SRS Exgf/best friend has eating problems

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Akimbo, Mar 20, 2006.

  1. Akimbo

    Akimbo New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2005
    Messages:
    12,090
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Orlando, Florida
    My exgf has been having a lot of trouble eating. It just so happens that we're best friends so i feel like it's my job to be there and offer a helping hand. I know this is a serious discussion forum, and it is a serious problem. She doesn't eat for a day or two, today she had a bite of a granola bar and that is going to be it. she's a star catcher at her high school but i know she won't be able to play if she doesn't have energy. a few weeks ago she passed out and went to the hospital. says shes been drinking plenty of fluids. I don't know what to do though. She says that I don't know how hard it is to be a girl..like she has to fit in. She shouldn't have to worry about that, she's beautiful, and already stands out because she's colombian, so she's got a bit of exoticness to her.

    I just need some advice on how to get her to eat, and feel like she is perfect. Yes, I do love her. Our lives are linked pretty hard so i can't just sit back and watch her destroy herself.

    I just need some help, please, if anyone has had a friend that has gone through this or helped someone through...please.
     
  2. Indrew

    Indrew New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2006
    Messages:
    405
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
    If you truly want whats best for her, talk to her parents, maybe they can get her some help or start watching her more closely. If that doesn't work, do some research on some place she can go that will help her.

    These kinds of things are serious and are best dealt with sooner rather than later.
     
  3. EmiB

    EmiB New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2005
    Messages:
    324
    Likes Received:
    0
    As said, LET HER PARENTS KNOW. Even if that breaks the relationship, and she will be ungrateful... you did the best you could. Some things are just too much to do on your own, and she needs a psych-eval.

    Good Luck :)
     
  4. Nightshade

    Nightshade New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2003
    Messages:
    1,109
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    maybe you could start putting it in a smoothie style thingy??

    with a banana, maybe a mango, and some orange or apple juice or something??

    just get her to have something that willl quench her thirst, and also give her fuel too!!

    :)
     
  5. EmiB

    EmiB New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2005
    Messages:
    324
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yeah and slip a slice of bacon in there ;)

    On serious note, seriously get someone else involved... someone with a brain
     
  6. Megab

    Megab OT's CPhT

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2005
    Messages:
    6,939
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ohio
    thats how i eat all the time, i think i have kind of the same problem. where do i go for this kinda help? my family physician, or what?
     
  7. verveintuition

    verveintuition New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Messages:
    896
    Likes Received:
    0
    If you are certain she has an eating disorder, you do need to let her parents in on this, privately at first. And then with them, confront her and let her know how concerned you are.
    Intervention is usually what's needed to shake someone to the core about their problem. She will resent it, but hopefully she'll be grateful later.


    Educate yourself about what actually happens to the body when you starve or abuse it like that so you can talk with her about it: metabolism, muscle mass, brain, and emotional problems....etc.
     
  8. Jadix

    Jadix The Nice Guy

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2006
    Messages:
    7,877
    Likes Received:
    0
    my exgf doesn't eat anymore either. But we're not friends anymore either so theres not much I can do for her. You can talk to her parents if you think they can help her. Talk to your/her other friends about it so they know whats up. Its a serious problem that shouldn't be left in the dark. When she says "its hard being a girl" tell her to shut the fuck up. Im serious. Tell her you think shes being immature and unreasonable about the situation, because she is. Not eating is a stupid thing to do, and if she doesn't know that she needs to learn it, preferrably not the hard way.
     
  9. nbiggershaft

    nbiggershaft New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2005
    Messages:
    1,352
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CoMO
    I'd test the foods she really, really likes vs not eating thing. Every now and then I worry about my girlfriend not eating, then I take her to her favorite restaurant and she goes at it. From what I've seen its really a self cycling habit. If she continues to not eat, she'll eat less and less. If you can get her to load up on something she really likes, she'll eat more.
     
  10. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Whenever I go for a little while without eating this is what I have to do or I can't keep anything in/down. Drinking something is a LOT easier than eating.
    PLEASE talk to her parents if you haven't already. Eating disorders are SERIOUS and not to be ignored.
     
  11. lauren

    lauren Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    38,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palo Alto, CA
    um, actually, i wouldnt tell her parents quite yet. chances are, the pressure they put on her is much of the reasons behind this behavior.

    sometime, in private when you dont have time constraints, talk to her. the issue is likely not really food/weight related, thats just how its manifested. and dont become a food nazi...like questioning her last meal and stuff. that will likely drive her to hide it from you too. dont test her, or try to trick her.

    um, try to get her to a nutrionist/phychiatrist... as much as i distrust them, an objective soundingboard outside of her family/circle of friends/life might be helpfull.

    if she is unwilling to try, either on her own, or with your, or someone elses help, then go to her folks....

    as for you, its really not your burden. nothing you can say or do will help if she isnt willing to give it a shot. however, if shes still a minor, her folks can force her into treatment, and often the sooner the better.

    two good sites you might want to poke around for information and resrouces in general, and specifically how to approch her.

    http://www.somethingfishy.org/helping/yourapproach.php - approaching her
    http://www.anred.com/tx.html - treatmeant/recovery

    um, also might want to find out if shes going to any proana forums or whatnot. theres a lot of :ugh: info out there that raises more imediate medical concerns.
     
  12. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Lauren, with all due respect, but if it is to the point where she is passing out and going to the ER her parents should probably be informed.
    Just my opinion.
     
  13. lauren

    lauren Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    38,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palo Alto, CA
    i dont know the circumstances, but a lot of things can cause that, without it really being serious. and if shes a minor, her parents know she was in the hospital...and they dont appear to be helping as things stand.

    i would try to get through to her without them at first. if things dont improve in a month or two... then talk to them.

    just my experience, parents may have good intentions, but often are too close to the situation to really help. yes, the sooner something is done, the better... i just dont think he should jump the gun with the parents. :)
     
  14. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I'm not anorexic, but I do have eating problems every once in a while (usually when I become very depressed). My husband has been VITAL to my being here today even. He did exactly what toeshoes described, by forcing me to come out to eat with him or even just by sitting down with me and having a small snack or a meal.
     
  15. lauren

    lauren Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    38,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palo Alto, CA
    force someone to eat, or scrutinize habbits too much, and they could start purging. just fyi. it will help some people, just watch out for that. :hs:
     
  16. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    :hs: That wasn't anything I had considered.
     
  17. Akimbo

    Akimbo New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2005
    Messages:
    12,090
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Orlando, Florida
    They don't have money to fund this kind of thing. They're really in the hole. If anyone's gonna be helping her, it's probably going to be me.
     
  18. :smile:

    :smile: New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    3,010
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York
    i don't have an eating disorder neccessarily and i'm not fat, maybe a little chunky. He'll ask me what i ate & i usually don't remember which to him means that i didn't eat. he then gets mad & i see that it upsets him and we wind up going to get something. but as far as telling her parents, don't do it. they are probably the reason of it & will only make it worse, at least it did for me
     
  19. lauren

    lauren Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    38,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palo Alto, CA
    http://www.anred.com/res.html

    list of research studies/clinical trials currently going on. often, travel expenses will be covered, and youll get treatment and whatever.
     

Share This Page