Well It's really late and this is when most of my emotions tend to be at there worst. I like to try to sleep early, but I pushed my bedtime out later tonight. I was dumped a while back and recently I've been feeling rather better, but for some reason I still don't understand why I still feel attached. She did the whole lets be friends thing. Whenever we met with each other she gives me all those signs of affection. IE She wants me to caress her face or massage her. Or lay on my chest. I play the passsive role as I don't want to do anything unwanted to her and I dont want to get myself fucked over again by trying shit on her. I know these may seem like friend things, but they still stimulate my emotions and affection towards her. I've been wanting to tell her that I just need my time to breathe and try to regather what I had made for myself before she took what I had made and crapped on it. So finally my time came. She left for a week for spring break. Background, shes had an exex that she stopped talking to while we dated and now that we arent dating they are "friends" whatever the fuck that means. Over the past I've realized that her myspace seems to draw emotion out of me as I know she values it GREATLY. Now her and this other guy(exex) are always fighting there way through life. Like they will be friends and for a weekend she will spend time with him and I assume shes happy, which is all I really want for her. But then the day before he leaves on choir to goto hawaii he BLOWS her off b/c she wanted to see him before he left. Shit like this seems to happen over and over. YET SHE STILL COMES BACK TO HIM. I don't really understand how I fit into her life as I'm not an asshole nor do I disrespect others. She even tells me this over the phone how he is disrespectful and selfish. I'm trying to figure out as what to do with myself. Right now I feel used. I feel as I'm just her backup or her other "man" incase he fucks with her life. I feel like she just goes between me and her exex. I don't really understand why or know if it's true. I also happen to be going to prom with her. Is she just a chick that likes to dwell in the past. Her exex dated/friends for like 5 solid years. They did the works. She always seems to dwell on the past when around me. Is she just being abused by this guy and cant move on b/c she likes the past? Or is this another one the badguy gets the girl. IE shes addicted to his "good" times and basically tries to ignore the bad times and just pretends they dont happen? YES THIS IS HS DRAMA, but it doesnt matter as it changes my life and I want to learn now what I will need for later. With all those random thoughts you could call this a blog, but in general I'm wondering if these feelings are common. Do I just need to keep tredging through the muddy waters? It's been great in that she has allowed me to finnally live life. I'm a very dare-devil of a person, but when I dated her I cut back as I felt I needed to be around for her sake. Now I've been skating hard and got back to my lifiting. During those times I feel that lovely rush that I used to strive for. Well it's rather late and I feel I'm done blogging or ranting. If anyone wants to cut in or drop some ideas, throughts, or feelings to help me along feel free. Thanks again OT as lame as it sounds maybe I need to keep a journal because I dont really see how this is a queston or any areas for people to answer, but well see how it goes.