SRS Falling in love with this girl was the best and worst thing I've done

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Kiamo, Apr 4, 2005.

  1. Kiamo

    Kiamo Cars and code eat up all my time that a woman isn'

    Mar 8, 2005
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    Kansas City, MO
    This is a pretty wierd story and kinda long, I guess I'll condense it as much as I can...

    So a couple years ago my best friend was going out with this girl. They had a good relationship at times, but it was on and off again several times. Anyway, eventually it was supposidly over. I liked the girl, but never made any moves towards her before on account of my friend.

    Anyway, right after that I went away to school (1300 miles from home). I started talking to this girl over AIM relativly frequently, and a while later, she tells me she loves me. Shit. Well, it turned in to a rather unusual relationship. Long distance of course, but my step-dad was working for American Airlines, so I could fly home for free whenever I had a break (usually at least 1 weekend a month, frequently more).

    Well, I fell in love with this girl pretty hardcore in a rather short amount of time. I wish I could say what it was about her, but I have no idea on specifics. She seemed pretty in to me at the time, and I was happy. I improved a lot about myself thanks to her, and if it wasn't for her, I very well might have dropped out of college. This is why she was the best thing that happened to me... self-betterment and ensuring my future came out as good as it did.

    Well, after I guess like 5-6 months or so, something seemed odd. She stopped saying she loved me on the phone and seemed... different. Through various clues and whatnot, I aroused a rather strong suspicion something was going on between her and a particular friend of mine. I got the idea to write a program that would send me his AIM logs with her when he ran it... I was quite iffy to send him it at first, but a couple friends pushed me to do it, so I did. I got the log, opened it up, and searched for my name. First couple results were nothing... then I saw something along the lines of 'I just hope [my name] doesn't find out. I don't want him to get hurt.' Right then I'm pretty sure any emotional bit inside me died like a nuclear bomb went off. The couple nights following that were, needless to say, horrible. I don't know why, it had only been several months or so, I didn't even live in the same city as her at the time... but for some reason I was crazy about her. Next time I flew up there, she hardly talked to me. After a few hours at her house talking to her parents and sister about whatever, she finally went outside to talk, and then it was over.

    I've cried twice since I can remember. Once when my dad (very special to me) died of ALS, and the other time was from this.

    So I finish out school (accelerated program, I was done in 13 months after skipping a class) and move back home. I get my own place, secure a pretty nice job, and everything was working out fine. Just recently bought me a pretty nice new sports car. But there's a problem.

    I have a girlfriend, but I just can't get myself to really like her. And its not just her. Any girl I talk to I just find myself comparing back to the one that hurt me most. Its like I can't fall for anyone again. I still keep thinking about her way too much. I don't know what to do about this. Its like a part of me died or something. I wish I could just forget about her... forget she ever exsisted and forget how she made me feel when it was good... This is why it was the worst thing I've ever done.

    So that's the story. Long as hell, sorry... can't blame you if you don't read it. I just don't know what to do. All my friends just tell me to forget about her. I try, I try to not mention her, but for some reason it keeps poping back in my mind. I guess I'm just looking for any advice or suggestions here... Everything in my life is going great... except for that. I want that feeling back.
  2. AO

    AO New Member

    Mar 16, 2005
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    If you really did fall in love with her - then you'll probably never really fall out of love. Nothing you can do except accept it and allow Nature to show you the next one to come. And it will come - just as soon as you let go of this one. Time does heal most wounds. You just have to know that the mind lies - it remembers things to be better than they really were. The mind is romantic and not a realist. In short the mind lies.

    But you've been scarred - you probably won't be able to trust a woman for awhile. But one will eventually come into your life that will make it all better.

    btw, get better friends - what you did was illegal (afaik).

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