SRS Feeling shitty because a guy I'm attracted to insulted me

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by advertisingguru, Sep 24, 2009.

  1. advertisingguru

    advertisingguru New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2007
    Messages:
    202
    Likes Received:
    0
    There's this guy who I'm attracted to (I am a 24-year-old female). I THOUGHT we got along well when we met briefly through one of my best guy friends. However, he went back to my friend (I guess not realizing how close we are and that he'd tell me this) and said I seemed really "dumb" and "childish."

    This has really made me feel bad. I had a normal, sober conversation with the guy, and at the time, didn't even think much of it. It wasn't until after I went home that I thought about him and expressed to my friend how cute/great I thought he was.

    It's a downer mainly because my personality can border on fun and silly. Now I'm worried that my sense of humor is all wrong. Luckily I have a serious side; perhaps I should turn it on for good?
     
  2. weezyfbaby

    weezyfbaby New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2006
    Messages:
    12,204
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philly
    Key word there.

    Did your close friend let you know any good things he said about you? Seems good that he would talk about you to anyone anyway.

    Why don't you try talking to the guy directly rather than listening to hearsay.
     
  3. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2008
    Messages:
    9,447
    Likes Received:
    0
    No, you shouldn't turn it on for good. You should know by now that you can't please every one so he may not like your serious side but there will be other guys out there who love it. The guy you're talking about in this thread may also later realize he was wrong about you. You really shouldn't let the opinion of one person you barely know ruin your day and make you change your behavior, just move on.
     
  4. planeh

    planeh Guest

    that isn't a "key" word. He's basically saying that without knowing her all too well that his assumption is that she is dumb and childish. Its his opinion and I am willing to be that he won't be taking her seriously from here on out.

    Either you'll have to change that opinion or hope that your friend backed you up and said something positive.
     
  5. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2008
    Messages:
    1,816
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CdM, CA
    no, you should find a guy who accepts you for all of who you are, not just a small part

    yes, it sucks when you like someone who doesnt like you back, but you never should change who you are as a person to make someone like you
     
  6. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    The friend may have her sights on him, he might not have said it. There are a number of scenarios. I'm curious as to why you let what others say, give you self value. If he indeed did say the things you heard, he doesn't sound like someone I'd really care about.
     
  7. jtrem

    jtrem Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2008
    Messages:
    1,661
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pittsburgh
    Your friend could possibly not want you with the guy. Who knows, a lot of factors, maybe your friend wants you or maybe he is just looking out for you. Whatever it is, don't change for someone.
     
  8. bowrofl

    bowrofl New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2005
    Messages:
    6,555
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Canadia
    Not everyone is compatible with each other. It's funny, when we see someone, we may be physically attracted to them and even lust after them without ever speaking a word to them. However, once you begin to know their mind rather then the body, things begin to change.
    This guy judges you without even knowing you... someone so quick to judge doesn't seem to be worth your time. I like women who can be silly and have fun but you need a balance between fun/silly time & not being fun/silly. This reply is more confusing than I intended now that I'm reading it back to myself but hopefully it makes more sense to you.

    But yeah, don't change yourself. One guy doesn't like it. Who cares? You'll change yourself because of what one guy thinks? (who is pretty much a stranger aside from connections through friends) Keep doing what you're doing unless it you find it doesn't work at all... but I don't think having a fun personality is bad at all; quite the opposite.
     
  9. woot

    woot wo

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2003
    Messages:
    60,311
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    bat country
    I am going to have to disagree with everyone here. People adjust themselves in public especially for something important as a first impression. It's called a public facade. If everyone acted like they do on their own time with close friends and family all the time in public the world would be filled with jackasses.

    I am not saying you should change your entire personality but when you are first meeting someone either for personal or business relationships, you should be aware of how you are portraying yourself to the world.

    Sounds like everyone who posted before me has this trite notion of themselves being an unique snowflake.

    I hope everything works out.
     
  10. planeh

    planeh Guest

    so her "first impression" is being dumb and childish as told by this guy to her friend. What is your point exactly?

    Also your advice on business and personal relations is totally incorrect. I don't act like I'm talking with a CEO of a fortune 500 company when I'm speaking a girl I'm interested in...and I also act the same around my friend and family as I do around new social acquaintances.
     
  11. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    Wat? :rofl:
     
  12. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2002
    Messages:
    64,128
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philly, PA
    be yourself maybe he just has a horrible sense of humor or he's too serious :dunno:
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    .

    Though I have to add...you did make a thread yourself saying you are "mentally slow." You claim to have a "silly" disposition, but unfortunately maybe a stranger views that differently. I guess what I'm saying is you might want to push yourself to have general conversations with lots of new people, maybe beef up your communication skills :dunno:
     
  14. jonno

    jonno New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Messages:
    63,823
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    fort sam
    maybe he just needs to loosen up. maybe you're just not meant for each other. and maybe you really are immature. who knows? don't let it get you down or stress over it.
     
  15. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Him not liking you is his issue, not yours.

    You don't change yourself to fit another person...you find a person who fits you.

    It's not any fault of yours, so why are you allowing it to influence your thoughts in this way?
     
  16. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2005
    Messages:
    5,738
    Likes Received:
    0
    Einstein had a personality that people like your crush would call dumb and childish if they never knew what he accomplished. same with Bohr, and Twain, and Mozart, etc... Not saying you're a genius but don't turn serious and proper just because a guy might like that better.
     
  17. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Two things, one you might be reading too much into this. Second, because you love him you take his words too much to heart. Meaning you should add some salt to the whole experience, especially when hearing things via via, its no good. Relationships take time to grow and there's no such thing as perfect human beings even on those who you love are imaginarily perfect n all, it in reality takes time for relationships to develop. Give it some more time and something nice might grow out of this.
     
  18. planeh

    planeh Guest

    :hsugh: where did she say she "loved" him. Are you responding to the right thread/
     
  19. Hemps

    Hemps New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2005
    Messages:
    26,715
    Likes Received:
    0
    heh stop worrying adguru. PLENTY of better dudes out there.

    "Sometimes you eat the bar...and well.....sometimes the bar, he eats you."
     
  20. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2005
    Messages:
    19,712
    Likes Received:
    0
    If it were me, I would be most likely to call someone "dumb and childish" if they made fun of something I took seriously, whether or not it was innocent or intended to be insulting. I doubt I'd do that after the first date, though; I usually wait to see if there's a pattern in someone's inability to humor me before I get upset about it.
     
  21. Hellcat

    Hellcat New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2007
    Messages:
    1,449
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Upper Michigan
    another thought: perhaps the guy was having a bad day, and found your light or carefree attitude irritating...i've definitely had similar situations. but times when i have had a decent day, i'm more willing to listen to people.

    he could also be one of those brutally honest people who just say it how they see it :dunno: either way, it's just one guy out of millions. don't take it too personal.
     

Share This Page