Feeling crowded in relationship

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Scott7, Jun 1, 2005.

  1. Scott7

    Scott7 New Member

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    Ok, well my girlfriend and i have been going out for almost 4 years (August 22)...and it kind of seems like we have grown up a little too fast sorta...Like for the past 2-3 years we've been basically living with eachother...like she stays at my house 80% of the time and the other 20% we're at her house...We also work together at the same job (her fathers company), and we sit like 20 ft away from each other...after work we go to my house and stay there and wake up together and go to work together, so on and so on every day, other then weekends obviously:)

    Well i'm not saying that i don't want to see her at all...i just kinda want more space, ya know...i feel like we're married...we are saving up for a place right now though

    We got into a pretty big fight the other day and there was talk about whether we should break up or stay together...she said that it seems like i don't love her as much anymore because i barely ask her out to eat and take her places, show interest to going out, she always has to ask...i told her that we see so much of eachother that i feel we are wearing eachother out...she said that she loves seeing me everyday...she said that she is willing to work with me to keep our relationship alive...i said ok..so we are going to spend some time alone during weekdays...shes gonna spend 2-3 days at her house on weekdays and we will stay with each other 2 days during week and weekends...

    I really love this girl and don't want to lose her, i want to make it work

    Does this seem like the right thing to do? Any comments are greatly appreciated, thank you.

    BTW i'm 20 (21 in July:) )

    Cliff Notes: I suggest reading it, its not too long...but basically i feel crowded in my 4 yr. relationship...i suggested that me and my SO spend a little less time together.
     
  2. Scott7

    Scott7 New Member

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    Another thing to add is that she doesn't really hang out with her friends that she use to in the beginning of our relationship...she sees me as her best friend and i love that...but i just think if maybe she tried haveing a girlfriend it would be easier for her...plus when we started going out my best friend was her best friends boyfriend...so we all hung out and stuff and they would hang out by themselves and me and him would, it was great
     
  3. Tornado6

    Tornado6 When the wind set down in funnel form and pulled y

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    I'm having a hell of a time with this right now, since I got laid off. I can't spend a lot of money to entertain myself, and my boyfriend is sometimes my only stimulation. I know it is driving him nuts, and being bored is driving me nuts. We're missing the "gosh, I missed you!" in our relationship right now. :(

    Spending time with other friends is a great idea. Shaking up your routine together is good too, but it can be hard, especially when money is tight. Maybe you could try a picnic at a local park some evening, or some other relatively savings-account friendly way to spend time doing something different that what you've done for the last three weeks straight.

    We just went out of town camping over the holiday weekend. It was so nice to be in a new place, doing new things, and not stressing terribly over the budget.
     
  4. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    i understand how you feel, not like that helps. what about getting another job? its great that you get to be with each other, but i know it can become difficult when you lose your sense of self. encourage her (and yourself) to hang out with old friends. you may mean the world to each other, but you shouldnt be each others world (entirely). develop indipentant hobbies, clubs actiavites that you dont do with each other. hang out with your own friends, and then hang out with her with your mutual friends.

    seeing someone every day 24/7 can be the quickest way to hate them. thats why its unwise to roommate with a close friend and why people should generally wait until moving in together. i used to live, work, school, eat, hang out and even shower with my bf ever day. we isolated ourselved in our own little world, and stopped being indipendant. dont let that happen.
     
  5. erobbins

    erobbins Active Member

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    it's really tough not getting bored/whatever with someone you spend that much time with.. I've had the same thing happen, the spark just dies when you're with someone so much.

    maybe you guys should take a break from living together.. I don't mean date other people, just stay at your own place and she at hers for the next few weeks or whatever.. rekindle the spark :x:
     
  6. Marla

    Marla New Member

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    What catches me off guard is that you are 20 years old and already are living with your girlfriend! I am 20 also, but there is no way my parents would ever let me live in a place with my boyfriend who I've been seeing a year now. Not only will they not let me, but I'm not physically ready to be living in a house with someone, let alone just myself.

    My boyfriend is my best friend too. I have lost friends in the past due to me being around him so much and ignoring my other friendships, but he truely is my best friend. I can tell him anything and everything.

    Unfortunately since my boyfriend and I are still living in our own houses with our families, we don't usually get to see each other until the weekends. Mon-Thurs he is busy with work and things around his house, and same with me. I think maybe if you two practiced being apart in your own homes for awhile things will be easier. Saving up for a house together may not be such a great idea for you two at this perticular moment. Later on down the road maybe, but if you are feeling this way, living together in one household isn't going to be solving much, whether you love her or not.
     
  7. Scott7

    Scott7 New Member

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    Thank you for your insight people...i really appriciate it
     
  8. Amanda Renee

    Amanda Renee New Member

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    i think it sort of happens.. where people in relationships get so comfortable and stop going out and doing things and are just with each other all the time. i know i did it. my relationship was only for two years.. but after we broke up.. for other reasons.. i realized the those things your talking about and trying to fix after my relationship was already over. it will be better for me in my next relationship bc i know those things and ill be more aware of them. but since your only 20 ... make sure to have alot of fun.. in and out of your relationship your only 20 once... i am sure youll probably work it out.. its okay to hang out with other people and other friends bc you know that at night you in fact will go to the same home and the same bed together and thats the best part. its fun missing each other.. but .. for you its for a few hours.. haha unlike me.. its a life time hahaha good luck!
     
  9. hi2u2

    hi2u2 New Member

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    my mom and dad had the opportunity to work together last year, my mom totally flat out said no way am i working with him. She told me its b/c she'd get sick of him so fast, she loves my dad, and htey have a great relationship, but she was like, i cant see him 24/7 i need my own time too.

    like they say, love grows fonder with distance, i think its for the best you guys are gonna make sure you have your alone time too.

    and you two need your own group of friends too, or at least yoru own interests
     
  10. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Sounds like you may be spending too much time together, or seeing too much of one another? You need to get back to the basics make the little things count and take a break; maybe go out with your buddies more or keep yourself busy, take a trip apart from one another.... if you miss one another, then you know somethings there at least emotionally....

    relationships are VERY complex, its necessary to iron out our own baggage before we can deal with anyone else's

    Also.... she's a "woman" and she will say anything to get her way, although her way isn't always right for her... women don't posess a great control of their logic so they don't realise it what may or may not be right for your relationship when they are thinking emotionally.... This is where YOU have to take charge....

    If you feel you two are wearing thin and becoming a bore, and it sounds like it to me (this happens to all couples periodically)....

    then you need to ignite the spark and passiona gain... Take more time apart from one another, do the little things again for one another etc....

    #1 dont spend as much time together "doing nothing"..
     
  11. cloversix9

    cloversix9 New Member

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    find another job
     

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