SRS Feeling sort of depressed lately...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Dirty-D, Aug 10, 2006.

  1. Dirty-D

    Dirty-D New Member

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    Well, first, a bit of background.
    First off, i'm 19.
    Some OTers may know i was involved in a very serious car accident in July of 2005. There was a 6 or so page thread about it, and i've talked with quite a few others about it since then. I hit a lightpost at 93kmh impact speed on my drivers door in my modded 240sx. I broke just about every bone in my body (the big ones anyways...maybe 30ish total?) and had very serious internal injuries, as well as nerve damage to my left hand, entire left leg, and right leg from about mid calf down.
    I spent 5 months in the hospital the first round, and 2 weeks for 2 more surgeries in June of 06. I've had 11 major surgeries, with one more to go (Open Heart) in Early - Mid 2007.
    I was on an anti depressant for a while in the hospital, and a few months after my discharge date (Effexor XR. I was on a really low dose, about 40mg 2x daily.)

    Most of 2006, i've been feeling generally pretty good, sure there's good days and bad days, but on a whole, it's been generally upbeat. I still need a cane and a leg brace to walk, but i'm starting to get my life back together again...I'm headed back to university this fall (i had to take last year off, obviously) i'm working again, still in physio (which is going generally really well,) i'm driving agian, starting to go out a bit more w/ my friends again...you know? just trying to get back to a normal life.

    For the past week and a half i was on vacation w/ my family. We went to Hawaii, the big island and kauai. I started feeling sort of depressed when we get to kauai, i'm not really sure why, i just didn't really feel right. It wasn't a big thing though, i just didn't feel in a very good mood.

    We got home on Monday the 7th in the morning, after an all night flight. Obviously, i was drained as shit that day, so i just kind of layed around the house most of the day. I wasn't able to sleep really well at night, i couldn't sleep, at all. I was just restless, icouldn't turn my mind off, and i felt again, bleak and just sorta, blah. I ended up falling asleep at about 4:30am, and getting about 2 hours of sleep before i had to get up.
    On Tuesday, i had a meeting with my rec therapist, as well as wound specialists at the Hospital. We talked a bit about how my life is mostly dominated by work, school, physio, and sleep. she gave me an assignment to do about liesure. I was supposed to go to work on tuesday, but i just didn't feel like going...i just felt really bleak about it. So i stayed home. My supervisor called me in the afternoon, inquiring how my vacation was. She asked me to go on a field assigment to some little town about 30km out side of the city, (i'd been working out of the office there before, helping out a bit) i said sure, and called the crew leader out there to figure out a plan. she never called me back. I fell asleep in the afternoon, slept for about 4 hours and taht was it. When it came time to goto bed, i couldn't sleep again, same sort of restless, blah shit. I ended up reading magazines for a few hours until i felt tired enough to drop, and i got maybe 3 hours of sleep.
    This morning i felt like shit, exhausted and generally upset, and apathetic about the day.
    I had physio at around 8 am at the hospital (like i usually do) and didn't go to work again, i just layed around the house, and didn't even really feel like doing anything. My mom came home to make me lunch, but ran out of time, so she gave me some cash to go buy something...i didn't even feel like getting anything, so i didn't bother eating.

    and now, here i am.
    I just feel like i'm falling into a cycle again, i feel apathetic and that i just don't care or feel like doing anything, rather than sleeping. I enjoy my job (sort of) i get like, 700+ a week easy (and for a random desk job that i just applied for from the paper, that's really fucking good...) but i just don't feel like doing anything right now.

    so, what should i be doing here?
    Any replies are appreciate...
    Thanks
    -Darren


    Cliffs: Read what i wrote...if you can't. fine.
    Feeling depressed again, and unsure of what to do.
     
  2. ElectricJW

    ElectricJW We are all ONE!

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    It sounds like you still aren't fully recovered, so that could play a role in you being out of it some days. But look at the bright side, you survived a major car crash and you're in HAWAII. Just hang in there and once you are 100% recovered you might have a better outlook on life.

    Also what do you like to do, or what makes you happy? What you answer, you should do that as often as possible, w/out going overboard. Just stay positive and try to make the best of things, and good luck. :)
     
  3. og5

    og5 New Member

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    Damn that sounded like a crazy accident, who's fault was it? Did insurance cover the bills?
     
  4. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    think you might get better replies here... good luck
     
  5. Dirty-D

    Dirty-D New Member

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    My bad, i don't spend much time on the sub forums, so i didn't think of where the best place for this would be...i just chose "on topic" so i wouldn't get any BUY AN AV FAGGOT or DIAF replies :)

    og5: Mine. I'd been driving occasionally for about 2 years prior, and driven quite a few sports cars (for small amounts of time) beforehand (e39 M5, E36 M3, Cooper S, etc) I knew this was a very, very fast car, and what it was capable of. (i remember doing 170kmh in 3rd gear. for a fucking 240sx, that's big.) For a long time, whenever i pushed the car, it scared the shit right out of me, but i started getting a little too comfortable with its limits, and started getting reckless too. On my way home one night from a friends house (with my best friend driving in front of me...no, we weren't racing, just both going home, and we lived in the same direction) i was pushing it in poor weather, and i hydroplaned, struck a few curbs, did a 270 in the street, and then struck the pole. I have no memory of the accident, or anything about 24hours before it happened...this was all told to me by eye witnesses and police reports. I live in canada, so free healthcare...but yes, my car insurance covered other things like the vehicle, leg brace, portions of my drugs (oxycontin :mamoru:) not covered by healthcare, medical supplies, etc.


    Electric: No, i'm not yet recovered. I'm still about 20lbs underweight, (i lost a good 70lbs in the hospital. all muscle...i was super lean to begin with.) I'm still anemic, addicted to painkillers, and have extensive nerve damage still going on (i don't have any control/feeling in my left foot :( the hand, right foot, and parts of left leg nerves have healed.) So yeah, i think that just, being in this state definitly has a part to do with it (i can't even put a fucking sock on my own foot...i can barely reach it.)
    As for what i liek to do, i'm unsure really... Things have changed so much, before the hardest things i had to do were along the lines of "Hmm, what should i wear for school today?" or "Did i study enough for that calc test?" but now, just everything is so different, and my life has changed drastically, and negatively too. I often think about everything i lost and i just feel really down for the entire day.
     
  6. Danman

    Danman New Member

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    Not to answer a question with one, but did you stop taking the oxycontin? If so, you could very well be suffering from withdrawal.

    Considering all you have gone through and continue to go through, it is understandable that you are down frequently.

    Talk to your doctor. Maybe, they can up your anti-depressants.

    Take Care.
     
  7. Dirty-D

    Dirty-D New Member

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    Nope, still on oxycontin. and trust me, that is not a withdrawl symptom, at all.
     

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