Explain to me this...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Amanda Ann, Nov 4, 2009.

  1. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    I'm perplexed about something, and I have my own theories, but I'm just wondering what you guys thought..

    So, why is it, if a chick is cheating on her boyfriend/husband often times her girl friends get upset about it, think it's wrong, etc.? But, if a guy is cheating on his girlfriend/wife, his guy friends are (more often than not) ok with it - turning the other eye OR even patting them on the back?? :dunno
     
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2009
  2. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    I don't know what you mean by this
    Lots of women protect their gfs that are cheating.
     
  3. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    I guess I'm not the typical guy when it comes to this then.....

    I would only "turn the other eye or even pat them on the back" IF the girl is somebody that I absolutely despise and I don't really care for, or the guy can't get out of that relationship for some reason or another.

    I think cheating's disgusting regardless of gender.......and I've actually lost a friend because of this. I pretty much told him that I wasn't gonna stand on him cheating on his gf and that if she ever asked me, I would tell her straight up because she didn't deserve to be lied to......well, needless to say he and I started to hang out less (cause he always cheated on her on nights out or as a result of nights out) and friendship dead or I guess just eventually died out thanks to time.

    Would I ever help out a friend hide his paramour antics? Most likely not, but I've never been in that situation before, so can't say for a fact.
     
  4. bacdo

    bacdo New Member

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    Sounds ridiculous. I was in the navy for 6 years and I knew of a ton of friends that cheated on their wives (Also a ton of women that cheated on their husbands). I was never happy about it, but then again I wasn't sad about it either. The proper way to see it is that it was none of my business and it was not my place to say anything. This is the proper and probably the most general way that most men will see it.

    Don't get it twisted either.
     
  5. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    I think it is wrong to get involved that much. But I had girl friends that cheated on their boyfriends and I didn't blame them or give them any shit for it, partly because I disliked their boyfriends! Not saying I did a good thing, but I don't necessarily rule out a friend just because she cheated. However I try not to get involved or help her in it.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    SO thinks it's disgusting and has mentioned how he'd have to back away from any close friend who was cheating. The fact that your man finds it funny...well that would bug me.
     
  7. J_75

    J_75 New Member

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    I try to stay out of other peoples business as far as cheating, and I've never given a high-five or whatever to someone who's cheating....male or female

    Side note: There is a guy who I was friends with at work who is married, has 1 kid and his wife is pregnant with their 2nd. He's been cheating on his wife with a girl at work, and is now separating from his wife. I basically stopped talking to him, and avoid him as much as possible now. He asked me about it one day and I told him that I don't care what he does outside of work, but when he brings his dirty laundry into MY workplace I do care....a lot. He told me "you don't understand..." I said "Yes I do, you are screwing up what little peace we have at work. This whole thing is going to blow up, and now you are dragging us along for the ride. Thanks but no thanks. Please don't talk to me anymore."

    Everyone that is cheating thinks its as simple as getting your dick wet, and they have no idea how much it messes EVERYTHING up. I've been in too many offices with too many hookups. I'm tired of seeing this shit.

    If you have to cheat, have the decency to do it outside of work :rant:





    apologies for the mini-rant
     
  8. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Either way, I think its messed up too.
    I've got a co-worker of mine who is messing around behind his baby's momma's back and he talks about it to me and i'm like :ugh: but I listen to him for the most part. Its all very :ugh: and it sucks that he is doing that to his GF but thats how it is.

    But to answer your question, IMO, some guys see it like if he can handle two girls then he must be "cool" or whatever you'd like to call it.

    Some guys kind of put the cheating male on a higher level of status, "player" status.
     
  9. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    I guess as with everything there are women out there who protect their gfs. I just know in my circle of gfs we would kick each other's asses.. :hs:


    Maybe funny wasn't the right word to use. I think it was more amusing to him that I was bothered by it and have already judged this man I've never met. I think he's very indifferent to the whole situation - doesn't care one way or the other. Which I guess is what bothers me. But, digging deeper, apparently this guy has a track record of wandering... so maybe his friends are just immune to it by now.


    I feel better that there are men out there who feel/think the opposite of what I thought. But, maybe with everything else, they talk a big talk, but, deep down they are appalled.. :dunno:
     
  10. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I know a guy that cheated on his SO and somewhat bragged about it. Had another guy that crossed so many lines that I would not cross while in a relationship that I consider it cheating. These are good guys and while I don't condone their actions, they're friends and good people.

    IMO, to end a friendship because your friend cheats is re-fucking-diculous!!

    Look we all have to potential to lose our way in life and everyone of us will make bad choices. Friends can help us realize the consequences of our bad behavior and help us change. We need less judgment and more acceptance/tolerance. Acceptance is not the same thing as condoning their behavior and many people confuse this.

    IMO your SO is laughing because he sees you as naive and perhaps a bit of a prude. I also think it's possible that he might be cheating on you and is laughing because you're so blissfully unaware.

    I think you're bothered by his laughter because of what it means for your long term relationship. I think you realize that at a deep level, if he is this cavalier about an issue that is serious to you, then when he's presented with a choice to cheat or not to cheat....he's more likely to cheat than not. In other words, if he would cheat on you, you wouldn't want to continue with your relationship. So his laughter exposed the possible end of your relationship. I could be totally off base with that....it's just a theory.

    It's also ridiculous to think that this is limited to men only or even to think that this occurs more often in men than women. We simply can't answer this definitively and will simply answer it based on our experience.

    Group dynamics also come into play here. There are many studies that have shown people acting against their belief simply because a group of others were present. This influence is NOT exclusive to large groups and the other people don't have to be friends....they can be strangers. When interviewed later, people will say things like, "Well I wanted to speak up but everyone else was saying it was correct so I just went along with the crowd."

    Just my $.02
     
  11. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Well said.

    I agree that these dynamics are also at play.
     
  12. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    These men are out there.
     
  13. PlutoBHG

    PlutoBHG New Member

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    sounds like a generalization based on your own experience...
     
  14. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    I think you have it wrong about men. Men don't give high fives when another guy cheats on his SO. Most of the time if men are cheating they keep it to themselves.
     
  15. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    except Mcohen:rofl: Where is he by the way?
     
  16. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    I don't have friends that cheat. I've lost friends over it before.

    Also gender roles and gender stereotypes like that piss me off. Next you're going to tell me that it's not okay for girls to sleep around, but it is for men. :rolleyes: If that's how you see things then I'd seriously question the people you associate with because that is not at all the kind of people I have in my life.
     
  17. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest

    I guess it really all depends on the person and the type of relationship.

    A friend of mine cheated on his GF a couple times and I didn't get involved at all, i didn't think it was right but I also knew that he didn't care very much about her in the first place. She was more into the relationship than he was and it eventually led to them breaking up.

    He knew he wasn't going to marry her and I knew that too so it didn't matter to me.


    being married is another thing though, there is absolutely no excuse and the fact that he would consider doing so much to cover his ass makes me question the guys judgment with other things, sounds like a creep IMO. :dunno:
     
  18. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    ^ bolded is pretty raw and real.. thanks.

    But he's not cheating on me. It's not something I'm suspicious of, or have any reason to be suspicious of.

    :rofl::rofl: It's okay for women to sleep around. I slept around. It's ok for men to sleep around. Sex is sex and people should be having a lot of it. So it's not really how I see things.. ;)
     
  19. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Where do you draw the line then? Do you have friends who beat their wives? Will you stay friends with someone if they molest a child once? How about 3 times? At what point does it go from tolerance to condoning? Personally I'm intolerant to people cheating on their SO's and I'm proud to say that.
     
  20. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    And all the power to you for that. But why the fuck do you always relate things to beating their wife?

    Molesting a child and beating your wife is in an entirely DIFFERENT ballpark then cheating.

    Simple rule maybe you should start applying. Is cheating on your wife illegal? Nope

    Is beating your wife or molesting a child illegal? Hell yeah.

    And before you start pulling metephores out of your ass to defend yourself, I'm not saying you are wrong for not being friends with people who cheat. But personally I don't judge anyone based on their relationships.

    Example: I have a buddy right now who is cheating on his girl, they have a 1.5 year old girl at home. He's planning on cheating on her until next june at which point he'll leave. The reason for this is he is paying for everything including her education, and it's in both her and the child's best interest that mom gets an education. And even though he can't stand his babies momma he's supporting her while getting some action on the side. You wouldn't be friends with this guy?
     
  21. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    What metaphors? I'm citing examples of things that are generally not tolerated to point out that when you are friends with someone despite their choices, you are, in fact, co-signing their shit on some level. Otherwise why wouldn't you be friends with rapists and murderers? The point is people tend to be too tolerant of cheating, which is one of the reasons it runs rampant in our society. And to answer your question, no, I wouldn't be friends with that guy. None of the bullshit you posted justifies the cheating.
     
  22. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    The metaphor's you like to use in every other thread when you and I "debate". And again if you don't want to be friends with cheaters that's your prerogative.

    Where specifically do you draw the line FS? People that bite their finger nails? Are they bad people? How about people that don't wash their hands after wiping their ass? Think about all the people and things they'd be contaminating... ewww.

    Just seems ridiculous to me to draw one standard line and hold everyone against it :dunno:
     
  23. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    I fail to see how biting nails could be construed as a moral issue. Not washing hands after wiping their ass is fairly gross, but again not a moral issue.

    I'm not friends with people who are selfish to the point of putting their own desires over the feelings of others. My friends are the kind of people who are honest, caring, and moral. They don't molest children, they don't beat their wives, they don't cheat on their partners, they don't steal from people, they don't lie and manipulate to get what they want. I fail to see how that makes me a fucked up person. :rofl:
     
  24. haargerman

    haargerman ayuh.

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    IMO, He considered adding him to his cell phone plan because of the monetary gains. It will be cheaper for the both of them to split the bill two ways.

    :dunno:
     
  25. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    You'll notice I keep saying you aren't wrong. I just don't get the drawing of the line. How about drug addicts (coke, crack, K, the harder stuff)? How about ex drug addicts? Those might be better examples?

    Those type of drug addicts are notoriously shady people who make bad choices and lie and sometimes steal (depending on how much money they have) to get their next fix. I'm assuming you wouldn't be friends with a drug addict. How about an ex drug addict, that person still most likely lied and made bad choices that probably hurt others in their past...

    Again I'm not saying you're wrong. Just think it's a little to easy to point fingers for you. And a line should be applied to each individual, not each individual applied to the line.

    Someone like Mccohen or whatever his name was, I couldn't be friends with. Someone who is supporting their babies mother while in school (food, clothes, baby costs) while also paying for her education so that she will be in a better position even though he can't stand her with every ounce of his being, I can understand that.
     

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