SRS Fell in love with bestfriend. Need advice.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Mikhail117, Dec 16, 2007.

  1. Mikhail117

    Mikhail117 New Member

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    Sorry if this just seems like whining, but I really need your help.

    I met her a year ago, and we got along really well. After a while, I started to fall for her, but I never told her. After two months, I went to Japan for 4 days because I won an international contest. I get home, and two weeks later, she gets together with one of my friends.

    "It's just fair." I think to myself and I get over her after a month or two.

    We get close and she becomes a best friend. A year later, he breaks up with her and she's a mess. I wasn't there for her because I had to cope with my own problems over the summer, so she turns to this other guy who is also a good friend. He helps her through it when I'm not able to.

    School starts and we start getting along again. At August, I fall for her again. I tell her in September and she's weirded out, but she says that she'll try to understand. After a while, I see that it's not going anywhere, and I end it.

    We're friends again, but sort of distant because of the courting. The friend who I mentioned earlier, who helped her during summer, gets into a fight with her and she hangs out with me more than anyone else. It's the most that we hang out in the entire span of me knowing her.

    She reconciles with her best friend, and I feel like I'm left in a ditch-- it all turns out to be all in my head. After a while, we start getting close, but I feel like I've been friend-zoned after I courted her. I can't flirt, I can't try to be cute because it weirds her out.

    I really like this girl. She's really great, and I really want to be with her. My friend treated her like shit and I know that I'll treat her better.

    Does anyone have any advice that can get me out of the friend-zone? I really need it. I'm not kidding, this girl, she's not the regular, run-of-the-mill Barbie doll that you meet in a bar or something, she's... just really amazing.

    Please, can anyone help me? Don't say that there isn't hope, because there's always a way.
     
  2. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Quit deluding yourself.

    There is NOT always a way. She told you the first time you courted her that she only sees you as a friend.

    Best thing you can do is wean your contact with her so you can get the space you need to get over her.
     
  3. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    You're wasting your time.

    Listen to me.

    You're wasting your time.

    She's not the end-all-be-all of girls, there isn't always a way, and your first mistake was telling her how you feel and not showing her.
     
  4. onedownfiveup

    onedownfiveup Active Member

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    I've been reading some of METALLlC BLUE's responses lately and he's got some great advice.
     
  5. daaarn

    daaarn New Member

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    And there lies the primal truth. If she didn't feel an attraction when y'all first got to know each other, then she's already made up her mind about you. You're a friend. Accept that and move on. Distance yourself b/c a lot of your friendship and closeness is probably due to you crushing on her and not based on something more substantial. The longer you stay in that sort of a friendship, the more you'll feel let down when you eventually realize for yourself that she's just not into you like that. Save yourself that trouble, it isn't worth it.
     
  6. polishillusion

    polishillusion New Member

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    This thread is won already.

    Think of it like this - This is one woman. Out of billions. She is not a friend. She is a potential lover. She is a potential lover that never will have sex with you. The sacrifice here does not outweigh the benefit.

    I 100% believe that this is going to be one of the most painful things in your life to do. BREAK OFF CONTACT, and NEVER TALK TO HER AGAIN.

    You are so tied to her because that little waft of vagina is always in the air when she is around. You think you "love" her. You droll all over her. You see her as perfect. She is milking you emotionally dry and using that to empower herself and become a stronger person while leaving you out in the cold, becoming a nobody.


    DTB
     
  7. Champ[$]

    Champ[$] New Member

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    Tough luck.

    Best friend dating turns out really awkward.

    I really don't know how life does that, but theres always the girl you like and you try to get with her so you become immensely close.
    Then you realize you're too close to date her, and if you try to make a move like that it turns out awkward.

    It's just something that happens, and the only hope you have is if she develops a liking for you.

    But thas a real low chance :|


    But keep in mind, don't fuck up ur relationship with her just because you can't get her.
    Then she'll forever think your a shallow asshole who jus wanted in on her pants.
     
  8. FEELSGOODMEN

    FEELSGOODMEN New Member

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    wow MetallicBlue's post was awesome!
     
  9. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

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    :werd:

    he gives some solid advice in a lot of these threads.
     
  10. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    pretty much what MB said. ninja needs to be a therapist.
     
  11. BritishHumpingWitch

    BritishHumpingWitch New Member

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    Unfortunately, you can't make anyone fall for you. If she already laid down the line (she only sees you as a friend), I would strongly suggest you move on and discontinue holding on to false hope. If you have to, stop seeing her for a while; after all, seeing her is probably only making matters worse for you, feeling-wise.
     
  12. Titan King

    Titan King New Member

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    Do you want to take a risk (relationship) which has a 89% chance of failiure or do you want to keep a friendship which has a 95% success rate.
     
  13. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Unfortunately my friend, you're done. She's already given you her answer and you're not about to change her mind-especially if you are trying to.

    I suggest you read my thread entitled, My: A Man's Guide for Successful Dating. It will detail all about situations like this.

    You see, you tried to win her by being the ultimate giving friend. This does nothing but put you in the friendzone and kill any chance for romantic interest. You didn't put this on a relationship path, you hid your crush behind a false front of "just friends" when you secretly wanted more. While doing this, you became the male girlfriend; a shoulder to cry on, a therapist, etc. That's what her girlfriends are for and this does nothing to build romantic chemistry. You basically became a tool she used when she needed one, and like a good puppy dog, you were there for her to use.

    While this is a good way to become friends, it does nothing to generate romantic value. In order for a woman to be attracted to you romantically, you need to have VALUE. Value is displayed in the form of a Strong Character, Self Confidence, and Self Respect. A person who has those attributes in a healthy abundance is not going to sneak in quietly as "friends" when he wants more. He will instead openly pursue this kind of relationship when he wants it. In addition, this guy isn't going to be offering his free attention because he Value's himself. He has his own life and own goals. So while he may listen or offer advice from time to time, he's not going to offer himself completely when he is getting nothing in return. It is unfair to him to offer services he would normally give to a girlfriend or wife to someone who isn't those things. You offered this girl everything in order to be liked romantically and she did nothing romantic back in return. How is this fair to you?

    In this world, the best things come as a reward for hard work and effort. This girl didn't have to earn your attentions and affections, you readily gave it to her. If this was so easily achieved for her, there isn't as much value to it, especially if you were offering it while she's with other men. You're showing a willingness to offer all of this regardless of what position this puts you in and this shows that you have Low Value and Low Self Respect. You're putting her in front of you, up on a pedestal. No girl is going to be able to generate or maintain an attraction to a guy who puts her on a pedestal because he is telling her through his actions that she is of greater value than himself. He isn't her equal. In order to have her respect you must be her equal or her superior. Otherwise, she will see you as beneath her and as she could do better... so she will when she sees a guy who presents himself as her equal or superior. That guy according to her will be a "catch".

    Now if you didn't give all of your attention for free, and she had to work to earn you, then this gives you a greater value. She wouldn't so easily discard what you have to offer as it took effort and trial to gain it. This also shows that you respect yourself and don't give yourself freely. This shows that you are a person of value, her equal. This is more attractive.

    How do you reverse this? Bro, you can't, not in the situation you are in because by the very effort of you "trying" you're still making her the prize. If she is the prize as well as the reward then she is still being sent signals that she is better than you. This is the same type of stuff that got you here in the first place.

    Your best bet is to move on and give yourself more Value. Go meet other women. Go on dates. Have other options. Don't make yourself a kleenax for women to use whenever they need you. You have your own life and the only thing you should be putting on a pedestal is yourself. No one is going to look out for you if you aren't. So to get your goals you have to put them as a priority.

    To read more check out that thread I mentioned.
     
  14. twenty

    twenty resident nerd

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    Well put. You're in the friend zone.. I've been in your shoes before, and yes- it sucks. I'd like to give you some options, but your only real one here is to break off all communication. It's hard (I know from experience), but it can be done. Good luck.
     
  15. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

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    this thread is almost 4 years old, why bump it now?
     
  16. amze

    amze New Member

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    that ^

    :ugh:
     
  17. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    if I knew how to teach you to get this particular woman, i would be a billionaire
     
  18. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    how did someone even find this thread after 4 years?
     

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