SRS ex playing games

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Pringles, May 29, 2006.

  1. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    Well my ex is a very game playing person as most females are. Either way I wanted to stay close to her as a friend. She ended it about 3 months ago. Ever since then I've made myself not call her unless she called. I've held that. Now she hasnt called me since last tuesday. This is abnormal behavior. She normally called me on weekends to meet/hangout and called me during the week to talk about life. Do I just keep not calling her? Is she probably testing me? What do I do when I see her at school tom? Yes I'm a graduating HS senior. I think it's good that we arent talking as I needed to get some distance, but just wondering others opinons.

    Thanks,

    Pringles
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Once you break up you can never go back. And personally i dispise lightswitch relationships on off on off ,when you make a decision you must not look back for you already have the proof that things do not work out between you two, what makes you think you can salvage things? Ludicurous, besides your nothing but a toy for her. In terms of relationships, playing games is nothing more then a sign of immaturity, if you want to keep playing tag with her like a kid, be my guest. But my advice will be a mature get rid of her from your life response.
     
  3. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    Just grow up and let go. If you two are meant to be, you'll wind up meeting eachother someday in the future after you've both grown up, and a 2nd time around could be in the cards, but obviously she's still immature and into playing games, so keep her around if you wish as a buddy if you can stay above her games and not give into them, otherwise cut her loose. She'll talk to you again someday in the future most likely, and you can take it from there to see if she's better or still the same girl.
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Your relationship has gone as far as it can go. Don't call her anymore.
    If you see her at school, just be mature and nod and say hi. Be friendly and polite, but keep moving.

    No need to ignore, but equally no need to be preoccupied over her.

    Whether she's testing you or not is IRRELEVANT. Don't base your actions as a response to others. Decide for yourself, and do what is right for you.

    In this case, you are correct that distance is a healthy option for you.
    No need to keep wondering when/if/how/what you should call or not call.

    Time for other things. That chapter is closed.
     
  5. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    Johan thats where I hit my cross street. I feel that I should call her as I'm a caring person by nature and to be my friend means I care for you. No matter what you have done to me I will give you my time of day to help you as it's just what I believe. So this is where I cross the line. Do I call her because I care about her and know shes back to her old ways of drugs/alcohol? Or do I let her go. She dropped the idea that she was addicted to rx's about a week or two ago. Do I still push her away and let her go when she seems to be her weakest and is that fair? Personally I wouldnt want it in return. However right now I'm sticking with the let go, but I feel if I do this to myself then I'm changing my character and my morals for the worse. As I'd hate for someone not to care about me in return.

    Not sure if that makes sense.


    Thanks once again OT for the advice.
     
  6. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    You are the #1 priority. If it doesn't hurt you in any way, shape, or form - keep in touch with her. She'll appreciate it someday. Don't let her use you at all though, and don't feel you can't go out and do something with another girl because of her. If you can honestly be just her friend and not feel any pain from whatever the hell she may do or say - go with it, as I understand what you mean. If you do feel pain, take more time to yourself at letting go, and drop her a line someday through myspace (if you have it) or just say hi through AIM or whatever..keep it very unpersonal for awhile to get a feel for how you are feeling inside with her until you know you are ready to look at her and not get depressed from your past and how it isn't your present anymore.

    I am in the same boat with my ex really. She just up and decided she wanted to just go out and have fun and get drunk all the time, so she's at her weakest point in my opinion, and I'm battling it out within, as I want to be here for her, but I also will not let myself talk to her until I feel ok inside. Some days I feel i'm all good, but then i'll look at a picture of her or something and i'll feel that pain of missing her, and then I'll say 'ok another week' and I'll keep doing it until I'm ready, because I care about her alot, but not enough to keep myself wallowing in my own self pity and depression.

    Good luck. Break ups are hard if you let them be hard, if you just kinda 'ok cool have fun' and realize just how many people there are out there, you should be able to be mature enough to take a few weeks to yourself and then be their friend afterwards.
     
  7. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    Thank Xindra that does sound hard b/c odds are she will fuck up one night and call you wanting her old guy that took care of her. But once again thanks for the advice.
     
  8. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    Going from serious relationship -> friends is VERY hard if you don't take your personal space. Once you get over the romantic aspect of things, if you two are mature, it should be able to evolve into the best friendship ever, as you know everything about the person and vice versa - what better qualities can you have in a friendship hey? The key is just taking your own personal space until you are ready to talk. I feel rushed all the time going "SHIT if i don't talk to her soon she's gonna forget about me" but honestly? no she won't. She'll respect that I needed to take however long to get over her before I was able to have an honest friendship with her without aspiring to become more than friends right away or lieing to myself and ending up getting hurt.

    The hardest part, in my opinion, is judging the girl's readiness. They are emotional as hell and if you come to them saying 'hey..i'm ready to be your buddy, are you?" they'll 99.9% of the time say yes without even thinking about it, and they'll either break down your wall and you'll get back with them way sooner than you should of (as let's face it, second times around ONLY work out well if the people both have matured and grown up a bit on their own or through other relationships) or they start getting pissy because they learn that they can't have you back as more than a friend, and either A) start treating you badly or B) Finally settle the fuck down and be your buddy.

    It's a hard path to walk, but if you stay above the games and don't let it affect you - you should be able to develop a very good understanding close friendship with that person, but NOT until you are 100% positive you are over the relationship with her and will NOT get hurt if she starts mentioning other men in her life.

    Tonight I felt ready to shoot her a message, but then one of my friends mentioned something that I already knew of about her, but I still felt a little wrench turn in my side that shot some pain to my heart, so, well - next weekend we'll see where I am : ). My ultimate goal is not until July, and a 100% safe bet would not be until September, but I wanna get started on this asap and I think I'll be ready sooner than I planned in the first start as I've learned alot about myself lately.
     
  9. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    We'll I know this sounds wrong, but alas I'm a greedy person. I won't see her again after this summer if we even meet then. I have little hope. So basically should I get what shes worth even though I wont see here again. Shes going to CO for college while I'm going to SLO so chances of us seeing again are slim. Shouldn't I spend what time I have left now with her weither it's good or bad for our relationship seeing as once college hits I have no intetions of talking to her.
     
  10. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Nah, I wouldn't bother with her. Really. If you two were meant to be together, you'd be just that--together.
    Stop horsehockeying around and get on with stuff.
    Games should be played with toys.
     
  11. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    In that case :dunno: Have a fun summer with the girl and then say your goodbyes or if it's too hard on you and you'll be over her about the time she's leaving, don't bother. Just say your goodbyes now or leave it rest and go about life.
     
  12. johan

    johan Active Member

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    It was pretty clear this impulse was what lay behind the urge to keep in contact with her. More so this, and much much LESS the urge to 'be nice to her' by being there for her.

    Go ahead, you can certainly TRY to spend your remaining time with her. But in your mind, that time is going to be mostly smooth and nice, with a tinge of bittersweet at the end when you have to part ways, and she...reluctantly lets go.

    But in reality...didn't she already let you go? So those last few weeks...aren't going to be so fairytale after all. In fact, it might end up being bitter and disappointing.
     

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