SRS Female Problems :hsugh:

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by GFlem, Oct 10, 2005.

  1. GFlem

    GFlem New Member

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    So I dated a girl in school for perhaps six months, and mind you I was just a college freshman at the time. We hit it off really, REALLY quickly, and I just let myself fall into the whole affair. Long story short, we become close in just about every sense of the word and I start thinking, shit, marriage? It woudln't have happened until I graduated of course, 'cause of finances and stuff, but the thought was definitely there.

    Then all of a sudden, the summer hits and we cool off, to the point where we break up at the beginning of my sophomore year.

    Except we were still having sex, and lots of it. We never really broke up.

    Things go up and down between us; we like each other, we don't like each other, we hate each other, etc, etc.

    I find a new girlfriend, she leaves school, and proceeds to fall into the shitter, so to speak. Changes schools twice, goes through an extraordinarily abusive relationship, has a falling out with her family, has heart problems, gets CANCER, and has a miscarriage by one of my fraternity brothers that she'd known since before I knew her (she now hates the guy and won't talk to him).

    I get back in touch with her sometime about the cancer stage. She has a simple lumpectomy (it's breast cancer) and everything is OK. While she's coming out of anaesthesia, she confesses that she was sorry she broke up with me, and that she loves me (she's never changed on this statement, even when she's not just coming out of a drug-induced coma from surgery).

    I know she's looking for stability at this point, because that's the one thing she's never really had for as long as I'd known her. I know it's not healthy for someone that's not even really self-sufficient yet to try to provide stability for someone else... really, it's not even good to provide stability for anyone if you ARE self-sufficient, because that makes them a dependant instead of a partner.

    The thing is that I still want to.

    Something inside of me is telling me that I'm supposed to be with this girl. Every time I'm around her, I go straight back into the mindset that I had around her when I started dating her: this girl is meant to be with you, and you're meant to be with her. I'm a caring person by nature and that's also something that she's never really had before, and so she's head-over-heels for me and always has been so long as I'd known her.

    I know it's unhealthy for me but I can't stop wanting to be with this girl, problems or not.

    I don't even know how to go about thinking about this problem. I've though about it logically (if there is such a thing that can be applied to relationships) and I've thought about it emotionally, even going so far as to pray about it. My thoughts and feelings on the subject never change, not even for a moment. I still want to be with this woman even if it kills me, which in itself is weird because for the most part I'm very casual or even apathetic about a lot of things.

    I don't even know what I want to really ask of OT. Tips from people who've been there, maybe?


    CLIFFS: Girl with very unstable past wants to be with me, and I want to be with her even though it's probably a bad idea, and my mind has never changed on it, so I think it's serious. Help!
     
  2. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Thats quite a pickle. Or maybe... Indian mango pickel.

    If you're really dead set to marry this girl, and were even when you 'broke up,' and she was getting knocked up by your frat mate, and you were fucking your other girlfriend... then live with her. You can marry her whenever. No need to rush.

    On the other hand, you must realize that most everyone views their first serious adult relationship as distinct from all the others, and that it is possible to obsess and see no way in life but to be with someone... and then eventually snap out of it.

    In short: You might change your mind. Stop thinking about marriage, you're too young. But if you 'got no choice,' as to diving back in with this girl... then dive brotha dive. You may go splat, but hey: thats life.
     
  3. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Wow, what a mess!

    Okay, how can I say this.... Man, I think you should move on. There are many reasons to do so, so lets go over it together, with an open mind.

    First off, you've been around the block before. You had a love/hate relationship. That right there is a huge sign of what is to come. You may not want to believe it but there is a reason why there is the saying that people learn from past mistakes. You've already found that you were not compatable but you want to do it again? Okay, I guess you could always think about giving it another go, but there are other problems as well which also support a decision to stay away.

    She is unstable. I don't care how much you want to blame this on other things in her life, but the fact is that she is an unstable person. She's been to several schools, she's been in an abusive relationship so she says (has this been proven?), she goes through a falling out with her family (she was a victim yet again?!), she has heart problems, she has a miscarriage with a frat mate of yours (has this been proven as well?), and she gets cancer. Wow. What a mess.
    Do you really look at this girl and believe that you two will have a healthy loving relationship? There is NOTHING here that even hints that this would happen. In fact, everything is pointing towards this relationship being a total disaster, yet you are overcome with Captain Save-a-hoe tendencies. You already said that you are the caring person and that she's never had that before. Wow. She's really playing the victim card here and I call BS. Why? Because I have known and even have dated girls like this before, and that is exactly what this is. They are always the victim, they always want the sympathy, and you are eating it right up thinking that with your caring you can give her the life she truly wants. Bullocks.

    It is not your job to be her savior. Don't take that wrong, because as a good boyfriend you want to be there for your significant other, but what about you? You said the stupidest thing in your post, it was: "I still want to be with this woman even if it kills me..." and that is just stupid. Do you have no self respect? What about you? True love doesn't require you to simply love someone else, you have to love yourself and the other person has to love you and love theirself as well. I do not see this here. All I see is an infatuation on your part, and her, a troubled individual that hates herself. It is not fair to you to blindly walk into this trouble for someone who not only isn't capable of loving you the way you would love her, but she also cannot even love herself.
    Her troubled past is appealing to your caring side because you want to do something, you want to save her. Men do this all of the time and it usually ends pretty badly. This entire situation looks like trouble, and was trouble when you dealt with it in the past. Please learn from past mistakes, don't try to be Captain Save-a-hoe, and respect yourself and your own needs. Just trying to dwell on someone elses needs and ignoring your own is doing yourself a huge disservice, and-especially with a girl like this-is only setting yourself up to be used.

    Your thinking with your dick and not your head. If you were thinking with your head you would see the trouble for what it is, you wouldn't believe all the stuff she tells you, and you would understand that there is another woman out there who can offer you a healthy happy relationship. You are missing your opportunity with her when you deal with this heap of trouble. What are you doing?!
     
  4. GFlem

    GFlem New Member

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    :rofl: I needed that... thanks, man.

    I more or less needed to rant to get it off my chest. I'm not going to take it much farther with her; I guess deep down I'd always know it was a bad idea.
     
  5. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    No problem, but I am disturbed by your sentence: "I'm not going to take it much farther with her" You shouldn't take it any further with her!

    Also, are you a MMA fan? I noticed the words above your avatar.
     

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