Exhaustion I made it about 4 1/2 weeks on the IV therapy and oral medication. I am absolutely physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted. I ended the therapy Monday because it was killing my body. I think I'm going to need a month or two to recover. I just feel empty inside. I look disturbing. I look like a concentration camp prisoner. I gave every ounce I had to survive this cycle. It is definitely in the top 3 most difficult things I've ever had to do. I ended up being allergic to one of the antibiotics, but I was so far into the therapy that I didn't want to stop unless I absolutely had to. It took another week and a half to break me down until my body couldn't take anymore. I feel awful for my family; my mother especially. She begged me over and over to allow her to call 911, but I felt after 18 years it was time to just stay the course and finish it. I felt like I was riding a wave until the wave dissolved beneath my feet. When the wave was gone on Monday I knew I was finished. If I didn't end the therapy I'd fall from that board and be finished. It was smarter to end the therapy there and live to fight another battle. I didn't think I would almost die doing this cycle but that was exactly the case. It was just awful. I can imagine the incredible suffering that other people endure in this world. I've been to hell before, and I never thought I'd go back. I know how horrifying and awful some experiences in this world can be for many of you. I cried, I prayed, but I didn't beg. I'll never beg, and neither should any of you - I'll never try to hold onto this world as though I'm just the period at the end of some nonsensical sentence. I'm a question mark to this world. Many of us have battles we didn't ask for; unfair tribulations and adversity we didn't create, but I'm not going quietly into the night. I'm not invincible; I'm not a machine, but I'm not broken yet either. I live in spite of the loss caused by this adversity. I live with the anger of having my opportunities and dreams removed from my hands by a power bigger than me. I am determined to do two things before I leave this planet: I will have a family, and I will leave behind a time capsule (s) containing all of the most important things I've learned in my brief time while alive here. It will be safe, and it will endure until found. Until I have completed those two things I'm not shuffling off any mortal coil. Anger is more useful than despair, so fight, do not fall prey for long to despair and lose your life in apathy.