, and they learn. Or sometimes they don't and you have to go through dumb things with them a few times. Everyone does it, no one is perfect, dropping a friend because they decided to try and follow their feelings instead of their logic in this situation...is ludicrous.
     
  24. Reign

    Reign Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2003
    Messages:
    21,304
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Westminster, CO
    I really want an update on this because... if this dude gets back with her he needs to be bitch slapped until he grows a new pair of testicles.
     
  25. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2000
    Messages:
    29,766
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Canada
    Personally I think you are a shitty friend.
     

Share This Page