SRS Experiences with a financially unstable girl.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by GMtime, Dec 5, 2008.

  1. GMtime

    GMtime New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2007
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    I am not used to sharing personal things with other people, so this will be interesting for me.

    I have been dating a girl for about 2.5 years. I am 26, she is 23.
    We generally get along well, with the exception for life goals and financial planning.
    I have worked pretty much my whole life and am working hard to save up money for my future. ie: a house, possibly a new car, to survive when our economy really hits rock bottom! Her attitude toward working is a lot more relaxed. If she has xx dollars of bills a month she will only work just enough to pay those bills.
    I pay all my bils on time, she always waits till the payment due date or later... I have tried to kindly bring up these concerns with her numerous times with little response. Her typical response is "I will pay it tomorrow" (which becomes perpetual) or "Sorry, I was brought up this way".
    I know I should not worry about her financial situation, but her poor planning skills really bother me. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to change her, but on the other hand I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who can not manage/understand money.

    I guess I am posting this to hear fedback from peers and maybe even other people who have been though something similar before.
     
  2. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2007
    Messages:
    3,795
    Likes Received:
    0
    Fixed. You can't change her and you're going to have to deal with it or find someone else.
     
  3. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2007
    Messages:
    12,791
    Likes Received:
    20
    Location:
    Nowhere
    It may be her way of getting you to take control of her finances. Like her saying "im a girl and cant do this, you do it".
     
  4. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2005
    Messages:
    97,795
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary, AB
    Tell her exactly that. That you need to know the person you're spending your life with will be financially mature, and that you need to see that from her
     
  5. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2005
    Messages:
    97,795
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary, AB
    either that, or tell her to pass control over her finances to you, and just manage the money :dunno:
     
  6. Coddle

    Coddle New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2006
    Messages:
    1,121
    Likes Received:
    0
    Do you really want to be with someone that could possibly keep you from reaching your financial goals? If a woman doesn't have good money management then I wouldn't even consider being with that person for the rest of my life, thats just me though.
     
  7. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Money/Finances are one of the biggest issues in a relationship. You already know what her habits are, heck, you've probably known about them for awhile.

    It may be easy to dismiss now and think "Oh. it won't bother me THAT much"...but down the line, it will. Especially as you get closer to your own goals.
     
  8. GMtime

    GMtime New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2007
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks for the input guys.

    I do feel this is becoming a problematic issue. I am at the point in my life things are fairly good, I almost have my car paid off and I have no debt. My living/housing expenses are relatively low (rent+utilities+internet+food). If we were to break-up I would have to move back in with my parents. While that is not the most favored choice, it is a fallback option.
     
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2008
  9. GMtime

    GMtime New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2007
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    While that may be a easy solution, I don't want to control her finances. She should be able to take care of that herself. That is what frustrates me the most!
     
  10. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2005
    Messages:
    97,795
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary, AB
    then your only choice is to talk to her about it
     
  11. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2007
    Messages:
    5,712
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Providence, RI

    You have a head on your shoulders, and I'm glad you look at it the way you do.

    I don't have any suggestions other than instead of 'lightly' bringing it up, you sit down with her and let her know the importance of bills / credit / financial responsibilities.


    Hell, my ex couldn't save a penny. Get paid Thursday, ask me for gas money on Tues/Wed. with the 'I'll pay you back on Thursday' bid.

    Trust me man, I had a ring on her finger, it's not worth losing your house or car over.
     
  12. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2002
    Messages:
    64,128
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philly, PA
    I wouldn't marry a girl that was financially irresponsible, tell her to run a credit report and you'd like to see it. Do you really want to deal with that your entire life? Eventually its going to ruin your relationship/marriage and/or run you broke.
     
  13. jim1234664

    jim1234664 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2005
    Messages:
    642
    Likes Received:
    0
    my parents just got divorced because of this, stay away unless you want to clear 100k/yr and have nothing to show for it like my dad
     
  14. NuShooz

    NuShooz OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2005
    Messages:
    11,761
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Southern CA
    finance is at least the top 2 reasons for all divorces...
     
  15. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,400
    Likes Received:
    0
    I was in a similar relationship as the OP, and your answer applies either way. People have "different" ways of handling things. Your way is right for you, her way works for her. If you're not compatible, then it's just an area you'll have to ask yourself whether you can tolerate, or whether you can't.

    The relationship is going to be troubled unless you make a conscious decision, and whatever decision you do make, it's entirely your responsibility. You can't blame her, if you stay, and things don't work out. If you did do that, you'd be the chump. So choose wisely.

    Agreed, I would make sure I understood as much as possible before getting into anything serious.
     
  16. Avenger97

    Avenger97 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2002
    Messages:
    601
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Johnston , RI
    tellin you.. speaking from personal experience.. a woman who cant handle finances , is generally trouble...

    my ex-gf was the same way.. ( well slightly different. she just didnt want to work for what she had) .. but in the end all it leaves you with is a empty wallet and nothing to show for it...
     
  17. GMtime

    GMtime New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2007
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks again for the input and thoughts.... Your insight is helpful.
     
  18. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Things will only get worse. Its better to have a serious discussion with her right now which will either resolve the situation or break you two up(no matter how much you hate it) its better in the long run because you don't want to be with someone who has a hole in their hand and squanders money.

    Especially during the financial crisis but even in normal times you don't want someone who trashes your future dreams.
     
  19. GMtime

    GMtime New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2007
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    I can't believe it's been over a month since I originally posted about his issue. While the time has gone by, not much has changed.

    She has not been working since the first week of December and has not actively been looking for a new one. I haven't said anything to her about it because it's her choice, and second I wanted to see what she would do. This probably sounds crappy, but I kind of tuned the whole situation out my mind for the past two weeks so my holidays (and hers) didn't become ruined.

    Thankfully work has been busy for me recently and I have been able to pay almost everything in full here alone.... But I don't know how much longer I can do this.

    Carl S: I know how you felt. I know she (made) more than enough money to pay her share of bills and personal expenses, but somehow she never has managed to save any of it.
     
  20. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2005
    Messages:
    97,795
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary, AB
    kick her out. If she has no valid reason to not work and she's still not working, she needs a wake up call. Tell her to get out.
     
  21. GMtime

    GMtime New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2007
    Messages:
    32
    Likes Received:
    0
    As a side note, her best friend broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years this past weekend. For some reason, she is excited about that? :dunno:
     
  22. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2005
    Messages:
    97,795
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Calgary, AB
    probably because the guy was telling her to get a job
     
  23. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Oh, that's nice. You enabled her to mooch off of you for the holidays.

    She's not working, not looking for work...she's a lazy ass moocher.

    Kick her out, end the relationship, whatever, but come on man, you said it yourself, NOTHING HAS CHANGED.

    How much more evidence do you need that she is not going to change?

    You DO NOT want to be with a person like this long term. She'll kill your credit, spend all your money, etc.

    And as far as why she is excited about the gossip? She's got nothing else to talk about. She sits at home all day and does nothing.

    Sorry to go on a rant here, but come on...she's a deadbeat. You can do and DESERVE better than an unmotivated deadbeat.

    EDIT: oops, misread. Thought you guys were living together...please tell me you aren't living together.
     
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Money is the biggest reason peiople get divorced for a reason.

    Don't dare even get engaged with her until she growns up and learns money management. She probably wont and thinks she deserves to be pampered for life and if that's the case you'll have to evaluate if that's the kind of person you want to spend your life with.
     
  25. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2005
    Messages:
    7,173
    Likes Received:
    0
    Financially unstable women = turn off. It means regardless of how much money you make a year, you will never get to enjoy any of it.

    I had an internship that paid $25/hr (seriously I did), and the girl I was dating saw my pay stub one day, and suddenly we went from a 50/50 split to a just me paying for everything. After about a month I dumped her...
     

Share This Page