SRS Expectations to Change

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by jaywalk85, May 6, 2007.

  1. jaywalk85

    jaywalk85 New Member

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    It's long, read it or don't.

    A few weeks ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of over two years. We love each other very much, I know I still do and I miss her terribly. I never felt like I could make her happy. In fact, it was this reason that I decided to break off the relationship.

    She was always wanting me to change, become who she wanted me to be. This went on for a long time. Last spring, she decided she wasn't happy anymore; at the time, I was being her doormat, so I tried all summer to win her back and eventually did. I was hard, though, and I told myself I wouldn't do it again if it came to that.

    She is a student at Virginia Tech; I was there with her on the day of the shooting. But I had to go home, I go to school at William and Mary, about 4 hours away. It was a very difficult time, I had many things going on, but still tried to be supportive as much as I could; this was a LDR, and obviously much of this depended on phone calls.

    She got upset that I didn't drop everything to come stay with her. She said she was disapointed in me and stopped talking to me, despite me needing some support as well. I've lived within an hour of Tech my whole life and know hundreds of people there. This was nothing new; I always seemed to be skipping from let down to let down. It was kind of like the last straw. We'd been dating for over two years and I couldn't deal with feeling that I had to constantly prove I was a good person; furthermore, she could not accept my opinions on things, and there were taboo topics such as evolution, religion, and politics that we couldn't discuss because she would get angry when my opinions differed.

    So, one night, I called her and told her I loved her so much. I asked her to accept me for who I am, that constantly not measuring up was making me unhappy with myself. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough and dragged me down. I told her that I loved her for the person that she is and asked her if she could accept me for who I am. She responded that she loved me very much too, doubted anyone would ever love her and care for her as much as I did, but that she didn't think I was the type of man she wanted to marry.

    I told her we needed to at least take a break this summer, to figure out what it is we both want. She agreed with me. It was very hard to do and we have not talked to each other since. Suprisingly, since I did it, I've felt better than worse; kind of like I'm getting reaclimated with my own skin, and it feels good. But I still miss her something terrible and I feel horrible for hurting her.

    It's caused me a lot of anxiety, but I thought it was the right decision at the time and I still do. Whenever I start feeling scared that I don't have her, I remember that our relationship just was no longer healthy and I no longer feel too bad about it.

    No good conclusion to this, that's about where I'm at right now. :hs:
     
  2. Congratulations
     
  3. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    HUGE RED FLAG right there. Come on, you were with someone who you couldn't have a mature discussion with about serious issues?
     
  4. jaywalk85

    jaywalk85 New Member

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    I know, my head was so clouded from loving her that I didn't even stop to realize it was a very bad thing.
     
  5. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    You did the right thing. Keep yourself busy with your friends, family and hobbies.
     

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