SRS exgirlfriend is back in my life, what to do?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by bjonesy77, Dec 26, 2007.

  1. bjonesy77

    bjonesy77 New Member

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    So I dated this girl for almost a year, but she got kinda clingy and wouldnt let me do my own thing. I really liked her, could have developed into more I think but the timing just wasnt right. I was 18-19 and wanted to go out with my friends and make bad decisions, but she didnt want to make the same bad decisions so we broke it off and that was that. She started dating an old friend of mine who happens to be a loser to the fullest. He is into drugs and in turn she got into drugs, then she ended up pregnant. They had been together for probably 10 months or less when she found out she was pregnant but decided to keep the baby. They were going to move in together and i guess start a family? Well she miscarried and they broke up.

    Now a month after they break up, she has been wanting to hang out with me alot lately. She texts or calls me atleast once a day, I dont reject the calls or texts because obviously I like hanging out and talking to her also. Well, last night we went out to some bar and ended up talking in the car quite a bit. She is insistant that she has feelings for me, but she wants to keep it strictly friends. Thats fine with me, but something tells me thats not really what she wants. I feel like she is saying that because she still might have some attachment to her exboyfriend and doesnt want to rush into anything, which is a respectable thing IMO. So even after a year apart and talking maybe a total of 3 times I hang out with the girl a few times and talk to her for a few weeks and I feel very strongly towards her.

    Now here is the kicker, this girl has some serious problems. She was raped at the age of 16(i was the first person she had ever told about it) Her dad lives out in california and rarely talks to her even during the holidays or her birthday. She is extremely self concious and has no confidence, she will rarely look at me when we are talking.


    My question is to the asylum is, do you think she is trying to turn her life around and having a decent guy with a good head on his shoulders and a good job would help? or do you think she will just keep all the habits and inevitably take me down with her?
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Get her out of your life.

    /thread
     
  3. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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  4. bjonesy77

    bjonesy77 New Member

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    lol, I see why you say that. And I agree with you for the most part, everything inside of me tells me to stay the fuck away, but I just cant seem to do that. I dont know why?
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Well it's not as if you aren't human. I mod the Vag, so let me first say I see this exact thread at least once a day. People contemplating taking back ex's because they think they've changed. 98% of the time they've only changed to get you back into their life because they are lost and alone, but eventually once being back together you find out they are exactly the same person and it never works out. The worst part is you realize you've wasted all this time that you could have been spending on finding someone better for you and once you breakup again the person always kicks themselves for just having to see if it would work again. Then you have to start from scratch at getting over them. Trust me, I've gotten this down to a science by now, your situation is no different than most.

    What it comes down to is this: you didn't work out before, you will most likely not work out again. Love only lasts if you love the person for exactly who they are, from both sides of course. And if that didn't work the first time it shouldn't the second time around.
     
  6. Ranger-AO

    Ranger-AO I'm here for the Taliban party. Moderator

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    I gave my son this advice when he was in a similar situation:

    The world is full of girls that need to be saved from themselves and their bad situations. They might not be able to get out of these situations or change their destructive habits alone, and they might be able to do it with help from someone like you. But the world is full of girls like that, and there is only one of you. The odds of you being pulled down into a shitty situation that will have years of bad repercussions are pretty good if you try to save her through a relationship. Because to save her from her present, you're going to have to save her from her past, her memories, her emotions, her friends, her family ... her fucked up life. Very few people are ever willing - and able - to make a full and complete break with everything that has brought them to who and where they are now.

    The "Damsel in distress" blinking her beautiful eyes at the "Knight in shining armor" is a seriously powerful fantasy, and an amazingly seductive trap. It is HARD to not come to the damsel's aid. EVERYTHING in your upbringing and your hormonal glands are screaming at you to scoop this vulnerable girl up in your arms and take her to the safety and warmth of your castle. You were probably brought up to defend those who couldn't defend themselves, and that is an incredibly admirable thing. It is also a dangerous flaw if it isn't tempered with the ability to rationally look at the situation and judge whether (A) you are capable of handling this, (B) you are the right person to handle it, and (C) you are willing to accept the fallout with your friends/family/job if it all goes bad. You have to pull your head out of the immediate situation and think about the nuts and bolts of what you are wanting to do. Do you have the financial ability to help her do what she needs to do to make a complete break with her past? Do you have the financial ability to cover (or recover from) anything she might do that will end up costing you money? Do you have the emotional depth to recover from anything she might do (intentionally or otherwise)? How about your family? Your friends? Your job?

    I don't know much about her past or what she is capable of, but I've seen and dated some fucked up girls in my time. Even the moderately fucked up ones seemed to generate a shit storm out of nothing at all, and it always ended up making my life smell like a week old diaper.

    cliffs: you can wear clean clothes, or you can work on a shitty car. But you can't do both.
     
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2007
  7. bjonesy77

    bjonesy77 New Member

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    I like that



    But I guess I should just step outside of the situation and look at it from a different point of view. To me, her problems are no different than most. But to most people dating a girl who has been pregnant, miscarried, possibly still on drugs, has issues with herself, and a broken family to boot, is probably a bad idea.


    So you say dont waste my time with her, and spend that time finding someone new. Well Ive been trying to find someone new lately and I cant seem to find a decent girl with even a little bit of class. This girl is a very classy girl in public, but obviously has made her mistakes and had misfortunes bestowed upon her unwillingly. I guess either way I would be settleing for something less than par.
     
  8. Ranger-AO

    Ranger-AO I'm here for the Taliban party. Moderator

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    Wow. I needed this advice right now. Seriously. :hsd:
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Glad to hear that :hs:
     

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