SRS Ex part 2

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Pringles, Apr 10, 2006.

  1. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    Well It's really late and this is when most of my emotions tend to be at there worst. I like to try to sleep early, but I pushed my bedtime out later tonight.

    I was dumped a while back and recently I've been feeling rather better, but for some reason I still don't understand why I still feel attached. She did the whole lets be friends thing. Whenever we met with each other she gives me all those signs of affection. IE She wants me to caress her face or massage her. Or lay on my chest. I play the passsive role as I don't want to do anything unwanted to her and I dont want to get myself fucked over again by trying shit on her. I know these may seem like friend things, but they still stimulate my emotions and affection towards her. I've been wanting to tell her that I just need my time to breathe and try to regather what I had made for myself before she took what I had made and crapped on it. So finally my time came. She left for a week for spring break.

    Background, shes had an exex that she stopped talking to while we dated and now that we arent dating they are "friends" whatever the fuck that means.

    Over the past I've realized that her myspace seems to draw emotion out of me as I know she values it GREATLY. Now her and this other guy(exex) are always fighting there way through life. Like they will be friends and for a weekend she will spend time with him and I assume shes happy, which is all I really want for her. But then the day before he leaves on choir to goto hawaii he BLOWS her off b/c she wanted to see him before he left. Shit like this seems to happen over and over. YET SHE STILL COMES BACK TO HIM. I don't really understand how I fit into her life as I'm not an asshole nor do I disrespect others. She even tells me this over the phone how he is disrespectful and selfish.

    I'm trying to figure out as what to do with myself. Right now I feel used. I feel as I'm just her backup or her other "man" incase he fucks with her life. I feel like she just goes between me and her exex. I don't really understand why or know if it's true. I also happen to be going to prom with her. Is she just a chick that likes to dwell in the past. Her exex dated/friends for like 5 solid years. They did the works. She always seems to dwell on the past when around me. Is she just being abused by this guy and cant move on b/c she likes the past? Or is this another one the badguy gets the girl. IE shes addicted to his "good" times and basically tries to ignore the bad times and just pretends they dont happen?

    YES THIS IS HS DRAMA, but it doesnt matter as it changes my life and I want to learn now what I will need for later.

    With all those random thoughts you could call this a blog, but in general I'm wondering if these feelings are common. Do I just need to keep tredging through the muddy waters? It's been great in that she has allowed me to finnally live life. I'm a very dare-devil of a person, but when I dated her I cut back as I felt I needed to be around for her sake. Now I've been skating hard and got back to my lifiting. During those times I feel that lovely rush that I used to strive for.

    Well it's rather late and I feel I'm done blogging or ranting. If anyone wants to cut in or drop some ideas, throughts, or feelings to help me along feel free.

    Thanks again OT:sadwavey:
    as lame as it sounds maybe I need to keep a journal because I dont really see how this is a queston or any areas for people to answer, but well see how it goes.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You are right she did use you as an emotional crutch, the first warning sign of that you might be used as an emotional tampon is when the would be gf starts talking about her ex, that's a bad sign , simply because it means that she hasn't closed the past, and if you can't find closure you can't move on, this is where that dwelling thing starts, its where you find out that you aren't her nr.1 in life. You should never be with a girl that doesn't consider you as her nr.1 in life. Drop her like a brick, your just a fish onto her hook. Let go of the bait and you willl be free, to move on with your life.
     
  3. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    She's using you. She broke it off so now she has no real loyalty to you, but she still knows you are wrapped up in her and she is using you for her needs when she can. In short, you're her sucker, and you allow this to happen.

    If I were in your position, I would cease any and all contact with her. For one, I am no ones sucker, two, I have too much self respect to mess around with someone who is that shallow. That kind of girl isn't worthy of my time.
     
  4. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Shutting down contact is not satisfying. It's common advice, but you know this. You just walk away from things, and you will just think about what you should have done differently not to feel like a piece of shit.
    However meekly letting her play with your body while avoiding your penis is probably not going to be a good idea either. Would you agree or disagree?

    Keep reciprocating her physical play with physical play. She starts the kino, so you should respond. And escalate it. This is not necessarily about winning the girl. This is about not playing games. If she starts stroking your thigh, stroke her butt. If she plays with your chest ... play with hers. Keep making moves until you have gotten some satisfaction or until she stops fucking with you.

    In this fashion, she will not be able to expect you to just accept all of her teasing without you doing anything back. She will know that if she turns you on, you will act upon it. At which point she will make a choice. Either she will keep turning you on, until you two are not just stroking, but full out fucking, or she will give it up. If she tries to sidestep this all by not touching you, but by maintaining eye contact for too long, or by showing off her tits, say, "God I love it when you look at me like that/bend over like that/whatever." But don't just run out of this. Get her to make the decision. That will be satisfying.
     
  5. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Definitely not. The girl dumped you, she's been using you, and you should suck it up, show some self respect, and walk away. It's not the easiest thing to do, but you definitely need to get out of the situation. It's clear to me that you are a victim of the situation, you feel helpless in it, and you still care. If you try to keep playing this game when she has no interest then it is a game you will lose. You will not be able to lose your feelings for her, you will not be able to stop being led on, and you will not be able to regain some self respect. It may be repetative advice, but it is the correct one. Move on.
     
  6. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    BS. Break her game. Win. Leave. If she fucks you in the process, so much the peachier.
     
  7. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    So you are telling a guy who has already shown that he cares far more for her than she does him, to stick around and try to bring her back and "win"? I will have to disagree completely. This isn't some random fling to him. He really cares about this girl, and that is obvious because even though she basically said "F this relationship, see ya!" he still massaged her and let her lay on him, etc. To me this shows that SHE is in total control, not him. I am not saying that I don't see the point you are making, I just disagree that it is wise. SHE is the one who could give two shits about the relationship, so SHE is the one in control. I don't think telling him to head right back into it and "win" is a smart thing to do. He needs to realize that she is over him and is currently using him for attention that he should have stopped giving her the moment she ended the relationship. Then he needs to seperate himself from her so he can move on.

    Now if he can totally turn off his feelings for her like a switch, sure, stick around, see if you can hit it a couple more times and be the one to end things after, but I think his post clearly show that he still cares. That is not an ideal action to take IMO if your feelings are still tied in.
     
  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    No.

    She will tease him again.

    When she does, he will let no action she takes go unreciprocated. In fact, he will escalate it.

    She will refuse. Then she will tease him again. And he will repeat.

    Eventually she will probably refuse and then stop teasing him, period. At which point, he can leave. On the long shot that she accepts, so much the better.

    That is what winning would be in a shit situation like this. If after he forces her hand, it turns out that she wasn't bluffing ... they have sex. If it turns out she was, he can put it out of his mind.

    Now, after they have sex, if it is clear that she doesn't have feelings for him ... then, he would leave. But he would leave having fucked her.
     
  9. smitty06

    smitty06 New Member

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    i am in a very similar situation and it sucks. im not really sure what to do either.
     
  10. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    Not trying to be mean to DD, but I'm a very moral and nice man. So It's hard for me to tell someone to go away and never speak to me. I do like this idea of yours though. I'll consider her a "sex friend" or someone that shares the same physical contact I want. If she gives me something she will get in return. I like that idea very much.

    I'm going to basically just let her go. I must say it is 100000% easier to let someone go by losing all connection. I goto the same school so it wasnt easy and I never let go. But this few days with her on some vacation are great. I don't feel like someone should be calling me or care. It's awesome. I guess this will have to work till I fully lose emotion for her, which in a sense I don't want to do.

    Thanks ot for the help. Hopefully this works out.
     
  11. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I don't recall advising you to never speak to you again, but I do advice no contact. You don't have to be rude when telling someone that you are moving on. You can be direct and clear without being rude. If she tries to make you feel bad because of it, its a manipulative tactic. There is NOTHING wrong with standing up for yourself.

    I've known a lot of women like that in my time. Women who are VERY manipulative of the sensitive nice guy. If the guy tries to stand up to her when he isn't being treated fairly or equally, she says things to make him feel bad like he shouldn't be doing it. BS. You always have a right to stand up for yourself and even end friendships.

    Whatever you do, good luck, just please know when to stand your ground.
     

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