Fear of success?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by sapient, Mar 30, 2008.

  1. sapient

    sapient New Member

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    Cliffs: My roommate has great game, but won't take steps to close with girls that he likes and that obviously like him. He'll set up dates but not go through with them, he'll be kissed but not kiss back, and on one occasion, kicked a girl out of his bed. I'm positive he's not gay. How do I help?

    I'm the type that tries to help my friends and cares about them, so I'm concerned about my roommate. He's a virgin, never even kissed a girl, never been on a date. There's no good reason, however. He's pretty built, well-dressed, intelligent, well-spoken, and, for the most part, confident.

    However, I'm at a loss how to help him overcome his current problems with women. He met a girl at a party we threw at our house, used a combination of techniques he read from The Game, The Art of Seduction, and some random body language book he picked up, and it worked flawlessly (on a side note, watching him in action at the bars, he's pretty damn good at opening and building interest). It's obvious to everyone but him that the girl wants him.

    He was supposed to call her yesterday to finalize a date for today. I just found out that he didn't. He's trying to blow it off like he's got more important things to do, or that he doesn't care, or that we're going out to the bars tonight and he can easily just meet someone else. But that's the thing: no matter how many girls he meets, he never takes the steps to finish anything he starts. He'll get their interest and then get stage fright - probably because he hasn't got the confidence and knowledge that comes with sexual experience - and not just call it off, he'll downright flee. In addition to completely running away from a sure thing on this girl, he's kicked a girl out of his bed that wanted him (though he claims he was drunk and doesn't remember why), and even was kissed by a girl he's had a crush on for years, but he didn't kiss her back, and basically ran from the situation, never called her or anything.

    Before you say what you believe is obvious, I'm absolutely, 100% sure he's not gay. He just has some crippling fear that's keeping him back I think.

    What can I do to help him? I want to see him succeed, but any time I try to give him a coaching session, build up his confidence, discuss what he did wrong and what he can do better in the future, or anything else, he either brushes it off like it's no big deal that he won't see these things through to the end, or just gets defensive and signals that the conversation is over.

    I'm sorry about the long post, but I really want to help him. Any thoughts?

    (For demosnat: you met him, Asti, the guy you thought came off as gay, lol)
     
  2. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    push him really hard for baby steps. Don't come down on him and be like "you are fucking so and so or you're gay" Just push him through the steps on at a time. set up and go on a date, kiss a girl, get naked with a girl, etc etc...
     
  3. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    If you really are 100% sure he's not gay (I am not sure how you could be 100% sure about that) then I would say his primary problem is his fear or inexperience.

    If he hasn't really kissed a girl and is a virgin he probably flirts with her and spits game to setup a date and when it comes time to go through with it he realized that he doesn't know how to kiss, and what if she wants to have sex.. he has no idea how to do that... how to get it started, if he'll be good at it, what moves and positions are good, how to do foreplay, etc...
    He's probably terrified of being embarrassed because he's so inexperienced.

    Of course, the other possibility is that he just doesn't want to deal with the bs of dating or being involved. Believe it or not, I do have friends that could get chicks if they tried but they don't want to. They don't like the drama, they don't like spending the money, and they would just prefer to keep their head clear and do their own thing.
    I know that sometimes I get like this. Dating is a huge hassle and aside from making a connection with a great girls (pretty rare) and having sex dating kinda sucks.

    I am willing to bet however that his problem is absolutely the first one.... He's just inexperienced and gets stage freight because he doesn't want to get embarrassed.

    To help him out maybe go on a double date with him or try to get him involved with another girl who isn't terribly experienced herself... that might put him at ease as opposed to trying to date a girl who's slept with 4 guys and has been experiencing sexually affiliated things for years.
     
  4. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I knew it was him as soon as I saw the thread title.
    I've never been more sure that someone is gay in my life :p
    Homework time, have fun out without me :wtc:
     
  5. ww_Crimson

    ww_Crimson New Member

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    he'll be kissed but not kiss back,



    ..never been kissed..



    Make up your mind.
     
  6. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    That "crippling fear" could be crippling disinterest...and whatever is making you think he's 100% not gay could be all an act.

    That said, it sounds like he may be inexperienced and shy about it.
     
  7. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    Maybe he's really kinky and ashamed of it? I've been in situations where I'm pretty sure I had the opportunity, but wasn't turned on by lack of kink I perceived in the other person and my own sudden shame at realizing that I might come off as really fucking weird.

    OR he might just need more time to warm up to the person. While most dudes should get insta aroused by a hot girl giving him signals, he might be turned off by what he perceives as a whorish girl giving him too many signals too fast. Not everyone wants to jump straight into the sack, they need some time to build up sexual tension and trust. He might need a girl that lets him chase her for a little bit. I don't think this is something you can "help" him with.
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2008
  8. squid

    squid braap

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    any history of sexual abuse in his past?
     
  9. danewreed

    danewreed OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    OP, it sounds like you are a close friend. Sometimes when I have a close friend that doubles as a roommate and I share so much with, connection wise, I don't really get into dating that much - its almost like I'm in a relationship with the roommate.

    Everybody moves at their own pace. Why not throw parties at the house?

    It seems like he's young and more focused on perfecting his "game" that he could carry through his next steps in life than being in a committed relationship - totally normal IMO.
     
  10. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    :rofl:

    will need details about this now.
     
  11. sapient

    sapient New Member

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    He's very energetic, one might call him flamboyant. :rofl:
    He does still attact women though.
     
  12. squid

    squid braap

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    How does the fact that he attracts women mean he's not gay? If anything I'd say it was the opposite--women love gay men because they're nonthreatening and don't turn into slobbering 4-year olds when they see boobs.
     
  13. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    LIES. :rofl:

    But I still want to know what makes you sure he isn't because all the signs point to likely.
     
  14. squid

    squid braap

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    Is it just me? :mamoru:
     
  15. JT07

    JT07 OT Supporter

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    kinda sounds like me :wtc:
     

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