female translator please...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by NCS, May 14, 2008.

  1. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    so i'm with a new girl and we're having one of those talks where we actually say what we feel (but to a certain extent). the mood is good, she's close, there's kissing going on between lines, etc.


    her: "I feel like being free"
    ... (more talk, some kissing, 10 minutes go by)
    her: "I can't be with two people at once" (she's in the process of breaking up with a long distance bf, who is, i think, a rebound from a longer relationship)
    ... (more talk, some kissing, 10 minutes go by)
    me(talking about living in the moment): Nothing wrong with taking it slow. I'm single, and i'm here with you.
    her: I'm not single anymore, i'm with you now.

    what the hell happened there? did she honestly change her mind within 30 minutes, right in front of me? or is she just feeling guilty... or what??
     
  2. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I would NOT read anything into this. She was in the moment, and will likely change her mind in a short time.

    And how the hell is one "in the process of breaking up?" You either break up, or you don't.

    Don't get too attached to this girl...it could very easily go to dramafest of her going back between you and her LDR bf...and she'll be all confused...

    Ug, screw it, wait til she's definitely single and ovr her ex.
     
  3. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    i'm a female, and i still dont know what the eff she is trying to say.

    though the fact that she has not yet broke up with her bf and is currently hooking up with you makes me think that she isnt confident enough to be on her own and always needs a guy around

    maybe she wants you to be there when she wants you, but to be "single" at the same time so she can go hook up with other people.
     
  4. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    i really have no freakin clue. girls confuse the hell out of me.
     
  5. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    :werd:
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    She's lonely, but doesn't want to commit. this should be obvious, since she has an LDR boyfriend, but is still seeing you.

    Are you hoping for this to go anywhere, or are you casually dating?

    Basically, she wants to have her cake and eat it too...she wants your comfort/company, but doesn't want to lose the security of her bf...

    These are bad signs, btw.
     
  7. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Meaning what?
     
  8. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I mean that they are bad signs if he is looking for anything more than casual dating with this girl.

    If he's hoping for a long term exclusive relationship, she's clearly not ready for it.
     
  9. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    she obviously has feelings for me and so do i. i would like to give it a shot with her, but i could as easily be single. in fact, i wouldnt mind being single at all, i just dont want to pass up on someone i feel strongly for. i'm kind of taking the 'time will tell' path here. in the above talk i did NOT ask her for anything nor did i project the vibe that i could be expecting anything, she put herself out there and said she was "with me" now.

    as for the in the process -- her LDR bf -- her words were "its over but its not official - we haven't talked in a week"

    she also threw up the huge warning signs at some point "i'm afraid i'm going to hurt you, and you're going to hurt me" and "i don't have anything to give... well i do, but i don't know for how long"

    which is why i started the single talk. i'm like fine, we have feelings, lets just take it slow, i'm single and i'm with you this evening and its all good... and then she's like no, i'm not single since you came in my life. -w-t-f-

    judging on vibe alone, its a very relationship feeling already, though.
     
  10. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    that's great, it's cool that you are not forcing it.
     
  11. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    too damn vague. Makes me think that she hasn't actually said "we're done" to him, or she's not against the idea of talking to him again.
     
  12. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    so what would you say if a girl said that to you?
     
  13. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    She's crazy. Abort.

    If you were to begin a relationship with this girl, I guarantee you the relationship would be full of uncertain drama, just like the conversation you just posted.
     
  14. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I would say "what do you mean, it's over but not official? It's either over, or it's not".

    I mean, you could use that line if you were in the middle of a divorce, but I don't think that is the case here.
     
  15. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    no, i'm rather happy with how i dealt with it. i'm like "thats fine, i dont need details, its your business not mine"

    i'm not *trying* for anything here besides comprehension. i like her, but its not like i dont have options, and im happy being single too.
     
  16. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Ok, so you would start an argument about it. In my own experience, I usually find that "going chode" and putting girls on the defensive is counter-productive.
     
  17. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    :werd:
     
  18. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I don't see it as an argument. I see it as a black or white issue. If she's not in the process of getting out of a marriage or engagement, then she's either single, or she's not.

    She can be single and casually dating the other guy, that's fine.

    "Over but not official" is not an acceptable answer to me. It says "I want to end the relationship, but am too weak to do so"

    Basically, I would avoid said girl until she had ended the relationship, because to do otherwise would leave me open to getting involved in all the drama that can come from a woman who does not know what she wants.

    I am not going to waste my time on a woman who can't decide whether she wants to break up with her bf or not.

    I'm going to end with that because i know that a lot of the time, JJJ and I disagree on things, (which is perfectly okay) and I don't want to derail the thread.

    Please keep us updated though!
     
  19. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    +1. this wasn't an argument. it wasn't even a back and forth at most times. just sharing feelings and for the most part a really sweet, good moment and connection. there were very few questions, we were just opening up, and thats some of the more important stuff she said. that kind of attitude is what made it all a good time, she was incredibly sweet and very into me the whole evening regardless of what we talked about.
     
  20. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    MattThom- i see your point about the other guy, and would this be 4 weeks later, i'd be all with you on it. but it been less than a month since i met her, and maybe two weeks tops since any big lines were crossed. It took me two weeks of things swimming around in my head to break up with my gf, and even once i made the decision it took me a week to be able to time it right. So she gets a grace period as far as i'm concerned. I'm willing to bet in about a week and a half its officially over.
     
  21. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Maybe he's so high-value that a woman is forced to be logical and actually say what she means in order to keep his company.
     
  22. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    yeh, honestly i would love to see matt on a date. here are my 9 vaginarium cliches about dating, there is no argument, this is black & white.
     
  23. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Seriously, this woman is giving doing you a huge favor by letting you see exactly what she's like. And if she was your gf, I'm sure you wouldn't want her making out with some other dude while she's "in the process of breaking up" with you.
     
  24. Jacy

    Jacy red lipstick brigade

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    :werd:
    from what the original poster said, she sounds passive aggressive. case in point:
    she stopped contacting the booyfriend to hint to him that it's over instead of confronting him about it
     
  25. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    if he were high value he wouldn't need the girl to castrate her mode of expression down to chode level
     

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