SRS Familiar with Bipolar? maybe you can help give me clarity....

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Kontact, Jan 18, 2005.

  1. Kontact

    Kontact Zombish

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    Sort of long I apologize but very important to me and could really use some help.

    Cliff notes (get to the point) - *

    My girlfriend has Bipolar-*, we have been together since end of June. This has literally been the most amazing time in my life, from the second I met her I instantly felt she was the exact girl I have always wanted to meet and could practically marry on the spot. We almost moved in together, are practically the same people etc... honestly i may have a problem I dont know but for the most part I hate most people, I am very picky and her and I share the same feelings.

    Here is the problem, she stopped taking her medication-* around christmas, I believe it may have been about a week before or so. The whole time I knew her she was on it, always did good aside from getting very tired due to its effects (Zyprexa). I have seen her at times where she missed it for a day or two and she would get irritable right away and seemed angered towards me easily, however she was always aware and let me know why she was that way. As soon as she would take it she was fine.

    * - Last time we hung out was Dec. 27th, she stayed overnight, i gave her presents to her, happy as could be, sex, etc.... dropped her off at work the next day everything still normal. She had to work extra that week so I didnt get to see her for New Years. Fast forward to next Monday, we had still been talking on the phone daily and nightly like normal however when her days off came she didnt see me, im fine with her seeing her friends but this was the first time it seemed weird. I found out that Friday from her that her current mood was that she felt she hates me but she knows she doesnt actually hate me, just that its her mood that is making her feel that way. I understood, despite how bad it sounded but I feared this would happen being off her meds. My biggest problem was that the phone calls and communication started to die with it, worried me all the time as I knew she was very depressed and Manic. The next week came and at this point she was still not answering her phone when i called, I would eventually get a hold of her after leaving a frantic voicemail and I could tell she was concerned for me as well but it was very hard to call me in her current mood.

    *-This past week it grew worse, she told me that she is very manic right now and she doesnt know what she wants, to be with me or be alone because her mood is fucking with her so bad she cant tell whats going on. Also when I spoke to her she sounded like she was clinching her teeth, and it was hard for her to get full words out, mostly made noises as replies, it was so scary to hear her like this :( . She said she hates everyone right now, I give her credit as she stayed on the phone as long as I needed her to so we could talk about what was going on but it was VERY hard for her to do and she grew very angry so I let her go. I know she cares about me and there isnt much she can do til this thing lifts. However it was her choice whether or not to stop the meds.

    So the way I see it, we were an amazing couple right until she stopped the meds, all her symptoms came back within a week and this is when it all went down hill. Due to this I feel confident we would still be together and fine if she hadnt stopped (am i wrong here?). She could never go a day or night without talking to me, to all the sudden practically overnight not answering when i called. She has been cleaning her house like crazy and the only person she will currently see is her best friend Megan.

    Will she come back to me? doesn she remember us? will she call me again?

    I have read TONS about Bipolar and its so scary to see these things actually happening, I was willing to do anything to work with her on it, but without meds it seems hopeless.

    I have never been this depressed or sad in my life, she is the most amazing person I have ever met. I would give anything in the world just to be with her, material objects mean nothing to me.

    Thanks for any help, this is tearing me apart. :wtc:

    Also if anyone here has bipolar, has been through relationships and anything similar and wouldnt mind talking on aim that would be cool. Let me know.
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2005
  2. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    First, its called Bipolar Depression.

    Second... she stopped taking the meds, knowing what would happen. She sounds miserable. But she hasn't started taking them again. I have to think that if everything was really hunky dory, that she wouldn't have stopped taking them. It sounds like maybe she is using her illness as a way to break up with you. She has to be well, after all, to be with you... and she has chosen not to be well.

    Why did she stop taking her meds? What reason has she given as to why she stopped taking them, and why she won't go back on them?

    I think its time to mosey, fella. Time to move on. She's not well enough to be in a relationship, and she's not interested in being well... so there's your answer. Maybe she'll change her mind, and maybe not. But you need to move on if she won't get help/back on meds. Say this to her, and then actually do it.

    Move on.
     
  3. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You should listen to him. No one knows the road better than one who's walked it before you.
     
  4. intellectual property

    intellectual property these pretzels are making me THIRSTY!

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    nice analysis. i concur.
     
  5. Kontact

    Kontact Zombish

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    She said she stopped taking them because she was tired of being cracked out all the time. She also felt she wasnt on the right stuff and was angry at the doctor for not trying anything else. However, she seemed to do well on them, I have seen her when she missed it for a day or two and she got irritable and moody instantly but she was able to warn me and said she just needs to take it and she will be fine, which she was. She also said her prescription is up and she has to see the doc before a refill, also keep in mind she has no insurance and her family life is shit and they dont care, so thats $200 every refill.

    As for doing this on purpose to break up with me I have considered but doubt it highly. We went from perfect to this within a week of her stopping her meds (or her prescription being empty). The first week was still pretty normal but I could tell she was different, still normal communication. Then the second week we still talked but we werent seeing each other, thats when she finally told me due to her current mood she felt she hated me but knew she didnt actually hate me, and that if she hung out with me in that state she may end up freaking out on me for no reason. She also said she didnt want to break up and feared that if she was to freak out at me, also said she wants it to work but we have to let this thing ride out (she is manic right now).

    So thats where its at, I am completely clueless at this point, I have done rediculous amounts of research and as long as she is in this state none of us will ever know the truth til she comes down.
     
  6. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Well dude, for whatever reason: your girlfriend has elected to be crazy. Remember that: she decided to do this, knowing full well what would happen. As long as she's like this, she has no place in her life for you.

    You're not in a relationship, even if you're not broken up. You're single. So is she.

    You're going to have to deal with that.
     
  7. Kontact

    Kontact Zombish

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    I understand that, we are technically apart right now after the last convo when she stated that she doesnt know whats she wants. Thing is other bipolar people have told me that sometimes they choose to stop because they want that high and are tired of being draggy and sleepy all day. Also, so lets say she stopped them to end this, well would if she goes back on them, or when she comes back down from this manic phase, what makes you think she wont go right back to calling me etc....? just curious and I appreciate the help.

    Also if you dont mind me asking were you in a similar situation or do you have it yourself? I am just trying to understand whats going on is all. It wasnt at all your typical "this isnt working out" or anythign like that.
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2005
  8. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Yeah, I'm bipolar. I've gone on mood stabilizers before in an attempt to sustain a relationship. I've come off meds when I shouldn't have.

    Nothing with her is going to be typical... but she's moved on. She's moved from sanity with you... to insanity without you. She did it on purpose. I mean, you can't even TALK to her she's so fucking nuts right now. This is not someone that you want to be in a relationship with.

    Sure, maybe she'll get back on the pills and everything will be fine again. But then who's to say that she won't just do this all over again? The number one problem in psychiatry is that people don't take their motherfucking meds. She's one of those people. There are downsides to mood stabilizers. But you're viewing the alternative.

    You need to move on. I can feel it. You understand that she KNEW that this would happen when she stopped taking her meds, right? And she did it anyway?
     
  9. Kontact

    Kontact Zombish

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    You are right that even if she got back on them who's to say she wont just do this again. I have been warned by so many from the start of this back in summer. Thing that sucks is all has been great literally until she stopped the meds. When she let me know that, I KNEW more or less this was bound to happen just not to this degree. Its one of those believe it when you see it type things.

    I still am not sure I agree that she stopped this to end us, I have spoke with others who said they sometimes get to a point where they feel well enough that they dont need them anymore. That, or they are sick of sleeping sometimes for 20+ hours which happend to her sometimes.

    I know I should be thinking well if she cared enough about us why would she do it? but she is human, this past year has only been her first year on meds and she wasnt truly diagnosed til last year as well after a bad manic episode. Its just weird that she went off them, then still tried to maintain and keep things normal between us, but obviously as the days went by she slipped more and more as I watched (or heard since this was over the phone). Severly depressed one day, manic 3 days later. Its possible she could be having a mixed episode which is even worse I hear. I know she has already been shopping like crazy and even went to a psychic which is a big waste of money which she really doesnt have. Of course the psychic told her she is about to hit rock bottom severely and if she believes that shit its just more fuel for the fire.

    During the first month together she was honest with me and told me about her condition. She also had me promise her not to let her do anything stupid in relation to it, bad decisions etc... and one of them being stopping her meds. Well whether that was fair of her to do or not I agreed and I care alot about her. So now im in this shitty spot, the most I can think of doing at this point is drop a letter in her mom's mailbox to keep her aware of whats going on as my gf lives alone and it kills me to just let her be when she is out of her mind. I think you can understand that, im not just going to toss her aside, relationship or not I care about her as a person. Sucks.
     
  10. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Drop the letter in her mom's box. Better yet, call her mom. She charged you with that authority, apparently.

    I understand that you're not gonna toss her... I just also want you to understand that maybe a relationship with her isn't viable. I mean, remember: when she skipped a day or two of her medication, your relationship had serious problems because of her moods. And she is lucent enough to know that coming off the meds has split you guys. Still, she chooses not to take them.

    I think you need to stop looking at this so much as a boyfriend, and start looking at this as a friend. Do what you can to help her... but you've got to distance yourself from her, if you can, for a while. I mean emotionally. Don't imagine everything being groovy again. I don't think thats helpful.
     
  11. Kontact

    Kontact Zombish

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    Good words, good words. I definitely realize the relationship maybe can never succeed, but at this point its definitely more about her as a person, a friend. I will drop the letter tonight, I dont have her moms number though. Unfortunately her mom never seems to take much of it seriously, hopefully this will put some ideas in her head. I am going to a meeting in a little bit for friends and family of those with bipolar disorders. Whether she speaks to me or not I need insight for myself as this definitely messed with my head.

    Thanks again for the reply.
     
  12. TheGrudge

    TheGrudge Guest

    On thsi subject... if someone could please give some links to pages online that talk dealing with a spouse that has bi-polar or other similar mental problems... it would help my current situation seing as though my wife is having a hard time understanding and dealing with my own Bi-Polar Disorder.
     
  13. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    Kontact, would you like to live like this for the rest of your life. Peyomp has a good perspective on this. Put a few states between you and this girl.
     

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