Feeling Betrayed

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by MarshyTheKid, Oct 6, 2008.

  1. MarshyTheKid

    MarshyTheKid New Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,892
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Spokane, Washington
    My girlfriend broke up with me Friday. We were in a LDR. We lived together over the summer and were talking of living together again after this year(I'm still in school, she isn't). She said that she doesn't feel passionate about us anymore.
    Why do I feel so betrayed? She mentioned this a month or two ago and we were working on it. I thought things were better because she came here for 2 weeks and things were amazing. When she went back she felt dispassionate about us.
    I don't know how to feel. I want to be mad, but I can't. I just feel... Betrayed. Betrayed that we were talking about the future. She was talking about it, and then the next thing nothing.
    I want someone to talk to. The one person I would go to talk to was her. I guess thats a good thing though. It means that I chose a girl I could be myself with and can talk to.
    I just don't know what to do. There isn't anything I can do. I want to get over her, yet I don't. I want her to realize that she did feel passionate about us and will want me back. But if that does happen, I don't know if I could take her back after feeling this much pain.
     
  2. Jovian

    Jovian New Member

    Joined:
    May 2, 2006
    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    0
    Give up hope on that ever happening now or you will never get over her.

    'cause If you don't.. I wish you well in the looong ride through your own personal hell.:hsd:
     
  3. audrey

    audrey New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2005
    Messages:
    2,542
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Down Under
    Awwwww it's human nature buddy. I'm sure you have changed the way you feel about someone or something? Try and do things for yourself, things you wouldn't have done or given priority when you were together.

    Unfortunately sometimes time is the healer.
     
  4. MarshyTheKid

    MarshyTheKid New Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,892
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Spokane, Washington
    I'm not expecting it and not really hoping. In a way I am, just to know that she is hurting too. Which I feel bad about wanting her to hurt also.

    I don't know how to stop thinking of her. I was head over heels for her. I have few friends here and I'm unhappy. The past week or two I've been depressed. Then she broke up with me. I was depressed that I'm unhappy with this school and that I have 1 year left. I want to make new friends, but I go to a christian college and don't have the same views as many people there. I like to drink. I like to swear. Most don't drink and most don't swear. I just don't feel at home there or with most of the people.
    I have been trying to surround myself with friends, but since I have about 5 or 6 here, its hard, especially since they all are having hard semesters and I have a lot of free time right now. I spent that free time talking to her.
    I felt like we were so good together( as cheesy as it sounds...). We liked many of the same things. Had the same views. Were into the same things also.
    I am trying so hard to forget about her. It is hard when so many things in my apartment and around town remind me of her and the good times we had.
     
  5. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Realize that she isn't hurting now, and probably won't. Remember, unless a breakup occurs for some tangible immediate reason (cheating, huge fight, some other major dealbreaker that just occurred), the person who initiates the breakup has usually checked out of the relationship before breaking up.

    But like someone else said, what you're going through now is perfectly normal. We feel for ya man. Look on the bright side...at least since it's an LDR, there will be less temptation to get back together after a few days.
     
  6. xconverge

    xconverge OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2008
    Messages:
    3,412
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    San Francisco, CA
    The exact same thing happened to me, EXACT. I had hope for a month or so after we broke up and that was the worst part. I finally gave up once I found out there was already another guy. The whole thing messed me up for a few months. It was mainly because I didnt move on and still had false hope. My best advice, keep your chin up and start getting closer to friends
     
  7. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2004
    Messages:
    23,699
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NoVA
    Red flag like a mother fucker. Break ups suck, man. I totally feel you on that. But it seriously sounds like you need to focus on yourself right now anyway. Get some friends and figure out how to make yourself happy. Right now that's the best thing you can do for yourself.
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    It's life man, I'm sorry. She most likely had fun fantasies of living together as well because planning for the future can be fun....but when reality sets in that changes things.

    The only way you'll get over her is the same way everyone who comes on here who gets dumped gets over their ex-cut off contact, take time for yourself, keep yourself busy.
     
  9. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2008
    Messages:
    1,816
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CdM, CA
    i think its actually a very mature thing that she was honest with you about how she was feeling, that she tried to make it work, and when it didnt, she told you that she wasnt feeling it anymore. much better than her keeping quiet and dragging you along i think

    still, break ups always hurt and it takes time to feel better. i think it will be a little bit easier since its LD because you wont be able to just go see her on a whim (which is never healthy after a break up)

    just keep yourself busy. its going to be hard and you are going to feel unhappy for a little while. but it does get better.
     
  10. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2003
    Messages:
    4,729
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Twin Cities, MN
    I've never met a girl that broke up with her boyfriend just to be single. IMO if a girl breaks up with a guy there is typically a new guy she is seeing.
     
  11. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2006
    Messages:
    6,624
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tallahassee, Fl
    Sounds familiar :rolleyes:

    Just forget about her. Its hard but your not dead, and what dosnt kill you, only makes you stronger. Get yourself a strong ego, and become more confident.

    You have to put it in your mind that she's the one missing out, and that YOU didnt lose anything.
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    :wavey: Did it twice during college. Not interested in any other guys, just wanted to be single because being single was always fun.

    But yes, many women do break up with guys because they are interested in other guys, the same way a lot of men dump girls when they are interested in another woman.
     
  13. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2003
    Messages:
    4,729
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Twin Cities, MN
    You're not like most girls beer... you're a diamond in the rough... :kiss:
     
  14. MarshyTheKid

    MarshyTheKid New Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,892
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Spokane, Washington
    I've been trying to forget about her and take time to myself and keep busy, but its hard when you don't have much to do.
    I realize it was the mature thing to do. Its best in the long run. We didn't agree fully on children and a couple other, smaller things. I'm glad she didn't lead me on longer. I'm not mad at her. I'm not sure what I am with her. My heart is just broken over it.
     
  15. MarshyTheKid

    MarshyTheKid New Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,892
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Spokane, Washington
    How do I cut off contact but be able to remain friends?
    I would like to be friends with her.
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    The same way everyone who ends up staying friends with their ex's.....you have got to seperate yourself from her for a long time, or at least as long as it takes for you to be completely emotionally over the two of you together. At the same time you have to give her time to make sure she feels the same and honestly she has to want to be friends as well. It's not going to be soon, so you need to give yourself that reality check now.
     
  17. MarshyTheKid

    MarshyTheKid New Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,892
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Spokane, Washington
    She says that she wants to be friends. I realize it won't be soon. I'm not sure I can be friends though. We were never really at the friend stage. I viewed her as my best friend and my partner while we were dating though.

    We'll see how things turn out. My last breakup I got over her quickly since I was mad.
    I need to get some projects to work on when I don't have homework instead of watching tv and surfing the internet.
     
  18. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Ahh ok, yeah, most girls say they want to be friends and it's not untrue....it's just not realistic for both parties. Both people have to be emotionally ready for a friendship only. Going into a "friendship" with the slightet inkling of "maybe we'll get back together :x:" will usually end in fail.

    For now I think you need to just take time to yourself and worry about me, myself and I. Keep yourself busy. After a bad breakup my grades improved because I focused on school for once.
     
  19. MarshyTheKid

    MarshyTheKid New Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,892
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Spokane, Washington
    I hate myself for this following post...
    I was emailing my best friend, who is dating her best friend. He told me that she is feeling really shitty and her view on love is she only believes it if it is all powerful to the point of paralyzing her.
    As much as it will make it more painful, I am tempted to message her. I know she wants to talk to me and I want to talk to her. I shouldn't but part of me feels like I should.
    I'm going to get torn apart for this post. My feelings are just all over.
    I am doing a bit better today though. I'm not as sad. Not as depressed.
     
  20. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2006
    Messages:
    6,624
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Tallahassee, Fl
    The first month is going to be miserable and horrible, thats a given. Just have to push forward and dont make any contact with her, trust me, just went through this myself over the summer
     
  21. MarshyTheKid

    MarshyTheKid New Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,892
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Spokane, Washington
    I did end up talking to her online. I went against everyones advice not to do that, but to be honest, I am glad I did. We are talking and going through things. Its helping me a bit to do this. I am confused on what to do. I want to continue contact because i like it and its helping me deal with this, but I don't want to keep in contact too much otherwise I won't get over her. But finding the right amount will be hard since I don't want to get over her.
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    :uh:
     
  23. MarshyTheKid

    MarshyTheKid New Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,892
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Spokane, Washington
    Feelings. What to do. How we are handling things.
    I am glad we talked. I'm trying to decide what to do. How much contact is too much so I won't fall out of love with her, but how much is too little, so we might not be friends.
     
  24. MarshyTheKid

    MarshyTheKid New Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,892
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Spokane, Washington
    You took that wrong. I was saying I need to find a point. A point where we don't break all contact and don't become friends, but a point where we don't keep in too much contact and I end up not being able to fall out of love with her.
    Meaning I need to fall out of love with her.
     
  25. MarshyTheKid

    MarshyTheKid New Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,892
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Spokane, Washington
    And since I talked to her I realized that we won't get back together. Not unless we work on a lot of things.
    I am accepting this and working on moving on.
     

Share This Page