SRS Feeling Pressure from All Angles (Long)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Boogieman117, Mar 15, 2007.

  1. Boogieman117

    Boogieman117 PSN: Boogieman117

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    Hey all,

    Just a quick reference of the situation I've been in over the past year:
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=2336834

    Brother-In-Law passed away:
    http://www.straferight.com/forums/off-topic/169833-my-personal-day-hell-death-family-long.html

    Ok, now you're all caught up.

    Lately, me and my sister are starting to see some post-death stress that this has started. Lemme go around the intermediate family.

    My mom has been spending the nights here at my sister's and putting ny niece on the bus in the morning, and picking her up off the bus in the evenings. Between the times while she's in school, Mom goes home to take care of bills and housekeeping. Before hand, she ran the house; bills and cleaning and so on and so forth; the textbook housewife.

    Dad does nothing but work, period. He owns three companies, a towing company, a gas station, and is a bus contractor. He has very little time to spare. At my home, where he's been alone at nights, are our two dogs, a 2 year old Golden Retriever and a 11 year old Chihuahua. They aren't getting barely any attention, play wise. They're left at home, alone, all day long. Before hand, he'd come home to a house with me and mom in it. I took care of the dogs, mom the house.

    My sister is recovering, from what I can see, very well. She's gotten back into her 4-day-a-week, 10-hour days, workaholic mode. She's getting back into her rhythm of the life she had before my brother-in-law's health declined so badly that it effected everything.

    My grandfather, who lives next door to my parent's house, has always been a person that kept to himself. Over the past few years though, he's gotten to become EXTREMELY lonely. The circulation in his legs aren't great, so he only travels when he needs to. My sister told me tonight that he was willing to pay someone to come to his house ans just sit and talk to him, for company.

    And me... :wavey:. I'm 22 years old and I feel like I'm holding a lot of burden on me. I'm the 'man of the house' now that I'm, for all intents and purposes, living with my sister. I'm trying to look toward the future with my girlfriend of (soon to be) 7 years. My finances aren't looking too great [30,000/year], and I feel helpless to the fact that my grandfather's entering full blown depression, my mom and dad seem to bicker and fight more now, and everything just seems to be falling apart.

    That's been the last 4 months.

    Last night, Mom and my sister had a fight. Mom's a pack rat; my sister learned from Mom and is hellbent on keeping a non-clutter house. Now Mom said that she won't be spending the night anymore because he doesn't feel welcome. As of a few minutes ago, my sister told me they talked and that all is well now, but I fear that another fallout will happen again.

    Somehow, with ALL of that circling me, I'm feeling pressure about my future. I'm wondering how long my sister is going to need my help. She used to go grocery shopping with my bro-in-law, and now it's hard to do since my niece goes "Look, that's what Daddy liked!" every two seconds. This is just one of the little reminders that he's gone. I'm wondering how, when me and the little lady get hitched, when we're only making $70,000 a year, can live happily where the average price of a house within a 30-mile radius start in the $200,000 range, not to mention my vehicle bills and her upcoming student loan payments. I'm worried that I'll be hitting a glass ceiling at work; I work at 2 libraries, both part-time, where I.T. makes decent pay, but has no advances for obtaining a A.A., or even a B.A.

    Anyway... I'm sure there are other things that are irking my nerves, but I'm very tired. I weigh 200 pounds, and have been started running 4 miles a day while watching Season 1 of Prison Break and Season 1 of House MD, getting my mind off things and physically exhausting myself so that I can get a decent night sleep on my queen size air matress tonight.

    Anyone who can give me any advice, shoot me a line. I could use a pat on the back. :sadwavey:
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    -Ask the grandfather to let the dogs out, and watch over your niece while your sister goes shopping, that will give him very needed company, and you two a break well needed.
    -Ask your dad to work less, spending more time with the family is important.
    -You seemed to be qualified as a paramedic, ever thought of making this your profession?If you do so Keep on studying to ascend on the medical ladder in order to improve your paycheck.
    -Organise a nice day out shopping with mom and sis to improve the relationship they have with eachother.
     
  3. Boogieman117

    Boogieman117 PSN: Boogieman117

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    My grandfather's 83 years old and doesn't get around very much, mostly because of his bad legs. My sister had told me that he never married, simply because he never wanted to be 'tied down'. That's why I had a step-grandfather, and up until the age of 14, wondered why I had three grandfathers. :rofl: On top of that, he fears my golden and refuses to let them outside. My only fault is that I never have anything 'in common' with him, never really 'banded' with him, and feel uncomfortable for that reason, since I grew up keeping to myself a lot. :wtc: Asthma pwned me as a kid, therefore Super Mario, Billy and Jimmy Lee, Sonic the Hedgehog, Ryu, and Sub-Zero became my best friends. :fawk:

    We've asked him, but everytime we ask, he says that he can't. It's a real problem to me and my sister, but what can I do to make it stick to him? He's a real-life walking depiction of "If someone can't do it right, you've got to do it yourself." His cell phone is practially grafted to his hip, and it rings on a pretty regualr basis, no matter what we're doing. Perfect example; we went camping about 100 miles from home, and he still took it with him and had to conduct car tows, because the people he left in charge were overwhelmed. The trip turned out OK, but it's just one of the things that irks me. Second example; the work phone number is transferred to Mom and Dad's house every night in case Dad gets a tow call. Imagine picking up a ringing phone at 3am in the morning, only to hear some drunk who ran his car in a ditch and needs to be winched out. :noes:

    Information Technology is my primary field; I volunteer as an EMT because that's something that my dad lured me into and I've been with the volunteer team ever since. (Oh yeah, he's the president of the department and is a lifetime member with 25+ years volunteering, consider that his 4th job). The squad where I volunteer is like a save haven for me; it's a place where I can really be myself with other people and hang out and relax. Of course, I'm as professional as they come when someone calls 911. :bigthumb:

    My relationship my Mom is very unstable at times. Growing up, my dad was a 1/5th owner and weekend bartender of a popular country-themed bar in the area, and my mom square-danced with the bar's team, and the team went all over the US for competitions during the 90's. This continued throughout my late elementary school and early middle school years; Mom and Dad would be gone on Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday nights, while my sister [9 years my elder] would babysit me. In retrospect, I remember coming home from school and ignoring my 'chores', simply because verbal yelling didn't affect me much. But after Dad got home, I knew my ass was in trouble; not from a belt, but from talks, usually starting with "You know you upset your mother tonight...". Also, I seem to have more respect for my sister than I do my own mother. I know that's not healthy, but I don't know how to correct it. I'm not a family person by any means; I don't participate in family vacations and I don't give a reason why. I don't offer to help my Mom with anything, but I'll bend over for my sister. I'd do anything for my Dad, simply because he'd kick my ass. :hsd:

    I really don't know why I'm dwelling so much on this lately; maybe it's because I'm entering my 20's with goals I feel are unobtainable and how things are going on around me that affect my family greatly, and I feel helpless to change things.
     
  4. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    How come you work 2 IT jobs at libraries instead of 1 full time job somewhere else? It seems to me that you could make better money somewhere else doing the same thing :dunno:

    Are you and your fiance just planning to stay in that area because of your family? I wouldn't worry about buying a house right now, most people take a few years to save up enough money to buy a house.
     
  5. Boogieman117

    Boogieman117 PSN: Boogieman117

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    I work at the two libraries because it's where I've been for 3-4 years between both counties. In one county, the staff at one loves me compared to the lady that's been there for 40+ years and is IT. :noes: In the other county, we're moving with technology at break-neck speed, and I can barely keep up and I'm enjoying it. Finally, it's a safety blanket to me; maybe that's my downfall. It's local, and I enjoy it. :hs:

    I sat down and had a chat with my sister and GF today... we spoke about the outlook in general for her, me, and the GF. Basically, me and my sis inherited a piece of land, 1.2 acres on farmland here in the county. It's worth $205,000 :) Now, she's hellbent on getting out of the house that her husband died in, and that's understandable. We basically came out happy with the idea that I'd sell my part of the land for half the amount, ~$102,500. With that in my back pocket so to speak, my options now opened up. This means my deceased grandfather can rest peacefully, knowing that a family member will live on the land. Me and the GF were considering buying my sister's home, in exchange for my part of the land, with some money transfers if it comes up.

    I'm starting to feel a bit better about how things are going. Fortunately, I'm realizing the things I can't control are exactly that; things I can't control, therefore I'm attempting this week to let them roll without snapping.
     

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