SRS Feeling numb

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by obsidian image, Jul 4, 2008.

  1. obsidian image

    obsidian image New Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2008
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    0
    So I'm kinda new at this and I've been lurking around for a bit but I figured I might as well give it a shot.

    For some reason I just can't find myself to care about anything. Even things I should care about like school and family and stuff. I can't care enough to try harder in school and as a result I'm being threatened to be kicked out. And even then, I still can't care. My family was a little shaky a while ago and I had to pretend as if I cared then so that I wouldn't look like a complete douchebag for not. Even one of my friends had a breast cancer scare but still... I was more like "tell me how it goes on your exam!" and I had to force myself to remember and ask about it. I don't really care about anything future wise either. I feel as if I'm kinda going no where right now due to my horrible grades and I just can't get myself out of it. This has been going on now for about two years or so.

    The thing is I don't really want this feeling of not caring to last forever but at the same time I don't really care if I do or not. It's a horrible cycle. I don't really know what to do about it. I mean I'm already going to a therapist but it's not really helping seeing as I've been with him since February. Is anyone else familiar with this experience?

    tl;dr version: I'm feeling numb and I can't bring myself to care about anything.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    What you are essensially doing wrong has got very little to do with caring or not caring.

    I know your situation very well, if you have everything in life, why would you bother to care for school? If other people are having a terrible time cancer/dying why would you care? Here is the gist.

    When things go personally wrong with you, then YOU are the one who suffers the negative consequenses. Do the math.

    You get bad grades in school |consequense = no diploma| consequense = bad job | consequense = bad future| consequense = bad life | consequense = negative effects.

    The only thing you could learn from the above is that you want to avoid those negative effects, this has got nothing to do with caring or not caring, its simply about making sure that you don't make your life into a big mess as you are doing now.

    You need to learn that Negativity leads to Nowhere.

    From there on you can reason on that in order to get your life properly arranged, it would mean that for everything you need a positive attitude.


    So its essensial that you understand that currently you have 'the wrong attitude'

    Saying 'to hell with it', to everything in life has the negative consequense that you 'aint getting anything done, nor going anywhere in your life'

    "replace that with"

    I need to work hard to succeed , as well as ' playing it smart in life.

    Those two factors are good attitudes, let me tell you something about life.


    Life is like a river, the stream always goes against you. You are like a salmon that needs to reach the goal up the stream in the mountains. Like a real salmon you need to go against everything that the river throws against you, the salmon fights for its life to reach its goal, and eventually after a hard fight it reaches its goal.

    There are only three directions in life, down where death lies, stay where you are and go in circles, or up where an improved life lies ahead, the first 2 are worthless and lead to nowhere, this is important because it means you can set the course of your life, to the only direction that is valuable ,namely upwards towards into progress. It doesn't matter from there on wether you win or lose in life, you simply keep on following the positive course, that way you can ALWAYS be confident no matter what happens, because you know that going for gold in your life is the only right way to live.

    If change was just a thought, then anyone could do it. But reality is that you can't just sit around feeling miserable for yourself and the situation you are in while being punched in the face by the reality of life. Those thoughts of change, can't become real if you just sit around feeling sorry for yourself, if you want to change then why would you stay in a state of paralyzation? If that happens it means you do not want to change, you are simply waiting for the world and people to change around you as you see fit, therefore

    Without walking, there's no way to move forward, you'll just end up waiting.

    Don't sit and wait, put yourself in the game called life. If you don't take the chance ,you'll put your life on a halt ,which is worse then being dead.

    There is no failure except in no longer trying.There is no honour in giving up. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our inherent weakness of purpose.

    It is therefore that you need to sit down and study hard, care not about your past, just focus on studying hard in order to save your future.



    Next is the problem of lacking compassion.


    You may or may not have noticed it, but everything in life is feeling

    You could replace the word feeling with insight , so having no feelings means having no insight into whats happening in this world. Why would you need this insight? Its the same as a blind person vs someone who can see.

    If we ask our blind person to get groceries, he will bang against everything and could get seriously hurt because he doesn't know anything about the world around him, worse is he goes into the wrong direction because he doesn't have a clue were the grocery story is, and the same counts for your life, you haven't got a clue where you are going, because you lack insight of the direction towards your future.

    At this moment you cannot afford losing time in asking yourself where your future is going, you really simply need to focus all your time on studying at this point in your life ,regardless of what is happening around you.

    Your future is in your hands.

    My last advice in how you can start 'feeling' at least a little bit more is by always asking yourself the question' what would it feel like, if i was in that persons shoes' and putting yourself in that position and then feel/think about it.
     
  3. obsidian image

    obsidian image New Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2008
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    0
    Well it's not as if I'm not trying really when it comes to school. I mean I go to class everyday and I try to understand and listen but it just won't register in my mind. Like it just won't go through, I can't apply what I learned and I just end up feeling lost and frustrated. It's as if the more I try and fail, the more I'm just admitting that I'm just a failure even when I do try. So it's like a numbing process while it's being done. Perhaps I'm not pushing myself enough? But I feel that if I do I'm just going to end up getting an anxiety attack and I want to avoid those as much as possible. I don't know if the numbness is a defense mechanism for that either.

    I don't really do much other than study really. Problems happen but I'm just kinda thinking about school so I don't really think about what else is going on but at the same time school is numb to me. So it's like school numbs everything and at the same time it's numbing. I don't even know if that made any sense to me. Maybe it's just all numb and one has nothing to do with the other.

    I try to put myself into other people's positions and well it's not as if I don't have emotion, I do. But it's just different. So I'll put myself in the position and I'll feel the emotion of anger or sadness or something like but it's just.. not the same. I don't know if I'm explaining myself correctly...
     
  4. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    11,333
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Awestralia
    How old are you? Not making a judgement just interested really. You've basically just given us the plot summation of Catcher in the Rye. What you're going through is something that is not exactly uncommon, especially for teenagers.


    Might be time to ask yourself a few questions about what you want out of life. Do you see yourself as an academic or physical type? I had a number of friends become disenfranchised with school, not care about anything and all that, like you have decribed. They went out and became mechanics, carpenters, landscapers and are happy and content in what they do now. It goes against the ethos of get good grades to to college get professional job, but so what? Live your life by how you want to live it, not by how others want you to live it.

    Although, I went through the same thing at around 15. Went to a dirt poor school in a very bad area, heaps of overdoses, crime all those fun things. My best guess is around 15% of my year is currently in prison. I was past caring. Just numb and didn't see a way out. I spoke with a few people (school counsellor, things like that) and worked out that I was a person who would either sink or swim - either become a bitter photocopier salesman who hated people who made something of their lives or do something.

    I chose the latter option. 6 years on, excellent job, finished 2 degrees in 5 years while working full time and have never been happier

    It is a decision that you need to make. Actually look deep inside of you to find the answer.

    Good luck.
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree

    Well you know this as said before is an 'attitude' problem.

    You are going in circles thinking , what if i fail what if i fail? in all honesty failing doesn't matter, what matters is that you do everything in your power to win and to put the situation towards your hands. You fail? Great that will give you learning experience ,and you keep fighting to win. If you think like that , going to school will be a win win situation , you gain while you lose and you gain while you win. But in the end you push towards winning because you'll put your life on a better platform once you gain accomplishments.

    Again there is no failure except in no longer trying.There is no honour in giving up. There is no defeat except from within, you know

    Most of the time school stuff can be overwelming, what you need is more training and study so that you master the material, what you need to do is exactly opposite of giving up, namely trying even harder, Push back and go for learning superiority.
     
  6. obsidian image

    obsidian image New Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2008
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think it's more like I'm trying to go for something that I'm not really adapted for. Okay, honestly it's Organic Chemistry. Hard as hell and I just can't stand that class. There's so much memorization and things of that nature. I'm not a memorizing type of person, more like a do it yourself kinda person. I'm interesting in the health field and chemistry kinda has something to do with it, but not really at the same time. It doesn't have as much to do with it as I would like or something.

    Perhaps I'm just trying to push myself for something that I can't do? Not really that I can't do, it's just something that... isn't in my learning interest or something like that. Am I going in circles?

    By the way, I'm 21 so would it be considered like a "college-life crisis"?

    My councilor is horrible and doesn't want to really help me at all. Do councilors from other schools help or do you actually have to be enrolled in that institute to receive the help?
     
  7. fray

    fray New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    Messages:
    5,282
    Likes Received:
    0
    What kind of therapist are you seeing? Professional or provided free by the school? Have they suggested any medication? I know meds are not always the way to go, but sometimes they really do help.

    What does the therapist say they're treating you for? Do they consider you to be depressed? Depression can cause the lack of caring that you describe.
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Ditch wrong councellers/theraphists/doctors immediatly, if they don't work for you replace them with people that do work, otherwhise your just stuck to worthless individuals.

    I still think that the only way to get thru that class is to fight as hard as you can for your future. Our bodies never wants to do the things that we dislike, but sometimes we have to for the sake of our own good on the long run. Its definitly a case like that, and if you don't fight to go forward, you'll only keep on going in circles.
     
  9. WGD87

    WGD87 New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2006
    Messages:
    50
    Likes Received:
    0
    I love art but I hate art history. I pushed myself through the motions of those classes. I cared about very little of anything in that class. I had no motivation to do better than passing. I don't feel you 100% and I am going to be honest about that but I can say I understand your position. If you don't like organic chemistry and that is a big part of your major you might wanna think twice about that. The wrong major, the wrong college, the wrong living situation.. I mean all of that can make you depressed. I agree this in an attitude thing. If you don't want to have that degree then why are you going for it? If you don't want to go to school why bother? Answer those questions. If you don't care about school then you are just wasting time sitting in a class. Of course, I think you do. If you want a new car in your life, its harder to get without that degree. If you want a nice house its hard to get without a nice job. Do you think more about school now or your future? You have to be motivated to do work in order to do it if this is how it is going right now. What makes you want to be there? You have to have an answer to this question.
     
  10. obsidian image

    obsidian image New Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2008
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yeah, I'm going to a school one. They don't really say that I have depression, and I don't really think I do either. They say something about anxiety though. Yeah, I know meds help but I'm not sure if I'm that advanced as to need them right now.
    Yeah, I agree with you about the whole "think twice" kind of thing. I just want to study Biology but they're pushing (they as in the school) that I do chemistry first and I hate it so much. Oh, don't get me wrong, I do want a degree because I know that with the job market as it is now, getting a job with no degree will be near impossible. I want to go to school it's just that particular class that's just killing it all for me. It's like a poison I guess I could describe it as. I think I'll have a better hold on things if I just go for a B.A. in Biology rather than a B.S. it just seems more reasonable to me because seeing all the classes that I hate and still have to take for a B.S. is really intimidating.
     

Share This Page